Thursday, May 17, 2012

Sex is not...

In a previous post, I  mentioned things people often confused with love. To jump off my post on Sex in the marriage, I thought it would be fitting to do a "Sex is not..." post. I want you to know that I dont base my sex life on  fads, what my friends say or what I "feel".  My notions on sex are based on one thing and one thing only... the bible and my walk with God. This post is an intro of sorts to the posts I will be doing on Sex within the marriage so it won't be in depth. I will also hold off on scripture till the actual post so I won't  bore you with much repetition.  Lastly, even though I don't try to be controversial, I certainly don't care if I am...

1- Sex is not Love
My pen is black, My ink is pale, My love 4 U..had always faile !!
If I had a penny for… anyway. Ladies, Sex is not love;  Great mind numbing, body weakening sex doesn't mean he loves, wants to love or even knows how to love you.  People who have sex before marriage sometimes live in a post sex nirvana where everything is all right or will be all right in time. By the time, their eyes clear… hmmm, its too late.

2- Sex is not a thermometer
Temperature Check

    Neither is it a ruler. It can't predict the state of your relationship and guess what? it's a horrible predictor of your present because it clouds your judgement.

3- Sex is not a Reward
'begging for a treat'
    Wives, your body isn't your own. it belongs to your husband just as his belongs to you. Sex within the marriage should not be used as a form of currency.  For example, if your hubby mows the lawn, does the laundry and comes home on time then he'll get some… Sex wasn't created for that purpose.

4- Sex is not a form of Punishment


See #3! Just as it shouldn't be a reward for mowing the lawn, neither should it be his punishment for not doing it.

5- Sex is not a spectator sport, a group effort nor is  a fad follower.
three is a crowd

 "I'll record it and "mistakenly" upload it you youtube"…"Lets spice things up with your friend Bimbo"…"Let's do it like they do it". *Rolls Eyes*

Hollywood ( and I use this term loosely, feel free to replace fit with nollywood, the western world etc…) has put such a sensational spin on sex. I have girls saying their husbands want them to do certain things within the bedroom not necessarily because either one wants it but because it seems like the "thing" to do. It's like when a certain star shaved off  one part of her hair and left the other side long. LOL, I saw many chicks get the same hairstyle regardless of wether it suited them or not. Some girls even got it because " everyone else was"…. The best sex is sex you and your hubby enjoys and agrees on.  To some it could be "dry" and not as "adventurous" as what they see on TV but it really isn't their business now is it?

6- Sex is not rocket Science!

Math Formulas

I know a lot of people who want to "test drive" a partner sexually before marriage. "Hmm…how will I know if he can do it? what if it's dry and I don't enjoy it…hmmm, I need to know he can do it properly oooh"  A lot of people, especially Virgins fall into this trap out of ignorance. Guess what? Sex isn't rocket science. You don't need an PhD to know what you are doing!

Here's the formula:

Marriage + Communication + Practice+ Patience+ Love = Mind shattering Sex!  It's that simple.

( Ps…Shout out's to all my Virgins in the house still trying to fight the good fight, It won't be in vain!)

Musings from atop the potter's wheel...



REAL Truth. Thanks for sharing this and the encouragement right after. May God see us through.

Let me add to the formular:

Marriage (because its God-ordained) + Communication + Practice + Patience + Practice + Practice + Love + Practice (raise to the power of 5) = Mind shattering Sex!

hahaha... I got that from the many blogs I've read. lol

In the midst of her said...

Sir Mi…I hope you understand yoruba cuz mo gba tie jare!!!!

Jaycee (E.A) said...

Loved it! Well written. :)

sugarspring said...

as hit the nail on the head...GBAM!! proving wrong the silly theories give when you tell them premarital sex is wrong or any form of sex outside marriage
it isnt sex that makes you two compatible or makes one know couples know each other well....that should be after the marriage contract has been signed but before then, they are so many ways one can get to know each other.
how come peopla have friends and yet they didnt have to sleep with each other before they became that close
i believe our flesh and the world has a way of making things suite its desires..
Lovely blog ma'am...
mine is at www.

sugarspring said...

this is very nice!!!!!...and you hit the nail so well on the head!!>..GBAM!!! putting silly theories that the world has laid down for people making them feel its Sex that makes you get to know the person well...and that is so NOt how God intended it to was created for married couples alone>>>PERIOD!!>..animals are the ones who have the license to do so without getting married but we have that ability to discern and do what is right
lovely blog and post.already ff u
visit mine at

Anonymous said...

26 and still on team v, patiently waiting. The perfect time...


Mo gbo Yoruba ma o. Thank you ma :)

I am not sure I have particularly shared with you why I love your blog. My fiance too is a medical doctor to be and I just love how your life is a good example and how you value your marriage over your career. While my fiance may not be able to follow this blog, I send her every single post on it to read and then we discuss. You're amazing ma. May God continue to use you for us. Keep blessing lives.


1 + The One said...

Loved it! Thanks for the nuggets of wisdom :-)
My favourite is the one that Le Dynamique Professeur highlighted.
I'm getting ready to practice and practice (raised to the power infinity) until we are both experts! lol xx
Also Team V!

Tobiloba said...

word! Well written and engaging

Ajaero said...

Nne, why can't I just hit a LIKE button here on Blogspot
I love the last one
It is NOT rocket science o jare...
That formula you gave is gbam...

Femmetotale said...

"People who have sex before marriage sometimes live in a post sex nirvana where everything is all right or will be all right in time. By the time, their eyes clear… hmmm, its too late."
You're so right! A friend of mine once confessed to me that she realized after he r/ship failed that the major problem was the premarital sex bcos as soon as the sex started she was no longer unable to make logical decisions. In her own words, "when next I want to start a r/ship I'll make sure I keep the sex out so I can think from my brain and not my v***" (keeping out the explicit content) But seriously, abstinence is just best. U avoid unnecessary mistakes.
Great post, dear!