Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Through his Eyes…Flawed

Marry Me…

BEWARE OF TRAP !! .. item 3C.. Chris Rock - Married Life (Nelson Mandela - spent 6 months with his wife and say I can't this sh*t no more !) -- Those are choices you got in life, man.  ...

He wanted to marry me. Three years ago, I would have jumped and Hi-fived the sky but now…I had this weird feeling in my heart; something wasn’t right.  He had just told me, he didn’t want a relationship with me, what had changed in those three years.

A lot… Lets go back a bit, to the next time we saw after he said “No"

I remember seeing him at my brother’s wedding. it was about a year after and we had absolutely no communication.  On my side, I had physically lost some weight and gotten braces to straighten my teeth, went from a tomboy to a more feminine me BUT… on the inside, I was still me; with the same feelings. We lived on different coasts and hadn’t seen since that embarrassing day but as we were family  I knew he was going to be there and my heart was a jumble of emotions.  First thing he said to me was “ Wow, now THATS what I’m talking about!  You look great!” Right when I was about to bask in the glow of his approval, ( what I had wanted ALL my life) he added “ …but what happened to your butt? You’ve lost your butt!”

*Gulp*…

I just couldnt get it right!!  I had lost weight but it seemed too much. One sec I was too fat, now I had lost enough but in the wrong place.  I still wasn’t good enough.

Not Good Enough.

I couldnt deal with this..this.. not being good enough part. I had lived with it for a while especially in secondary school. He was THE MAN in school. You know the popular one every girl wanted to be with. He had the swagger, the looks, the conversation. He had it all!  I had girls become my friends SOLELY to get closer to him. it was always “Ooooh Inthe… introduce me to your cousin, he is soooo fine..Is he single?” He actually dated a close friend of mine and I had to silently deal with it. He left my brother’s wedding with me on limbo; was I good enough now, or wasn’t I ? I didn’t have an answer…

Day 298/365 ~ So Don't Give Up on Me; Please Remind Me Who I Really Am [Explored]

I was a VERY secure person who was able to “work" a room without breaking a sweat but he had a way of making me feel less than myself , a way of making me feel…well, not beautiful; mentally, physically and emotionally.

Fast forward …

Now, he was coming to me about getting married and boy, was I confused! I needed time. Time to think, to evaluate, to think if I could spend my life with this guy.  Did my flesh want him? You better believe it (not talking only sexually…I mean in all ways), I had decided all my life that it was going be him; but was he the right person for me?   It was weight today but what would it be tomorrow? Why was he always critiquing me? Would i be ever be secure in myself with him  I couldn’t answer the question. So i didn’t….Mentally, I ran

One night, my doorbell rang… It was him; flown into town and it was time to talk…. he needed an answer and wasn’t leaving without one… I couldn’t run any longer….




Musings from atop the potter’s wheel...



13 comments:

Destiny said...

...nice one, the article in Essence magazine made me sad...one has to learn to love oneself, hope she recovers fully.

1 + The One said...

ITMoH, noooooooooooooo!
This suspense is.. suspenseful lol
Gash! I'm just a sucker for any form of romance :-D
Love the story, suspense and all.. Looking forward to know what happened next xx

In the midst of her said...

Lol… thanks 1…. will try not to keep you waiting!

Oluwaseun Sodunke said...

Inspiring!

I've had to let go of some relationships, because most found pleasure in constant criticism and negativity. We have to be mindful of the people we let into ourselves. Good or bad can be done to us, depending on who is in our lives. Some people just want to be your friend, or be with you because of your looks or brain. Being able to filter out 'so-called-friends- is essential.

I like your story; I can relate in many ways. Thanks for sharing! :)

Funmi said...

I love the story, I am sitting here hoping the answer was a NO...lol.

blogoratti said...

Interesting...

Toluwa said...

Your contact me button does not seem to be working.

Awaiting the continuation of this story.

In the midst of her said...

Seun: I totally agree. Thanks for reading!


Funmi…Keep reading :-)

Blogaratti: Thanks!

Toluwa: it’s up, running and working. Feel free to email me at Inthemidstofher@gmail if you are having probs.

Hannahs Haven said...

Loving the story, not liking the suspense though.

sugarspring said...

this was interesting and captivating..
pleeeeeeeeeeeease, dont keep us hanging for so long i beg of you..lol

Ms. Yellow Sisi Unspoken said...

MoH this is really interesting I love it and please let us read the next part soon *wink*...have a bless weekend!

Jemima said...

oya o its been a while update pls..this suspense is killing..

Blessing said...

I agree with Jemima! We're waiting...