Monday, May 28, 2012

If you choose to...

I had just gotten in from work and was prepping to go out for a run:

Run Dream

Mother in law:"Wow, na wa for this your working out ooh"
Me: (laughing) "Thats how I keep the hubster's eyes on me"
MIL: Well your figure 8 is intense now, you've lost so much weight since you got married
Me: (Head swelling) lol... I try.
MIL:Great Job!  Wives shouldn't make their husbands suffer just because God ordained them together.

Prov 5 vs 18-19 ( NLT): May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth..May you always be captivated by her love.

That was the dose of deepness my MIL laid on me a while back and its stayed with me since then. A lot of women are tempted to let things slack once they bag the guy and their men are quick to notice. I think our christian brothers are in a more stickier situation with this.  Let me explain… so if Mr "In the world and don't know Christ" starts getting tired of the Mrs, he has the option of cheating, strippers etc and he can even divorce her without problems. Well, Mr "Born Again- 1 woman for life" on the other hand has none of these options. He has sworn an oath before God and he intends to keep it.  So he tries…and he manages the 25lb weight gain, the lack of the hot things she use to do, the shabby dressing and he has nowhere to turn to but God!  Eventually if things don't change the marriage becomes just another "relationship"; sure he won't leave her but being with her isn't necessarily what he wants either.

Unhappy couple in park

My MIL's words planted a seed in my heart. I don't want the hubster to "manage" me or our marriage. I don't want him wishing for the good ol' days or even for a sec questioning if I was the "right" one. To achieve this, I created a personal "be the same or better" rule. I need to make sure in all things physical, I am either the "same" which is the way the hubster "found" me or better.  For example, in a previous post I mentioned my weight challenges. Well  the hubster NEVER complained about my weight but I decided to lose weight and managed to lose 22lbs. So according to my mental rule, If worse comes to worse, I could stay the same weight the husbter found me and if I so choose, I could lose it but  getting bigger than my starting weight is not allowed.  Let me give another example, I LOVE to cook for the hubster and before we got married, I cooked a lot for him and his paddies. So according to my personal rule, I can keep the cooking up or if I so desire improve (which can mean anything like experimenting with food from other countries etc) but the absolute No-No would be for me to stop cooking all together.

cooking chicken soup

Now to each his own, men love different kinds of women, after all variety is the spice of life.  My theory is that if thats how he found you and thats how he likes you, it's all good and dandy but stay they same or improve, don't go downhill. A good way to improve is to ask your man  his opinion. Not only does it boost his ego and show him that his words mean a lot to you, you also get the truth about his likes/dislikes. With this, you can easily make a change…that is, if you choose too ;)


Musings from atop the potter's wheel

6 comments:

SAMUEL EKUNDAYO said...

This does not only apply to the women. I does for us men likewise. Some men will go start putting up potted belly in the name that they are not in the market anymore, like one of my uncles said sometime back.

I remember been laughed at when one of my female friends said, very soon, I'd lose my abs when I get married. I was like, "will getting married disorientate me from taking care of myself or what?" Her response, "we shall see".

I don't believe marriage should make one slack in retaining what first attracted one's spouse; rather, as you have advised, it should even get better. If its one person for life, then that one person must remain the best! It's sacrifice! It comes with pain but the profit is way way worth it.

God bless you for this lesson once again ma. Surely send it to her! haha

- LDP

Priscy said...

wow! your post is so on point!

www.apysworld.blogspot.com

In the midst of her said...

Pricy: Thanks!!!

Sir Me Sir: Of course it applies to you men..lol. Although I LOVE my men readers, you know this blog is for my ladies...hehe. Thanks so much for your encouragement and I hope you and the Mrs2be enjoys discussing it.

Anonymous said...

#word!

Olaedo said...

Kudos to you for being determined in achieving your weight loss goals. I say that 'cos it's actually easier to let things go as soon as the ring is on that finger.

Sometimes, it's the notion that there's no one else to compete with for the man's attention.
Other times, it's just the increase in responsibilities that causes that slide from graceful and trendy to frumpy and not-so-trendy.

Whatever the reason, though, it's important to realize that even though what's on the inside is more important, eye must first chop... most of the time.

P.S. I came across your blog a few days ago and I absolutely love it! The down-to-earthness of it appeals to me so, I'm following you already :)

olachi said...

Stumbled on this blog via your twitter. Love the write up plus the weight loss thing is affecting me (I have been wanting to lose weight since forever). Time constraint is my biggest enemy cos of school.