Sunday, June 10, 2012

Dear Inthe…Spanking!

Dear Inthe…
In another article, you promised to write about your reasons for Spanking. Please do share.


Hey 'Nony,
Spanking…lol. Where do I begin with this one?
To those who don't know, I have a 2 yr old son. He is the light of my life, my smile, my sunshine and my worldy everything ( sorry, hubster. *Evil Grin* ). The first time I held him, I cried my heart out and fell hopelessly in love with him.  To say I love him, is like saying the God is just an OK God… huge understatement!! With this love comes responsibility. It is my desire  and responsibility to raise this God's gift into the best  person he can be so that when it comes his turn to start making his own decisions, he'll have a strong Christian foundation to build up from.


With that said… do I spank Babyboy? You better believe it!!! Now, here I have to digress and define what Spanking is, because as Nigerians, we have this rubbish, animalistic habit of calling everything under the sun spanking as long as it done with an instrument ( Sorry, I think I got too emotional there…lol). We've all seen it… kids being beating to an inch of their lives  for one thing or another; that, I count as "beating the spit" out of a person, not spanking.

I remember in high school, I had the bible knowledge teacher ( who happened to be the most wicked teacher in school…go figure), beat a chick so much, he split her cheek open ( yeah you read right!!) Till the day I left that school, she carried that scar and her parents didn't even blink. Mo jeeri Iya mi, Iya ni wura…she would have paid area boys to burn the guy's house down! Ok, I lie, she would have burnt it down herself…but I digress. LOL

Why do you Spank
At this age, most children are realizing they have a personality. The want what they want it, when they want it and how they want it. I bet most of you has seen a child throw a temper tantrum in a store because they want their moms to buy them a gallon of ice cream or something. It even gets sad when the kid throws themselves on the floor and refuses to move and the mom has to plead or give in and buy the stuff. I don't blame the kids in this situation because they are self centered, selfish and narcissistic…exactly what God created them to be at this age. Children below a certain age lack empathy and I think its a self protective thing. When they are hungry, they do what they do to get fed but at a certain age as well, this needs to be stripped off. I need my son to listen to me and do as I say, not necessarily because I am a dictator but because at his age, I can say I know the best for him.

What do you spank with ?
spanking fox

At this age, I use the palm of my hand…no belts, shoes or hangers. Also I will NEVER EVER slap my child. It's just a personal choice my husband and  I have taken because we believe when you strike a child in the face, you've crossed the line into emotional abuse. Spanking is not about abusing, embarrassing or belittling a child, its a way of correcting and guiding.

Give us an example

Emily's three fingers for a Juggling Frogs blog post

Babyboy likes to put on the dishwasher and climb up the couch to play with light switches. His chubby beautiful hands have now realized he can maneuver his thumb and forefinger to do pretty much anything he wants them to do. He also has a habit of refusing to walk and lying on the ground ( in public!) when he doesn't want to go somewhere. So the rule is, he has 3 strikes.  I tell him to get up/sit down/don't touch etc 3 times. After the third time, he gets a smack or 2 on his bum. When he was younger, he would cry more out of shock than pain but nowadays, when I say "Baby boy ma na e oo ( I only speak yoruba to my son), he usually gets up immediately! When he's being extra naughty, he'll wait till I've warned him twice before he  get up and run. Also, I don't apologize to him when he cries after a spanking. I calmly explain to him why I spanked him… after he calms down. I go right back to my usual "hugs and kisses" and it is all well.

I hope I answered your Q's


…musings from atop the potter's wheel...



Interesting read ma and thanks for sharing. I like how you share your very own experience than mere theoretical stuffs; that's why I love your blog.

Moreover, I once heard a pastor (while I was back in Nigeria) preached that beating a child with the hand may not be godly as the bible talks about the rod. He said the belt is not "the rod", neither is the use of the hand or biting, pinching (like some parents do) but an actual cane. Like the pankere type.. Do you agree?


Jennifer Abayowa said...

I like your method...*wink*

Olaedo said...

I really love this post cos I can definitely relate with all you've said.

I have two young children and I spank them when there's a need to. But, I've realized that inappropriate anger can cause any adult to cross that line and step into that zone where spanking become abuse. So, in my experience, I get rid of the anger first. When that red haze isn't blinding me, I can stay objective and correct with love instead of destroy.

Thanks a lot for sharing.