Sunday, February 24, 2013

Dear Inthe..Waiting on Love

Hello Inthe, Waiting for the snow |013/365|

 Without talking too much, let me just say thanks so much for all you do and may God bless and reward you for being candid and selfless. Amen.I am a 26 year old female, turning 27 this year and I have never been in a relationship-yes, you read that right. I went out on my first date last March with a guy who stared at me like a piece of steak! In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have put on that red lipstick. Haha! I don't recall the last time a guy approached me though I have been introduced/hooked up with a few people, some I have agreed to meet in the spirit of keeping an open mind but usually there has is no connection. I've been told I'm picky but I know thats not the case. I'm not looking for anything unrealistic in a man, I'm just not ready to date for dating sake at this point, I want to be in a serious relationship with someone who is mature and sees marriage in his near future. Inthe, I won't lie, it really bothers me though thankfully, most days I'm good but once in a while I feel so terrible about it all and start questioning myself, so not good for my self-esteem. I've heard people say its not a big deal, that I'm still young, I understand that, but when you have NEVER been in a relationship after a time, you start to get tired and wonder if it will ever happen. This is affecting my prayer life seriously and it saddens me. I need some advise please (sometimes I wonder if what I need is advice or patience?).

 Lady In Waiting…

 Hey Lady,
Thank you so much for writing me. I am always grateful and humbled for the chance to engage christian women in conversation that glorifies God. Do I think I rock, have it all and got relationship matters on lock? Abs Not… More of God in this writing and less of me. Amen. So you’ve never had a boyfriend huh? Hmm, My dear its only in this warped world that that is a thing of shame. Although you may not understand now, there are thousands, no millions of girls who wish they can retrace their steps back and never have a boyfriend before their husbands. If they could go back in time, they wouldn’t be dealing with baggage such as broken hearts, unwanted pregnancies, mental and emotional abuse or even the simple issue of awakening their hearts prematurely and giving their time, love and attention to a relationship that was never meant to last. It might not be till the day you meet your husband, but mark my words, there will come a day when this same “inexperience” that is a burden on you  will become a badge of honor. For the record, I am not even only talking sexual inexperience because thats’s just the tip of the iceberg, there is so much more to lose when we carelessly through our hearts out there. You might have heard me say this before but a woman’s heart is a glass cup, the more you it around, the more fingerprints you accumulate.

Sazerac Cocktail
The point I want you to get is that there is ABSOLUTELY no reason to have needed to be in a relationship before you were ready or met the person worth it.

So you are ready for a relationship, something real, mature and with marriage in view. I like that….very much! (LOL) but unfortunately, you are not finding anyone with the same mindset. So whats a girl to do while she waits?

Eccle 3 vs 1: There is a time for everything and a season for everything under the heaven (NLT)


It’s funny that you should be asking this question now. This past friday, I called a girlfriend of mine  to set up a date for next weekend. (Ugh…I am in dire need of some “me" time and really need to leave the house without carrying a diaper bag!! but I digress…lol) While we gisting, she told me she just came back from Nigeria and Hong Kong; in 3 months she will be going back to nigeria to visit and spend some time in S.Africa. This chick is a traveler big time and if she is not in Asia, or Africa, She’s in the carribeans or Europe just visiting and living life. Well, I was green with envy because if there’s one thing I LOVE to do, its traveling. While I was yelling about how jealous I was, she smiled and said “ Inthe…it’s always greener on the other side,you wish you could travel freely, well, I wish I had a husband and child like you!” So here i am whining about how I need some adult time and here she is wanting the beautiful chaos of marriage and motherhood. What’s my point? There is a time and season for everything! There is a time to be single and enjoy your freedom and there will be a season for the sacrifice and responsibility of marriage and motherhood! You need to live each season to the fullest and to the glory of God!

Psalm 37 vs 4: Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart (NLT)

82/365+1 " patiently waiting "

Lady, God has seen it fit to have you single at this time. He is neither blind, deaf or indifferent to the fact that you desire marriage. He has heard you but while he is working behind the scenes to bring your desires into completion, you need to wait.  Wait, not begrudgingly, or with anger or even with worry in your heart but wait with joy and great expectations. To your question on what to do while you wait, I actually wrote a “While you wait” series laying out the different things a woman can do while waiting on marriage. There are about 5 posts so please check them out.

But, why do I believe you already knew all these things already ? ( LOL); your comment about “…probably needing patience more than advice…” tells me you already had the answer to your question; but sometimes, we just need to hear it again. Just from the maturity you displayed in this email, I can tell that you are a righteous, God loving and fearing young woman; God does not put beautiful things in ugly containers so I know that you are beautiful; don’t even bother questioning it anymore. Your man, your knight in shining armor is on his way, and boy, will he be proud of you! More importantly, God will be too.

Hang in there Sis….God won’t disappoint you!

…musings from atop the potter’s wheel...


Myne Whitman said...

Totally agree with your points. And the while you wait series is great!

Luci Brusetti said...

Thanks for featured one of my picture! (the first one) :)
Have a nice day!

In the midst of her said...

Myne: Thank you so much!!! *Smile*

Luci: Your art is phenomenal!

Abi Tobi said...


Olaedo said...

I love love love your advice to her :)

In the midst of her said...

Abi: and Amen!!!! Lol

Olaedo: that means a lot to me!

'Feyi said...

this might be long so forgive me for coming to write an epistle on your post.

First, thank you for stopping by my blog. I shouted when I read the June wedding, July pregnancy thing; I really don't pray for life's surprises like that. Lol.

The advice you gave this lady in one way or the other says something to me, so thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm about to read the While you wait series...

Finally, on the blog backup thing; like I said, it's not a 100% secure means as such so I'm not surprised if for someone who has a lot of posts, it didn't backup every post. I'll look again; and I hope to find a better method which I will surely tell you. In the mean time, maybe you should try it again...maybe.

Thanks again for stopping by. Cheers :)

'Lara said...

I love your advice to her...This also speak to me and yes I am one of those women who wished I could retrace my relationship steps. Cheers.

Uche (@UcheAnne) said...

Sound advice! If anyone had told me a couple of years ago to wait till I was just about ready for marriage before getting romantically involved with anyone, I'd have told them to find somewhere and sit down. Now I know better.

Going to read While You Wait series...

Adewemimo-Fajj Oluwakunmi said...

Keep doing what God called you to. You're a Blessing to your generation. Bless you.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this beautiful advice,i have gotten a truckload from this....God bless you.