Monday, June 13, 2011

How we became a couple....

So the hubster and I had been introduced by his best friend who happened to be my medical school classmate and best friend as well at the time. The first time we met was very dramatic and rocky but I will leave that for another time. Anyway, we had been friends for about 1-2 mths when he basically placed his cards on the table.

The Hubster: I just want you to know that I am not one of those guys who just hangs around a girl, not stating his intentions and giving mixed signals. I want you to know that I am "here" for a reason, I want to marry you


This was the first time he had shown any kind of wanting to be more than friends and even though it was super scary at that moment, looking back, I truly appreciated his honesty. He wasn't in town to mess with my head or heart and without even knowing how I felt, he came out, took charge and did not leave me trying to read his signals.

...Brownie pt

Well when TH came out, I was not interested on the fence. One reason was I had just found my footing with God and I wanted no distractions but also because I had the conviction that I was NEVER to casually date again (been there...done that... unfortunately started my own club), the next guy I was going to let into my heart was going to be my last bus stop so I needed to feel him out properly! With all this in mind, I told TH that I didn`t know if I wanted anything from him, would appreciate him just being a friend for now and for him to NEVER bring the topic up again until I did.

Looking back, I could see the selfishness in what I asked him but honestly, I did not care. I had been so foolish with my heart in previous instances that for once, I was going to make it all about me. This time, I was protecting my heart.

I give you my heart..

No longer "bending" just to make the guy comfortable, I was worth more than that so it was MY time. That wasn't the last time I was a bit selfish. I remember when valentines day was about 2 days away, I called him up and told him not only did I not want to see/hear/get a text/email/gift whatever from him on that Vals day, I also did not want to see HIM either. I did not want anything clouding my mind and I needed him to know that Vals day was absolutely useless to me and could not be used to buy me.

So TH and I kept up our friendship up for months and to be honest I started melting. Not only was he a great catch by earthly standards, he was great faith wise. There were some things God had spoken to him that I confirmed in his life and vice-versa. TH was more spiritually mature than I was and his friendship led me into a deeper relationship with God and it made me more attracted to him.

Ladies, I will be blunt with you... I looked at my TH the way a guy bought a car. I kicked his tires to see that kind of stability he has. Ladies, never marry a guy you have not had a "all out brawl" with! You need to know how a guys fights. Is he the one who will give you a black eye, or is he the type that will call you, your mama and your grand mama names. Or is he the one who will walk out slamming the door and wont come back for 10 days? You need to know a brother! I popped open the hood to see what can of horse power he had under there. I wanted to know his potential and how far this guy was going in life. I wasn't so concerned about where he was now, but more importantly where he had the ambition and vision to go.

Shake Rattle & Roll Car Show - Lorie


Ladies, I didn't stop there...I opened his trunk to see where he had been and what baggage he had packed in there. It was important to look at things he had done in the past in order to know where he was coming from. All what was left was to get into the car...I knew I had to be very certain because like I said, I wasn't into test driving guys; i wanted something to call my own. Plus I knew that once I got into that seat, those auto locks were going to kick in and it might be hard for me to let go once I was invested.

So why did I do all this? because I needed more than love! I am so against the school of thought that states that as long as you are "in love", nothing else matter..." it's an absolute LIE!!! Love is a HUGE part but not ALL you need... but I digress.


But would he pass the "family test"? It was time for him to meet the family. So to test him, I invited him to my brother's wedding but I also invited a female friend. GF was a friend but she also served as a decoy because I didn't want people to know who TH was yet... so I made sure he and GF were always together so people would think they were the couple. Well, that didn't work too much cuz TH being TH, his eyes were always on me, and eventually my family found out and they ALL loved him. One of my male cousins...the one I mentioned here initially pulled me outside and demanded what I was doing with TH.

Cousin: kilon she pelu guy yii? he is not a big baller naw... He is just too quiet for my liking you need a big boy...okunrin gidi!" .

Guess what? after sitting them both at the same table, I kid you not, 30 mins later, my cousin comes running out and pulled me to the side...again...

Cousin: " Inthemidstof her,this is the one oooh....don't let this boy go oooh. I am so sorry about what I said. This guys is perfect for you"

(roll eyes)

Well as you all know, I did finally get into the car ( ugggh... enough of this car analogy already!!! LOL) About a yr after we met, I called him up and told him he would get an answer in 7 days. I basically laid on the couch one night and wrestled with this issue.

