Wednesday, August 15, 2007

PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART…

I wrote this about 15 months ago...

Heart


We all know the game Tetris… in some countries it is known as blocks but generally it is more familiar with the name Tetris…. Tonight while trying to escape the world of Pus and cancers (don’t bother trying to understand…med school ...go figure!) I decided to play a game of Tetris.

I lost in like hmmh…5 mins flat (Don’t you dare question my skills!!!!I blame it on the fact that I was lying in bed, and I had no socks on and it was a bit hazy in the room…) well looking back I see that I lost because I misjudged in different situations not only the shape of the piece coming in but also the space it was trying to come into… lost? Bear with me for a second.

A 4 piece square was coming in and not paying full attention, I tried to insert it into a 3 block space…impossible or a full knowing that a piece was too small I would try and “luck” it into a space too wide and even though it would go I n, I still had a gaping chasm I had to fill. OK...OK I know you are asking is there a point to this…

Well this is about my heart…..
I see things the way my eyes can see them, I have no super human power but a whole body of wicked flesh. At times, I struggle with doing things my way and when I finally do so, I am left with a “lost Tetris game” so to speak…let me explain... In the first situation, the hole was too small and this reminds me of my heart in so many ways. God is the potter shaping my life…shaping it through furnace and fire into an image more and more like my lord Jesus Christ. There are still so many things in me that still need to be removed in order to be who he wants me to be. Habits that still need to be prayerfully taken away (temper, lack patience…etc). If I or even God himself was to bring a man into this neatly packaged mess I call my heart, there would be no room for my knight because there is still so much junk to be moved out. I would be asking him to move into a space he would hardly be able to breathe in because of my unwillingness to wait till the mess was cleared. At the end of the day, not only would I be hurting him, I would be hurting myself and God’s will for my life.

In the second situation, the piece fit but there was still a space not yet fulfilled. There are times, when I feel frustrated and low in spirit (wedding season blues)… when I “feel” that a man would fit perfectly into my life… (I see a few ladies nodding) but in moments of clarity I know that even though he would fit, the space also known as my heart, I would be unsatisfied still because I am not finding my joy and comfort in God but in a mortal man like me. A man who could (by no purposeful intentions) let me down at any time. I need to rest in God letting him be ENOUGH for me. I need to humbly cry that if he makes me single for the rest of my life; his gift of salvation and the fact that I will see him face to face on day is enough.

“Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind stayed on thee because he trusteth in thee. Trust in the lord for ever, for in the lord Jehovah is everlasting strength”
Isaiah 26:3-4

Now unto God who can judge not only the pieces coming in but the spaces they are coming into…I give my love story to write


…musings from on top of the potter’s wheel

2 comments:

Lil Miss Thang said...

nicely put... i never looked at it this way but i did. Now share with us how your husband came into your life. Were there signs, how did it happen?

In the midst of her said...

Thanks for stopping by! I will definitely post how hubby and I met but you have to be patient with me. It's so uniquely complicated, beautifully a mouthful that i just can't blurt it out. LOL