Saturday, April 23, 2011

Blindfolded...

I had a friend in college who was dating this really nice guy. He was respectable, funny, sincere, caring and obviously head over heels in love with my friend; he didn't even bother trying to hide it from the world....He was in Love. Fast forward about 2-3 yrs later and the relationship ended... she broke up with him. He cried...begged...swore he would do whatever it took... but the answer was NO. She was done. When I later spoke to my friend, she confided in me that although he was all I had described him to be, she broke up with him because the "...sex was bad" She had told him many times and even though he "tried" to make things better, she just couldn't deal with it anymore. I later on called him to console and encourage him without letting on that I knew the reason.


Have you ever heard of the 80:20 rule?

The 80:20 rule tries to simplify why people cheat,eyes wander or are chronically dissatisfied with their mate. It states that most people receive 80% of what they need from their partners. If by happenstance they met someone they are attracted to outside of their mate, most likely it is because that person has the 20% their mate is lacking. Unfortunately a person can be so hypnotized by the 20% they've been missing that they leave the 80% behind; by the time they've realized, its too late.

Blindfolded


So let's use the above story to put this rule in perspective. The guy was kind gentle, respectful, giving etc but because he wasn't ALWAYS "satisfying her in bed", all the above wasn't worth it anymore. So if home girl started dating a guy who rocked her world in that dept but was lacking every other thing, she would have become a victim of the 80:20 rule.

Although I used sex to explain this rule, the 80:20 rule can be seen in things from weight, to money, to race to looks. I know plenty guys use a girl's weight as a measure of her worth (roll eyes)but I most especially see it in girls turning guys away because of their looks.

Disclaimer
1-Yes, I do know that it is important for a couple to be attracted to each other
2-Yes, I do know it is not a sin to want to be attracted to your partner.

ESO's Hidden Treasures Winners

...but I DO know couples who were not initially attracted to each other but after getting to know each other, the attraction blossomed and resulted in marriage!

From growing up surrounded by boys and once being a tomboy myself, I have found out a secret a LOOOOOT of girls need to know...Ready for it?...Drum roll please... When it comes to men, you can't judge a book by it's cover! There are some reeeaaaallly awesome men out there whom we overlook due to some criteria or another but I assure you,if we took the time to leaf through the outer layer we would be so shocked by what we see. Beneath lies GOLD!



So before we turn a man away, let's look for the hidden treasures his heart might hold!


...musings from atop the potter's wheel...




Side Note on Sex:
Without a shadow of doubt sex is EXTREMELY important in a relationship but unfortunately due to the explicit world we live in, and a bunch of industry produced lies we at times fall prey too; people, especially christian virgins go into marriage thinking its going to be the best thing since slice bread. So much emphasis is placed on it that other traits of ones partner is lost based on what he can or can not make you feel... (but that's a topic for another day...lol)

4 comments:

Ms. Yellow Sisi Unspoken said...

Well spoken, some guys do have alot hidden inside of them and once we are able to grab it, the thought of ever letting it go becomes a nightmare.

Thanks for sharing and Happy Easter!

Yewande S. said...

I love this post! I was just talking to a friend of mine about this recently when she mentioned that a certain guy looked very 'soft.' I had to tell her to get to know the guy first 'cos u just don't judge a book by its cover. You will miss out a lot. I'll send her to your blog

RemiRoy said...

True that! Helping a friend go through this process too. She doesnt want the guy cos he's kinda fat and not that tall.
Nice perspective.


www.royremi.blogspot.com

In the midst of her said...

MYSU:Once you got it...dont let go!

Yewwie: Soft ke? A soft heart is a gentle heart...is a heart that will considers in all he does! Make she shine her eyes well oooh...lol

RR:All those things can be worked on...she could inspire him to lose weight and as long as he is still taller than her...she might be able to manage.