Storms Within My Mind. 2011

Looking back, I knew he was the one but I was still struggling with the truth of the matter in my heart because I don't believe in divorce and forever is such a very long time. TH was so honest, so bare with his heart that it was very overwhelming being with him. I was very used to guys masking their feelings and here was a guy who told me his intentions from the get go...came at me hard and never stopped and I just did not know how to deal with this...it was too...ummmh... raw! TH had made it clear that as long as I said yes, we weren't going to stop till we got to the altar cuz he was sure I was the one. He wanted me to trust him with everything I was, and had and even after pouring out my past; the bad, the badder and the ugly, homeboy didn't even blink. Still, I needed those 7 days to confirm what God was saying so I took TH to the bible to compare and I have to confess, he passed with flying colors. So I took the plunge, said yes and the rest is history.


So that's my story... Hope it inspires you all! If you have any questions, feel free to email me at Inthemidstofher@gmail.com

...musings from atop the potter's wheel

18 comments:

Lil Miss Thang said...

no words :)
Funny how your family were introduced to him. You were wise, not naive! May God open the windows of heaven in your relationship continuously into 2011, 2012, 2013 and forever

Gee said...

Oh wow! Insteresting gist mehn and I loved the Car analogy

doll said...

aw.....

doll said...

and this inspired me truly, like that you took your time to cross the t's and dot the i's. marriage is serious business by all standards

In the midst of her said...

LMT: LOL... thanks girl. Family is huge to me and I didn't want to bring just anyone around them. Amen..amen...amen. I wish you a double portion of the same. Your knight and shining armor will NOT miss you in Jesus' name.

Gee: My newest follower. First of all "BIG HUGS"!!Thanks soo much and welcome to the party.
LOL..the car analogy came to me when I woke up on sat and It was too funny to leave out.

Doll:Hey girl! Yes oooh, marriage is not a joke ooooh... as soon as you say I do...gen gen, it is over! But finding a man to call your own makes it da bomb! I am humbled to have inspired you...

H said...

Oh my....awesome story.
I love your car analogy too. As I kept reading, I said to myself, u must love cars until I noticed u got tired.

I'm exactly or pretty much at the state or stage u were in when u met him and I hope I don't make the new guy pay soo much, which is what my mum fears I myt do after been mis-handled..
I want to walk in with my eyes OPEN too...

Very Inspiring.
I loved every line of this post.
God bless

In the midst of her said...

H: Thanks! I am happy you were able to pick something from my experience. My advice to you is to take your time and pray. The guy God has in store for you will wait and not be dissuaded easily buuuuuttttt.... you also have to compromise; make sure he is treated fairly and respectfully. PLus NEVER let your set your life to another person's clock. I know mom's feelings are based in love but you gotta do you!

Anonymous said...

Inspiring story... it is always a blessing to read your posts; keep them coming.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading this. I'm so blessed to have such a wise and inspiring sister as yourself. We praise God that you made the right decision regarding big brother.

In the midst of her said...

@Anonymous #2(who is actually my sister..lol) Did you just call me wise and inspiring? yeah!! lol... neway on a more serious note, I am happy you witnessed it all and thanks for being such a huge supporter of hubby. I love what you guys have together...

Jaycee said...

Awwww...I love you guys story so much. Lol. You're too funny, didn't expect the car analysis. So interesting.

Ms. Yellow Sisi Unspoken said...

how sweet and inspiring...I always like your analogy on things. Wishing you too the best

Ujuu said...

Am i too late to comment?lol:) C'est formidable! Encore!!! Whether you get 30,13 or zero comments, pleaseee never stop writing these. keep 'em coming cos only in eternity will you fully realise how deeply you've affected lives with your write ups. God bless you sister!

Tosin said...

i don't know why this scared me..I can't imagine a guy being that honest with me to begin with, and also, I don't know if i would feel so open about sharing my whole past with anybody. This was very realistic and made me think of my life..i think that's why it scares me. I'm thinking what if I can't handle all that..

Maggielola said...

Lol @ the car analogy! That's right. In fact, when in doubt, take the car to an auto shop. Let them run diagnostics on it.

Thanks for sharing. I loved reading this! :)

Nikkisho said...

Beautiful! notes taken

Toyole Akinluyi said...

I love this! Truly inspiring. I would love to hear his own side of the story! How he felt, what he went through.

Anonymous said...

Did he do the same with you?