I always tell my girls, if you ever find someone who tell you that their marriage is flawless, you better run. I will be the first to tell you that marriage is hard work and I am going to give you a glimpse into my experience in the other side
When the hubster met me due to past experiences and different beliefs, I was a very
Well fast forward through some years filled with growth, trials and marriage and I have learnt that the " going for the jugular" technique isn't the way to go. Now while I hope my blog has given you the impression that I am madly in love with the hubster; I hope it hasn't given you the impression that we never fight. So how does someone in love fight with the husband she loves? I call my technique " Tap and then back"
Prov 15 vs 1: A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.(NASB).
A little background: With arguments, as I mentioned before, I have always been a "go for the jugular" kinda girl. You know the one who doesn't stop till one person is barely alive? ( verbally of course, never physical..lol). Well, not long after I got married, I realize that"Going for the jugular" wasn't going to work with the hubster because instead of "getting into it" with me, he would for the sake of peace withdraw. That came with a huge price because depending how crazy I had gotten, it took him some time to get over my actions.
So I came up with plan B. I decided that I would rather take any wrong doings in silence and just swallow them, than let them make me get into an argument. Shebi, people who love each other shouldn't fight? I felt it would be easier to just go into a quiet room and scream my heart out than to fight with my husband; especially knowing I had issues with my mouth. Guess what? That didn't work either. Why? Well, I had gone from getting every inch of my frustrations out, no matter the cost ( It was my right to be angry abi?...wrong) to completely bottling them in (I will never fight with the hubster again...still wrong).
The problem with bottling everything in was that it was leading to resentment. I would wake up in the AM with some heavy feeling within my heart and anger towards the hubster without really knowing why. After deep thought, I would trace it back to unresolved issues that had taken place 1 week ago!! My heart wanted to let it go but my flesh couldn't! They weren't in union. Want to know the worse part? The hubster, who had no idea I was mad at him ( shebi I was keeping it all in right?) would be walking around the house singing and that only got me more pissed. Here I was boiling inside and tired of the burden of keeping it all in in order to keep the peace and here he was all care free.... IT WASN'T WORKING!!
Then through grace I developed a technique called "Tap and Back"... and this has made fighting such a peace of cake.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Musings from atop the potter's wheel...