Thursday, October 25, 2012

Dear Inthe… Is Love Enough?

******Hey Guys, I am placing a short break in transmission in my “ Through His Eyes” Series to bring a “Dear Inthe…” question. When someone writes to ask for advice, besides trying to help with my own thoughts, I post them on this blog ( if the writer  permits me of course) in order for them to get more opinions.  I could have waited till I finished my series but I wanted my writer to get as much advice ASAP especially since his issue is happening “ now”. So make sure you leave your own biblical based 2 cents!

Dear  Inthe…

Thanks for creating a platform for personal issues to be shared with confidentiality.

I come from a pentecostal background that strongly believes in marrying from the fold i.e born again Christians and preaches against marrying unbelievers - of which they include Catholics.

The dilemma is this: I'm dating a wonderful lady who's catholic and this preaching from church keep reverberating in my mind.

I know you are a born again Christian too and that's why I need your advice. Do I forge on, based on my personal convictions or 'yoking' myself with a catholic is unacceptable?

Enquiring heart

Hey EQ,

Hi! First of all, thank you so much for inviting me into your life; I know matters of the heart are personal and at times difficult to deal with. I pray it answers your question.

 So your question is can a “Born Again Christian be coupled with a Catholic”? You’ve been bombarded continuously with the scripture warning against being “unequally yoked” but what does that even mean? This is a great question; a question I’ve heard from people close to me. Well, I don’t have the answer to it because I think we are looking at this topic from the wrong perspective. Let me explain…

The spectrum of Christianity is very wide; we have apostolics, protestants, pentacostal, non- demonominational, deeper life, catholics, anglicans and the list goes on. More important than the “titles” we give ourselves is what we actually believe. The question shouldn’t be should a “Catholic” date a “born again Christian” but “ Does my potential partner and I share the same beliefs”?

Amos 3 vs 3: Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?

loves connection

What are your fundamental beliefs about God, his word and your faith in it? Do they mesh with hers? I had a guy very close to me date a catholic girl. At a time he invited her to church, she blatantly told him that she didn’t believe in a lot of things he did; well, unfortunately for her, he did believe in all those things and took them very seriously. Need I say he parted ways with her? Now there is a flip side to this as well; rather than breaking up, one of you might pull a Ruth and say “…"Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God (Ruth 1 vs 16) but at what cost? Can you truly worship and find spiritual fulfillment at her church and vice versa? Can she still be willing to follow your spiritual lead 5 years from now when the honeymoon glow is over and the true work begins? Can you hear God’s voice as clearly in her church as you hear it in yours? and vice versa of course. Can you stand confident before God on judgement day? Sounds pretty dramatic huh? But you will NEVER know the work marriage is until you get into it; the less complicated you make it, the better.

Look Left , Look Right .

Nothing is ever as simple as it appears and love is complicated. So what if you guys break up? You might meet a woman who is “within the fold” and still have differences in beliefs as well! That shows that the question isn’t with the title but what is within the person.  Sit with her, talk with her and pray about her. I pray God shows you the way….


Musings from atop the potter’s wheel...


Unveilinggold said...

Good point Inthe...

I was having same issue, when I spoke with my dad he said the same thing you said, its not the church but whats the seed? whats are character and belief? because God has plans for every marriage, so evaluate if ur beliefs and values matches up with hers

Tessa Doghor said...

Seating in a church does not make you a christian, it is your beliefs that make you a Christian.
What does she believe? What are her values?
Is she committed to God? Is she willing to commit her life to you?
because after marriage, you become her head spiritually.
Do you two agree on the major issues?
What are the deal breakers that you both need to believe in or else?
Does he do the word of God?
I asked this so that he realizes that it is his responsibility to protect you.

Anonymous said...

i couldnt have said it better!

Anonymous said...

I come from a staunch catholic background and my husband still amrried me because I was who God told him to marry. Today I attend RCCG with him and have been re-baptised and actually have let go most of my catholic beliefs that do not conform with the bible i.e praying through saints, reading the rosary etc...

As the man, you are going to be the head of your home. Hve you actaully spoken with her if she would be flexible with her catholism? Are ur kids going to be torn both ways? Personally, I think this is something both of you need to discuss and you need to pray about.

Catholics believe in Jesus and His gospel of salvation and His being our messiah, at the end of the day that is the foundation for all Christainity.

Anonymous said...

In the has actually said it ll. Its not the name of church but what each individual strongly believes, just lik she said, u may follow ur family values and go for the "fold" and still discover that the one in the "fold" wasn't even the right one God planned for u. So if u feel u av found the favor of God in the catholic girl and of course, u r sure dat u both av d same belief in God, den I suggest u forge ahead with ur happiness and speak to ur family. After all I believe she will def become part of the "fold" ur family desires afta uv married her. My 2 cents

Tosin said...

I would be more concerned with if she is born again. I know a lot of protestants are against the catholics saying they're too dogmatic and not really christians (born again)...i don't really know what i believe, but I feel that God chooses to relate with whomever, however, a catholic could have a deeper relationship with God than a protestant and vice versa and that's the important thing. But I agree with Inthe.. it's not about the title but if you share the same beliefs, sit down and really talk with her. Goodluck!

Unyime-Ivy King said...

It is important that you and your wife to be, are on the same page spiritually, because God created marriage to display power, and the same unity that exists in the God-head. The husband is the physical/spiritual head of the union and embodied in him, are the leadership roles and for him to succeed in his God-given tasks, he needs a wife who is also mature enough spiritually so that together, they raise godly offspring that will glorify God and extend His hands on earth. Every marriage is supposed to display the power of God and become a solution center for others. This cannot happen if one person is committed to his relationship with God, and the other trivializes spiritual issues. So, you must determine if you are at par, or nearly so in the matters of faith. If you are not, is she teachable enough to learn? Is she growing one day at a time, and allowing the Holy Spirit to lead her? First of all, go back to your Maker and seek His face on this. You can never tell what His plans for you are-and it is His plans/purposes that matter, not yours, not your parents.' Once you have divine conviction please proceed without hesitating.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for speaking to my heart.
I currently am in such a situation. Even though I know I shouldn't be in this relationship, I am sticking around majorly because I think about how shattered his life would be if I walk.
I believe I was divinely led here this morning.. God is truly speaking to my heart.
My "intended" has such a beautiful soul BUT we are so not on the same page spiritually.. We have gone back and forth on this issue and I even advised he changed Church but still he says he can't find spiriritual fulfilment in another Church and I am so convinced about my beliefs that I can't seem to succumb to his beliefs.. He has advised I go to "my own church and he goes to his" but where's the "unity" in that?
I have received to many revelations and I do know that I can't change him, except God but I have found it difficult to walk as I keep going back to him even when I have made up my mind not to..
Thanks for this piece ma.. I have been liberated!

Abi Tobi said...

U all said it all, the name of the church doesn't determine someone's personal relationship with God.. Does she know God for God? And also, what is God saying to you concerning your relationship? I believe God is speaking but you might not be listening, but he is

And love is not enough, there is the God factor and for you there is the fundamental foundation factor but with everything, apply wisdom. You both should talk with honesty with one another