Sunday, February 12, 2012

Letting him lead...

So the hubster and I were grocery shopping; now I should tell you, I don't believe in buying groceries weekly or even monthly. My mother raised me to buy in bulk, so I shop basically once every 2-3 months and trust me, it's much cheaper in the long run. Anyway, I digress...lol. So the hubster and I were wholesale shopping at this place and we had bought so much that our groceries were stacked pile high on the crate thingy we were using. After a while, I realized that I was pushing it so I looked over to the hubster and said "Babes, are you just going to let me push this thing?" He looks over at me and says "Babe you've always wanted to be the one pushing it. You know I don't like it but I was just letting you be you"


Woman with shop on head

1 Peter 3:3-4 "...let your adornment... be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

I have mentioned many times that I had always been a feminist strong female and unfortunately it has pushed the hubster into awkward positions. I have always struggled with letting men (besides family) do anything for me because I believed I was capable within myself. When the hubster was still my boyfriend, I would not take any gift worth more than $5 because I wanted him to know I could provide for myself (...and he wasn't that needed.) I was headstrong, proud and stubborn. This progressed for the longest time. I even remember when I was pregnant with baby boy, I REFUSED to allow the hubster to drive me anywhere; as long as we were in my car, I was going to do the driving, even when my belly was competing with my hands for the steering wheel. Shame on me…;(

nagging wife

Habakkuk 2 vs 4:"Look at the proud; his soul is not straight or right within him..."

The problem was the more I refused to let the hubster be a man and took on manly roles, the more it became easier for him to stop stepping up. If there is many heavy lifting, the hubster would say " babe, that box is heavy, let me lift it" I tell you th second he tells me something is too heavy for me, that's the box gan gan that I MUST carry. Unconsciously the point was I was being proud. I had to show him that I could do stuff too, that I wasn't weak, that I was strong! Unconsciously the result was I was competing with the hubster for the role of provider and he systematically got more comfortable leaving me with hard stuff to do.

Female Bodybuilder

So, Praise God. Fast forward some years ( ok...ok...21 months...lol) of experiences and God just breaking me down and rebuilding, I have seen how complicated and unfortunate I was making my own life and marriage. God has shown me the results of my previous actions and he has equally shown me the blessing and the fruitfulness my marriage has experienced since I've changed. I now let the hubster be the man and leader he was created to be. I now accept his jacket even if the results means he'll be a bit cold. I let him open my car door for me and honestly, I hardly ever pick up the car keys because being chauffeured is 10x better than being the one driving...lol

...Musings from atop the potter's wheel...

11 comments:

SAMUEL EKUNDAYO said...

WOW! Ma, this is a very powerful point you have brought up. It seem ladies (especially the well learned ones) tend to believe they can do (most things) without their men. I am a firm believe in allowing the man lead! Not enforcing himself but being the 'gentleman' that he should be! It is very important.

I am the kind of man that I almost wouldn't let my woman do anything (well apart from cooking) if I am around her. I always want to carry her bag; do the washing; do the cleaning and so on. It'd be bad if I am denied these things. I don't want to ever be a handicap cos someone won't let me do the things I enjoy doing...

May God help us. Thanks for sharing ma. Very insightful.

- LDP

Yankeenaijababe said...

Quite a lesson to be learnt here, great tips, will learn something from this.lol

How's your weekend going?

Unveilinggold said...

Awesome! Thanks for sharing. I know ey its good to step back and let them lead there is a reason they are made the head of the house.

Jennifer Abayowa said...

Lol. The way you write about these truths is amazing. We must let our husbands take the lead. Happy valentines day, love.

Myne Whitman said...

Interesting point, and insightful.

I am a feminist too and will always pull my weight. However, I am not a man and will never try to be. Except in my next life maybe, lol...

In the midst of her said...

Sir mi sir (Sam): thanks!! We need more men like you!!!

Ync: I dey my luv!!

UV: yes, ooh. God's plan is the best!

JC: happy Val's my luv!!!

Myne: I have given up my feminist card ohhhh! No more!!

Okeoghene said...

Everyone had a role to play. It is right to let him lead

Abi Tobi said...

o aww.. I keep 'awwing' at ur posts... this one right here is important tho

dosh said...

Hmmm... i need to grab a footstool to learn at your feet, lol. This is deep. thanks for sharing, God bless you

In the midst of her said...

OK:We tend to think leading is all about power, we forget the sacrifice godly men make in order to move their family forward.

Dosh:I am deeply humbled by your words, it's all God and I am happy to share.


Abi: Thanks Abi!!

Destiny - Yankeenaijachick + Success said...

you have been awarded the versatile blog award, enjoy the rest of the day