Friday, February 01, 2013

Dear Inthe…Change of heart.

 Dear Inthe…

"Sitting naked by the phone..."

First of all, thanks for your words of wisdom, which are always highly appreciated over here! I hope that you'll have the time to address my question. Its about love, finding the one, Godly courtship etc. I am a 25 YO girl, living in Belgium, and coming from Congo.  I had a guy friend, let’s call him B,  who has been interested in me for the last 3 years but because of m personal baggage and past hurts, I wasn’t interested.  Now, with God’s healing and resolution of my past issues, I am ready o be with him and I actually believe he is God’s chosen for me; unfortunately, he has become MIA lately. He makes up dates but never sees them through and he calls so erratically now. We were actually supposed to have a date right before the new year but closer to the date he became MIA and never confirmed things.  And after fighting against it, I’ve come to realize it would be the best thing ever for me to be with B and because of this, all other men are just irrelevat to me leaving me completely without any suitors right now. I am crazy??


 Hey KF,

Wow! what an emotional roller coaster you’ve been on  huh? First of all, I want you to know that I hear you and I appreciate you  allowing me into your life; I know how private things of the heart can be.  I have prayed about your question and it is my heart’s desire that God speaks through me, because in myself, I am not smart enough to give you any answers. God, we invite you into this conversation.

First of all you are NOT crazy! You are a woman with a past who gave up the possibility of being with a man in order to deal with your baggage. Regardless of who ever you end up with, that man will thank you because what good could you be to anyone if you came into a relationship broken and with unresolved issues? You should be proud of yourself. Do you know how many women let their past break them down into little pieces they never recover from? but you overcame, you are a survivor! Wether you end this year single or married with a kid, my dear, rejoice and be proud of yourself.

Survivor Charm

Good, I got that out! Lol… down to business!

 So B is the one huh? God confirmed it in your heart but it seems B is coming and going and you don’t know what to do? Let’s look at it from his point of view. You are a girl he has liked for a while, years in fact, but you've never really paid him any attention. How do you think he feels? He sees you all the time, he sends signals, he jokes, he shows interest but you are not interested.

Crying Man
I think most likely he’s spent a couple of nights asking God what is going on and he might have even spent a couple of nights in tears. It must have been so hard interacting you with you all this while as a friend when he truly wants to have something more with you. To be honest, I think he’s hurt and that’s why he is acting the way he is. He wants to try but he also wants to give up because he hasn't had any reciprocation all this while… He is human. Either way, what has happened has happened… The question is what do we do now.  The answer my dear, is that you are going to “Pull a Ruth”!!!

Ruth 3 vs 1-4: One day, Ruth’s Mother-in-law Naomi said to her, “ My daughter, I must find a home for you, where you will be well provided for. Now Boaz, with whose women you have worked, is a relative of ours. Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but font let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, not the the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do."

Pulling a Ruth is a term I use to encourage single women to make themselves available to eligible men. Don’t get me wrong, I am 100% for the school of thought that men should pursue women, not the other way around…but….. I feel 100% as well that women should make themselves available to men who are worthy of them.

Let’s look at what Ruth did. She saw a man, liked the man, felt he was worthy of her and laid down at his feet. To me, the laying down was presenting herself to him as someone who was interested in being under his subjection aka his wife. 

I think the best thing for you to do now find a way to let B know that you are interested in him and then with this open assurance, give him the chance to freely chase you.


This brings up the question of how are you going to let him know you are interested? Going back to Ruth’s story, did you notice she never chased him verbally nor did she take control in the working out of the relationship. So KF, I want you  be cautious in the way you “present yourself” to him. I don’t want you to be aggressive, I don’t want you to be immodest or vulgar and more than anything I DO NOT WANT YOU TO BEG. You are a woman, he is a man… when a man and woman like each other, they KNOW. They needn’t even say a word to each other and the whole room knows they are “feeling” each other. it’s in a woman’s smile, her conversation, her being open to invitations to hang out and even her sending out invitations.  For example, if he invites you out for lunch, GO! and you can even invite him to somewhere or even to your place for a home cooked meal. If he’s open…he will know you are!

hello I love you

Last but not least… Be cautious with your heart.Time has passed and you have to reopen to the chance that he won’t accept your offer for love.It could be due to the fact that he’s in a relationship, or he’s scared or even for the fact that he’s just moved on from you. My dear, God is a God of strategy. His thoughts towards you are thoughts of good and not of evil to give you a hope and a future. If for some reason B is not interested in you, don’t let it pull you back to square one. Take what God has taught you and let it make you into a better person. 

I wish you God’s best… i am always here for moral support. Let me know how things go. 

In Christ


Oluwaseun Sodunke said...

Wow! This was an interesting read! I've never heard of "Pull a Ruth", but I like your explanations and warnings.

It's true that if a man and a woman likes each other, they know. No one has to guess it. The'chemistry' is always there.

KF, I wish you the best. In all you do, take it to God in prayer. He's there to answer your call.

Thanks for sharing! :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Inthe, I want to contact you for some sisterly advice. What's your email address please? The link on the right that says to contact you is broken. Thanks.

In the midst of her said...

Seun: where there's chemistry, you feel the heat abi? Lol.

Anony: It would be my pleasure!! I will be expecting

Olaedo said...

Great advice!
I think that 'Pulling a Ruth' also works in marriage, to reignite the fire and remind him of what was and still could be :)

Myne Whitman said...

I like your take on the bible passage with Ruth and Boaz. I hope it all works out for KF.

Anu said...

Dear Inthe
is there anyway we can get an update on KF? I'm rooting for her. i hope it worked out