Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Lips...Tongue...Fire

So Hubby and I spent sunday watching Nollywood. I LOVE!!!! watching nolly with hubby because he HATES!!!! it so much. It's hilarious...He'll endure watching it with me because he loves me but every second is painful for him. In most nolly,the scripts are predictable, the acting unconvincing (pls have you seen them fight karate before....don't even get me started), the audio head splitting and the commercials tiring but my people....I LOVE IT! It is actually the flaws that make me love it more. I am more of a yoruba movie watcher but when hubby is really being tough to convince, I'll settle for an English one just for him.

Neway, I digress...

So we spend Sunday watching Nollywood and we watched one in particular that was actually a lesson teacher. A girl basically blurts out her hubby's biz on the streets and it comes back to wreck her home in the worst way...

Now, I know I need not preach about gossiping nor will I, but this post is about a different kind of gossip...telling people the happenings between you and your husband.

THE BAD...
One of the first things momsie told me as I prepared to get married was no matter what is happening under your roof , NEVER tell a friend. " You friend will mock you for accepting N1 for soup money and swear that she could never accept that trash...she would even go a step further to coach you on how to confront your man and rip him apart to show that you will not take it. Then after destroying your marriage, she will crawl back to her own house where her husband gives her 25K for soup money and she does not have the liver to say a word" ( My momsie dearest, 2009). It doesn't even have to be telling friends with malicious thoughts towards you; sometimes telling those who love you the most is equally harmful to your marriage. Hubby told me not too long ago " So if I run to my mom every time something happens between us, you think She will be able to be 100% unbiased? All she will be thinking of is her child and how you've hurt me" (The Chronicles of my Wise Hubby, 2011). This is so true, the people who truly love us...well, truly love us! and this makes it hard to be totally unbiased. Guess what? After you and hubby have had that fight and made up and are all lovey-dovey, depending on how much you've hurt him, his loved ones will STILL see you through the eyes of the mistakes you made.

gossip

OK, so first rule, don't be so quick to tell the wrongs in your home...CHECK!

What about the rights? Can I tell my peeps about hubby's new promotion, or that time he gucci'ed me out, or how he loves me in pink?

Umm...Yes and No!

THE GOOD...
Another mistake we ladies make is boasting about our men and this can be a home wrecker too. I once saw a Nolly movie where a housewife (let's call her Ms loose lips) would tell her single neighbor (Ms Neighbor) everything her man does for her. She would tell of his favorite dish, stop by to show her new bracelet, tell her how her hubby likes a particular scent, how he loves her in tight jeans... you know... the whole 9. Guess what, after being tired of watching her own daughter in an abusive marriage, Mrs Neighbor starts coaching her daughter on the things Ms Loose lip's husband likes! Cut a long story short, someone gets pregnant and it definitely wasn't Ms Loose lips.

We need to know that there are somethings between you and hubby that need to stay there. Not every problem must be shared just as well as not every accomplishment must be announced. Let there be things that only you and hubby know. I love coupples who have secret jokes between them. You see them at a party, huddled together laughing at the most innocent thing and when you ask them what's the joke, they just smile and say... "You wouldn't get it".

Personally, this is something I have to work on. I am a people person (code for talkative!) and within this trait I have no problems divulging things I am comfortable with you knowing buuuuuuuuutttt, since I am now a married woman, I have to remember that even though I am comfy with spilling my guts, hubby is not. Hubby is a VERY private person who hates any situation that puts his biz out there, so in all I do, I have to remember this. It's not all about me anymore!

James 3 vs6: And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. (NASB)

...musings from atop the potter's wheel...

8 comments:

Ms. Yellow Sisi Unspoken said...

Death and life are in the power of the tongue and so to keep the marriage alive we def. need this and i'm so keeping this in my head till the days with the hubby

Lil Miss Thang said...

nice1 and this is true of all close relationships,marriage being the ultimate. some details are personal between the two people involved. i used to find Nigerian movies funny but now got no patience for them @ all.

Anoda Phase said...

Enough said! and rightly so...

H said...

Well said...the business btwn a couple is no other man's business...u neva know who hates or genuinely loves you..

Of course it doesn't mean that we should question who's genuine or not but it pays to play our part n "keep quiet"

p.s: I think 80% Nigerians watch Nollywood movies cuz of the flaws.

In the midst of her said...

Thanks Ladies

MYSU: How true...If you can keep this in your head, you are one step ahead of the game!

LMT: What?? You need to get back into them....they are tooo much! hehe

Anoda Phase: Thanks!


H:You are right, we dont need to play detective, we need to keep our biz at home!

Yankeenaijababe said...

I love this post, very eye opening and how exciting to know that you are watching Nigerian movies...girl, my mother gave the same advice, keep your relationship issues to yourself, don't leak it all out to the world...very true. I miss ya, happy weekend.

In the midst of her said...

Thanks YNC..hugs! Happy new week to come.

Anonymous said...

Note taken for future use.