Saturday, May 18, 2013

Dear Inthe…I’m Lost in Love.



Dear Inthe...

To say your blog has been a total blessing to me would be stating it lightly.

I have been in a relationship with a guy which I absolutely love and adore and I bet he does same but we have a fundamental challenge between us; our beliefs; he is Christian Science and I am of the "Pentecostal" faith.


all we do is make up, and break up, when we wake up.

We have been going back and forth on this issue for almost 6 years now.. My "partner" believes that going to our separate Churches would work if we are committed to making it work. I on the other hand am so particular about my relationship with Christ and want to grow more in the knowledge of God. We don't even seem to have a spiritual life together ( we end up fighting most times when we bring Bible stories up) and his views are oh so different from mine!. I know I really shouldn't be in this relationship. I have talked to people, had personal revelations but for some reason I haven't really been able to walk even when I know in my heart that is the best thing to do.


 I am stuck down with so much fear.. He is the only one I have ever dated.. Shared my life and dreams with.. He is like the centre of my world. A whole lot of questions keep running through my mind- Will I find someone as good as he is? How do I cope with starting anew? I am deeply hurt inside.

What to do?
Lost in Love...


Dear Lost in Love, 


I am really pleased that you wrote. Sometimes we just need someone to listen to us and help… thats exactly what I am here for.

To be honest, when I read your email, I was like Church of Science…what it that? Not that I hadn’t heard of it but I didn’t know the details of their beliefs. Some things, I just block from my heart and “churches” like your Bf’s are one of them. After reading up on it, I see why you are uncomfortable. Any Christian who loves Jesus Christ would and should be uncomfortable. So here are some things I’ve learned about Christian Science...

1-Jesus is not the son of God
2-Heaven and Hell are a state of mind and do not exist 
3- Sin is non existent

I could have studied on but that was enough for me.

Surprised?

Before I begin, let me say this...Sis, please understand I do not write a single word to hurt you,  judge you or make you feel less than the Child of God you are. Who am I sef? I have my flaws and have to work out my salvation everyday. My words may seem strong because as a sister in Christ, I care about you. Why bother responding to your email if I say anything less than what the word of God says… 

2 Corinth 6 vs 14: Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers…

First of all, I truly acknowledge your feelings for your boyfriend and I honestly believe you are in love. For you to be in love with him, he must have wonderful qualities that endear him to you; unfortunately as children of God, those qualities are not enough. The word of God states light and darkness can not co-exist. You and your boyfriend are on two completely different teams and subsequently, serving two different masters. 

We have been going back and forth on this issue for almost 6 years now.. My "partner" beliefs that going to our separate Churches would work if we are committed to making it work.

Choices..

It’s quite easy to say this now but if bible stories already bring up fights, what do you think will happen when it comes to bigger issues. How can you tell your daughter about Christ being the son of God and part of the trinity when your husband says different?  You are entrusted with children to raise them in the way of God; how can you effectively do this when you and your husband can’t even agree on what the way is? How will you feel if your children decide to go the way of your husband’s faith? Could you actually watch them live out their lives that way?  The husband is the head of the household, can you submit and OBEY him in all regards?

I know I really shouldn't be in this relationship. I have talked to people, had personal revelations but for some reason I haven't really been able to literally pack my bag(s) and walk even when I know in my heart that is the best thing to do.. It is (seems) so hard.

Sister Chat

I believe you knew the answer before you even sent me this question; you probably needed to voice out your thoughts. My dear, God is calling out to you. He wants you to put him above all. His spirit keeps beckoning you to return to your first love.  Can you see he has never left you? You’ve been with your man for 6 years yet God keeps reaching out to you, waiting for you to reach back to  him.

Matt 13 vs 15: For the hearts of these people have hardened and their ears can not hear and they have closed their eyes…and their hearts can not understand and they can not turn to me…

See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil

Every day you spend in this relationship puts you at risk for being weakened spiritually.  The  spirit has been beckoning you for six years, yet you still find yourself in this relationship.  I don’t think I need to elaborate any further.

I am stuck down with so much fear.. He is the only one I have ever dated.. Shared my life and dreams with.. He is like the centre of my world. A whole lot of questions keep running through my mind- Will I find someone as good as he is? How do I cope with starting anew? I am deeply hurt inside.

The  most hurtful part of your situation is that the enemy has told you so many lies that you seem tempted to believe; especially lies about your future. For example, how you won’t find a man better than the one you have now. If a man who is not a born again Christian ( let’s face the truth..) is this “good” to you, how much better will a man God himself created with you in mind.

trust its a small word with a big meaning

Malachi 3 vs 10: …"Test me in this" says the Lord God almighty "and see if I don’t throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing thats there won’t be room enough to store it”.

Sis, I want you to step out and DARE GOD!! Dare him! Dare him to prove to be the faithful God you know he is. Dare him to fashion and rework your story to be better than before. Dare him!  Dont let the enemy lie to you about what God  is capable of and what he can do in and for you.  You think what you have now, something God is not it, is the best for your life? You think this is the plans God has for you ? The best he can do? I promise you that’s not true. Test and see that the Lord is good…he’s waiting for you.

…Musings from atop the potter’s wheel...

3 comments:

Uche (@UcheAnne) said...

Hi there.

From your message, it's clear that you already know what to do. I'll just add my own to what InThe has said. (She hit it on the head, as usual.)

What I think I have to offer is personal experience; the fact that I can relate. I recently (well, not so recently; almost a year ago) ended a relationship with someone I considered (and still do) a great guy. He was my first boyfriend (we started when I was about 18), and he became my best friend. We were together over six years. He was very supportive, very good to me, radical in all the ways that I like, and a good Christian. In some ways he helped me to be closer to God.

But when it was coming to the time to decide on more permanent things (re spending our lives together), there was just this sense of unease inside me. (It didn't help that my family wasn't supportive of the relationship, for what I know are weak reasons.) But I stuck with it for over two years after this unease started because I knew, regardless of what anyone thought, that he was a great guy. Those were really dark days for me, being torn between wanting to stay and not being able to commit fully because I didn't have the conviction; didn't feel like I had a good reason to leave. And there was the fear. Believe me when I say I know what you are going through. The fear of where will I ever find a guy as good as him. Then when you think of all the horror relationship stories you hear every day, you want to cling even tighter.

I'm typing a whole post here, so let me just round up. I eventually had to end it, because I realized I wasn't giving my best in the relationship. I believed he deserved better, and that two years was a long time to stay uncertain. (The fact that I stayed so long is testament to how badly I wanted it to work and how strong my fear was.) So it ended and I won't lie and say it wasn't hard. The first time I ended it, I called back the next day and said please take me back. When it ended for good I cried and I mourned, and cried some more when he started dating someone else recently. But I think I'm now coming to see why it had to end, and what God wanted (wants) to do in/with me; to (among other things) bring me to a point where my strength and worth comes from Him, and not from any man, regardless of how wonderful he is.

So you know what you have to do. But one thing you should try and remember is how much God loves you. Remember that his plans for you are GOOD. Read and listen to messages about God's unfailing, unconditional love, and as you come to a greater revelation of His love, it will remove this fear from you, and it will free you. May God's peace be with you. *Big hug*

'Lara said...

I am not a Christian but then I don't think I would be comfortable in such a relationship is I was the one in your...May God guide you.

E' said...

Well put Inthe...
The more you wait sweerie the harder it is to leave.
I have a leaving you will still leave either ways... Sooner or later. As a single or married. My two kobo is leave sooner and single
God has given Grace already. Amen
E'