Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A Cheating Heart

Provs 4:23 (NIV):  Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. 

As I write this, I’m trembling. A bit dramatic huh? Yeah I know. I am afraid of many things, roller coasters, snakes, a life without traveling *grin*, not making heaven etc but above all things on this earth, I fear infidelity, not on the hubster’s part but on my own; more specifically, I am more scared of the desire/temptation to cheat than actual physically cheating.

Two Timer!!!

I know I will never cheat on the hubster. Not because he’s da bomb (which he but because I fear God; it’s that simple! but whenever I get a big head because I’m “too good to cheat”; I have to remember that cheating doesn’t only mean getting buck naked and wild with another man because I could be emotionally unfaithful as well. Have you ever seen a guy and girl so close, you would bet money they must be dating? Even though both swear they are just friends.  Think about it, what exactly about them makes them look like they are a couple? Emotions, Chemistry, Body language? Well how would you like your man having the same “Emotions, Chemistry and Body language” with another woman? Yeah, I thought so...

Psalm 51 vs 10 (NIV): Create in me a clean heart, O God…

Growing up, my best friend was a guy.  I told him everything, even my deepest darkest secrets and I loved him something crazy. He’s still in my life now but when I married the hubster, he had to demoted  from "best friend" to "good friend.” I chatted with him this morning and we gisted about music and how he saved me from hard metal music and introduced me to R&B (Yup, you’re girl was a metal/hard rock chick as a teen). The whole time we were chatting, I kept myself in check by asking myself questions; “ Hmm, Inthe… would you be comfortable with hubster reading this? Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want to hubster to find out

I give you my heart..

The whole chatting session lasted like ten minutes. Over fourteen years we had gone from talking for 6-7 hrs straight, staying up at night watching movies to a quick chat for 10-20 mins every now and then and calls on birthdays and holidays. He’s my boy but I have to keep our relationship in check so that out friendship doesn’t encroach on my husband’s territory: My heart. Don’t get me wrong, I could never physically cheat with him but our friendship; as TIGHT as we’ve been, it would be so easy to be emotionally unfaithful with him. To give him thin slices of my heart while lying to myself that the hubster still had the whole thing.

Mark 9 vs 47 (NIV): "And if you eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out…"

How can you prevent emotional unfaithfulness? The first step is to know your weakness! Do you know your personal weakness? Are you fond of guys with certain types of builds, eyes, size, accents? What about you guys? Is it a girl’s curves? Butt? Breast?  For some guys it’s the “damsel in distress” act that tugs on their heart while some girls like "bad boys”. The hubster and I know each other’s weaknesses in regards to the opposite sex and it keeps us accountable to each other. For example, if my weakness is bus conductors, and the hubster knows, well, the day I start befriending a bus conductor and spending increasing amounts of time with him, the hubster  will caution  me and bring me back to my senses. If the hubster likes girls with no teeth in their mouth, if he starts staring at a toothless woman, I can be like “Homeboy, are you staring at her gums?” ( What a useless example…lol). It takes a level of maturity; if you start flipping out when your man tells you his weakness or you start acting a fool when you see your man even talk to a woman who has what his weakness is..hmm, you’re man won’t tell you his secrets anymore!

[238/365] Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body.

Emotions are like dynamite; mishandle them and they can destroy everything you have. You may not physically cheat, but you could be the most emotionally unfaithful person on this earth.  If your heart is drawing you to someone else, you find yourself confiding inappropriately with them by sharing intimate details; things you can’t tell your partner; sorry to tell you, you’re well on your way downwards. Could you let your partner read your text messages, hold your phone, check your the emails you send/receive from your friends? No? Why? Cuz they’ll misunderstand? Ugggh, sorry, you’re also on your way downwards.  Knowing your weakness is protecting yourself , protecting your heart, your man’s heart and ultimately protecting your marriage.

…musings from atop the potter’s wheel.


1 + The One said...

Hmmm.. I've been thinking about this very much recently and praying to God for grace to be wise! And also to be disciplined.

I have been that very 'immature' girlfriend who unwisely uses information given by my boyfriend in a moment of trust, to start acting up and being suspicious *sigh*.. I regret that and I am praying with all my heart not to fall into that pit again..

God bless you INMoH, your posts are always a blessing xx

Anonymous said...

Lol @ 'are you staring at her gums'

I agree with you on this post, emotionally cheating is very real! It doesn't have to get to the physical side before it is termed cheating. No one should take a spouse's place and it also includes having an EXTREME emotional tie with like siblings, parents, close female friends etc above one's spouse.

Anonymous said...

I just got blessed. My views exactly. Its frustrating trying to get a person to understand that infidelity doesn't start and end with sex. The looks, touch, preference etc says a whole lot to the 3rd party.

Eziaha said...

We really have a connection. Had this convo with a friend just now. Got home, refreshed your blog and saw this.
On point... Majorly on point...

Uche Okonkwo said...

A toothless fetish, lol.

This is all very true. I'm not the easily distracted type, but I've recently done things that I never thought I would, so more and more I'm coming to a place where I'm learning to depend on God's grace. And yeah, this is something I plan on working toward in my next relationship, cos in some ways it's easier to cheat emotionally and comfort oneself by saying, well I haven't done anything.

In the midst of her said...

1 Plus: it is a very delicate situation, we need to learn our men’s flaws but in order to help not use it against them. It is easier said than done and takes a LOT of grace.

Anony #1: Useless example abi? Don’t mind me jare! Hmm, you took it a level deeper with the “siblings and parent’s thing”. its def an area I struggle with cuz I am SUPER close to my family.

Anony #2 : Amen! and thanks for the blog love. Grace is much much needed for this whole marriage thing!

Nne: You and me baby!!!

Uche: and God will def grant you that grace! * Hugs*

olamsy said...

This is a master piece. writing out of my head is what i think you did here.

In the midst of her said...

Olamsy: Thank you!

Blessing said...

6 to 7 kids, wow! That's rare in this day and age but I'd say GO for it!...with Oga's permission of course, lol

Lol with the nollywood movies, I feel u...I'm pretty much done with all of em' unless u can recommend any?

U said h*"" no when u met ur hubby? Hmmm I can relate...hehe

Nice reading from u as always!