Sunday, April 22, 2012

He doesn't need my love...

...at least not the way I thought he did.


I had the intense blessing of having dinner with a wonderful couple of God! The hubster has periodically mentioned over the years about how the wife was the most respectful and humble woman he had ever met. He said the way she treated her husband was refreshing and he had never met a more loving wife.  Well now that I was going to hang out with her, I wanted to get into her head and find out what I could do to take over the most "respectful and humble wife" title the hubster had given her. It should be me, not her! LOL. After much talking, I got to the point and asked her to give me a "double portion" of  the spirit she had and bluntly asked her how did she make loving her husband look so easy. How could I satisfy my husband in all ways?  She smiled and simply said "There are only two things a man needs, Sex and respect, if you can give them this, you'll have them eating out the palm of your hand"

shocked

BAM!!!

Say what??!! Did she just say....ummmh... the "S word"

Don't get me wrong,  I am not prudish when it comes to sex; I view sex as a gift from God and there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed of it as long as you do it God's way...but to have a conk woman of God basically breaking down how to  have your man lost in you into sex and respect??

 Here I was expecting her to give me a short sermon; you know,  telling me how she fasts eights days a week and  speaks in tongues 26 hours a day but man, the simplicity of her statement blew me away!

Respect
"Husbands love your wives..and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5)

I am a physical person, I love to touch and be touched. The easiest way the hubster can show me love and affection without even opening his mouth is just to touch me...anywhere....lol. I melt!!! Well early in my marriage, I thought it went both ways. I would literally be all over the hubster 24 hours a day if I could. Rubbing his shoulders, a hand on his back, holding his hand while we strolled etc. Then during one of our State of the Union sessions, he told me he loves all that but it doesn't do him the way it obviously does me. WHAAAT!!!! . It took me a while to believe this but after reading many books and speaking to a lot of men I realized that women need love, but men need respect. God was giving us the master plan when he said those simple words above. When I respect the husbter, he views this as me loving him and desires this more than anything. The respect language speaks louder than physical touch ever can. The more I respect him, the more he loves me which makes me respect him more and ...on and on.

53/365 - R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Well if thats what the husbter needs...thats what he'll get after all nkan to ba gba l'ama fun  abi?

Sex

To be continued...



...musings from atop the potter's wheel...

15 comments:

Destiny - Yankeenaijachick + Success said...

This post is an inspiring one, respect is key to any good marriage, good food and sex is next.lol I think marriages where the women love and respect their men, treat him like the king he is do last longer, then putting God first as well

Destiny - Yankeenaijachick + Success said...

How have you been?

SAMUEL EKUNDAYO said...

I will start from the end part, I can't wait for the next part o haha. Sincerely, even though I am not married yet, I totally agree with the woman. I have come to discover the times I am not happy with my woman are those few times where I felt I deserved more respect than I got. I grew up with the image of my mother as the perfect kind of wife where humility is always there. Till today, my Mum still knees to greet my Dad and does the same when serving his food. No wonder, my Dad is so fond of my Mum. Even when he travels, he can call 10times in 6hours. lol. Respect for the man does wonders. Thanks for sharing with us again. I am learning a whole lot from you ma. God bless you.

- LDP

Och3ny3 said...

LOL at conk WOM. Your blog has being a blessing. Thank you.

In the midst of her said...

Chibabe: I dey my dear. Respect... Food ...sex!!! You've got that right!!

LDP aka Sir mi sir: hmmm, your mom reminds me of my mil, she does exactly the same. But you do know that what one man sees as respect, is viewed as different by another guy. Actually you've inspired me to write a little more on respect, unfortunately it might delay my continuation on sex...lol.

Och3ny3: thanks girl!!! Your words encourage me. I appreciate them.

Blessing said...

I here that all the time...sex and respect...it seems so simple yet people are suffering in unhappy marriages...I don't get it

In the midst of her said...

Blessing: Girl, sex and respect doesn't make a good marriage....It makes a good marriage work! I am not saying just throw some sex and respect into a bowl of chaos and it will make things all rosy...NOOOOO but if you have a good God ordained marriage, sex and respect will make your man's head spin!

Jennifer Abayowa said...

In our Young Marrieds group we watched Andy Stanley talk about the same concept: women need tenderness, men need respect (of course both parties need all of the above, but the priorities for the wife are different from those for the husband). Throw in sex and deal the deal. Ha ha ha.

Myne Whitman said...

When I read these sorts of posts, I often wonder. Is it the assumption that women generally don't respect people so they need to be TOLD to LEARN respect especially to their hubbies?

I think it makes more sense to call it the name the bible does. Submission. :)

In the midst of her said...

Hey myne: I can't speak for other writers but my main point of this post is that men don't need "love" in the typical way we women do. Most men don't need constant affirmations about the partners love as much as they need the constant affirmation of respect. If you make a man choose between numerous L-bombs (love) from his woman and a silent but constant show of respect in private n public; hands down, he'll choose respect! Thanks for reading.

In the midst of her said...

MYne: PS... Girl, Theres a huge difference btw submission n respect! LOL. You can submit grudgingly with discontentment towards ur hubby but it's super hard to respect someone you're discontent with.

Anonymous said...

Girl, I bought up this topic with my husband on what men want in society. His response was that many men just want peace from their women. If a woman is not dramatic and well behaved meaning she treats others right. All is well. Once a woman starts causing problems, then you know things start changing hence.

Myne Whitman said...

I really don't agree with most generalizations, each man is different and what each wants is different. Psychologists like Dr. Chapman have figured out 5 love languages, I'm sure there are even more. Applying what works for Pastor's wife to your relationship without testing may lead to disaster.

If a woman is generally disrespectful then she needs to work on herself, if she is disrespectful just to her spouse, she or they possibly need marital counselling.

Derin said...

Your blog was more fun when you weren't blogging for an audience :(

H said...

Right on. I've heard this too many times not to believe that it is actually true.