Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Soft like Butter!

So my plan for the year is to work on myself as a wife. The first item on the agenda is to become softer...

I am not a “cryer”… Of all the years the hubster has known me, he has seen me cry twice, and one time I was pregnant, so you know with all those pregnancy hormones, that time didn’t really count…lol. The hubster has come to know me as this strong chick of his and  he’s quite comfortable with it.  If I fell down on my butt, the hubster would pull me up, give me knuckle and a bro hug ( You know, the one shoulder ones) and keep it moving. Now don’t get me wrong, my man will go to war for me, but if there is no actual enemy, he leaves me to myself. LOL.

Xena Warrior Princess

Actually, its not his fault, I made him that way. Growing up a tomboy and also almost clocking 6’ft, there is some of feminine-ness that I never cultivated.  I’m the kind of girl that feels comfortable doing things on her own and it’s made me well…ummmh…. ( hides face in shame)...I won’t lie….Hard. There, I said it!!  I also have a stubborn streak in me; like when we go shopping, the thing that the hubster swears is too heavy for me to lift, is the exact thing gan gan I must carry. Well all this was well and good until…It happened.

My cousin got married… you know the one I mentioned here  and she is a small petite lady who married a tall “man’s man”. Well, we were  prepping for the wedding, one thing kept leading to another and basically kept my cousin in tears. Well, I always knew she was a “cryer” and in these situations, her hubby- to- be  was never too far away to sweep in, pull her close and  comfort her.  He would rub her back and whisper in her ears and before you  knew it, the tears had stopped.  The first time I saw this, I felt time had stood still and I had this weird feeling in my heart… thats when i realized… I was jealous! Not jealous of her or her man, but jealous of the fact that she could…well…cry! Because it seems this whole drying business carries a lot of rewards!

Fake Tears - 2,000 views

So when I got home from the wedding and gisted the husband all of this, i asked him a point blank question.

Me: Babes, If we were out and the waiter brought me the wrong dish and I starred crying. What would you do?
Hubster: Why would you cry over the wrong food?
Me: Ok, ok, not food, like shoes or anything. What would you do If I started crying about something?
Hubster: I would wipe my eyes because I would obviously be dreaming. You never cry
Me: I never cry?
Hubster: Babes, you never cry. You’re too strong!

cry baby cry

Me: You really think I am too strong?
Hubster: Yes. I know there is very little out there that would make you cry. You’re a lioness, if some guy messed with you, you would rip him up.
Me: Babe, I want to cry and have you beg me to stop. I want you to wipe my tears, put my head to your chest, whisper stuff in my ear and kiss my tears away
Hubster:*sigh* well, unfortunately, I don’t think thats ever going to happen.
Me: Why?
Hubster: Well, for all that to happen you have to be able to cry first right?

….and with that the conversation was over.

Either way, tears or no tears, my goal is to be softer this year. I really need to relax and and nurture my husbands innate desire to protect and serve me. That means allowing him to do things like opening doors, lifting heavy boxes (whispers: *that I can carry myself but I won’t tell him that* ), giving me his coat to wear etc. I need to build up this fire so it may not grow cold and so my son my grow up seeing how real men treat women. Eishhhh! I can do this by God’s grace!

…Musings from atop the potter’s wheel...


Anonymous said...

That's my goal too! Soon to be married and my fiance sometimes tells me that I need to be more feminine. Being a high pressure work environment makes us lose our feminity so we don't appear weak before our male colleagues, but we need to consciously let down our guard to our husbands and make them feel man enough to protect us .
Thank you for sharing this.

Jemima said...

umm this is indeed food for thought, i am not a cryer either, you might be right o!

In the midst of her said...

Anony: I hear you. We women have in high profile jobs have to keep that strong front out of necessity but we need to Leave that at the door when we get home.

Jemima: thanks! I want to melt like butter! Come join me. Lol

Anonymous said...

I was a hard babe oh. when I was about to get married, my mum and her sisters called me and warned me to stop being macho, changing bulb and shoveling snow and all that independent woman thing to at least give my hubby opportunity to shine. Did I listen? No. Until I spent a weekend with my in-laws. My FIL who is 72 was chopping onions @ 8pm on Friday for MIL to cook the following day cos it makes her cry. He said if there is no one in the house to help he makes sure he does so and keeps it in the fridge for her. What???!!! And he has been doing it for 35 years now. Oh boy I changed to "helpless babe" and it has been bliss to say the least. Hubby told me the other that that he loves being "My Go-Guy". hehehehehe. in the midst of her carry on, its makes them feel useful and wanted.

In the midst of her said...

Anony #2: Hmmm, wise words!!! I truly believe that the more macho we are the less macho they are inclined to be. I don tire jare, hubster oya dey man go!


This was so funny but you're so right ma. While your hubby understands, your son will learn more from your marriage than he would from others outside. God bless you ma.


'Lara said...

I am not a cryer and my friends tell me that I am too independent and should learn to be soft...sigh but I have gotten so used to this lifestyle that I find it difficult to allow a man do things for me.

In the midst of her said...

Sir Me Sir: Abi Ooh , It is all about creating a good foundation for the kids.

Lara: A lot of ladies feel this way. No offense to the brothers but men have not been stepping up to the plate; leaving us women to fend for ourselves. Even with that, it still doesn’t make it right. We need to let our men, who are willing to be men, step up…. even if that means giving up a piece of our independence.

Uche (@UcheAnne) said...

I really enjoyed reading this. It's my first time here and I think I'll be coming back :)

As a cryer myself (and it's not something I'm necessarily proud of) I tend to envy those women who I think are very strong (S/O to mum!). I know I need someone who's patient and who knows how to give comfort in the small ways.