Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Not what it seems….Marriage 101.

Disclaimer: This is a “Me” post.  No scripture…just me being real.

“Inthe…you make marriage look so easy.” “ Inthe…I can’t wait to have a marriage like yours.” “ Inthe…your blog makes me want to get married ASAP!”.

Day 44: "The Look Out"

These are comments I’ve received in response to my posts and they do make me happy. I strive for a good marriage and its the icing on the cake when people compliment you on the joy in your home. I am truly blessed to have the hubster in my life. He is the love of my life and my biggest cheerleader; an excellent husband and a phenomenal father but not everyday is a parade because no marriage is perfect. I don’t know about you but I have an innate distrust of people who make their marriage seem like one fluffly cloud they are riding into eternity.  Love is sweet, sex is fun but marriage is HARD work; I have never had to constantly work and put effort into anything as much as I have had to with my marriage. I am a submissive wife, no questions asked but its always easy to be submissive when things are going your way.  The days when things aren't going my way, I have to confess, I am not that enthused about being married. There are marriages and then there are Christian marriages, two completely different ball games, two different levels of responsibility. I won’t lie,  there are days I’m tired of all it. Days I feel like I’m at battle not necessarily with the hubster, just mostly with myself.

  118/365

Let me give a good example of my marriage from my recent trip to Europe…
I consider myself a "chillaxed" to the max person. I am comfortable anywhere and in most situations. I'm the girl who can strike up a conversation with anybody. In all my travels, I have  always found it difficult to go back home. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, peeps and family, but when I'm on a plane, I'm truly home. Switzerland was gorgeous!! The people were nice, the food delicious ( I gained 7lbs on this trip) but in  all my travels, I had never had  such a horrid time as I did in Germany.

Waiting Lover


 There were about a grand total of 4 black people where we stayed and the people stared/ran from/ignored me everywhere I went. I went into a restaurant and while waiting for my food, I tried catching the eyes of a young lady next to me in order to smile and maybe strike up a conversation. Omo, you should have seen the way our eyes where playing cat and mouse. As my eyes were chasing hers, her eyes kept on dodging, somersaulting and running into the back of her head just to avoid my eyes. After about 4 days, I was done. I wasn't having fun and for the first time EVER I told the hubster I was ready to leave a country. Hubster told me to chill, that our hotel was in a rich white neighborhood and they weren’t use to "us".  He begged, pleaded and although I said " Ok", in my head I was done. On our check out day, I was up early, showered and dressed, ready to leave this madness and return to more “civilized" waters.

So how is this like my marriage?

24/365 nurture your soul
Just like Switzerland, England, Grand Cayman and every other country that has welcomed me, there are days when my marriage is bliss. Raw, unaldulterated, bliss and I could stay in this space forever. On the other hand, just like Germany, there are days where I'm like ready to jump ship. I honestly have days where my flesh wants to pick up and run even though I know next to the hubster is where I belong.  I guess my point is that marriage is like a baby; to make it grow, you have to attend to its every need. There are no quick schemes or 3 step programs that can give you a marriage of bliss! It requires things  like nights on your knees, swallowing your emotions, resisting your flesh and even saying sorry when you aren’t the person at fault! The happiness of my marriage is not something I stumbled onto I wake up each day with my eyes on God and determined to fight for what I have. So you want something like my marriage? No, I pray for you something even better, but be prepared to work for it.


…musings from atop the potter’s wheel

10 comments:

Christiana said...

Absolutely love and agree with this post. So genuine and so true. All you can do is pray and wake up each day determined to make your marriage better. After all is said and done a good marriage is constant work but it pays off.

Thanks for sharing this honest truth.

Anonymous said...

This chick, you are just too real. Love your blog!

In the midst of her said...

Chris: I completely agree Mama!

Anonymous: Thank you soo much!!!!

Anosime said...

You are on point, Sis. Marriage, like life involves hard work. I am not married yet, I hope to someday,but I know it also involves adequate personal preps.

Eziaha said...

It is very important you did this...
I can't stress how impt this is...
Cos I can imagine ur blog fans may hv been misinformed...
Good tin u cleared it out.
Work dey ds tin ooo. Lie no good. And I know d work is reduced wella with the right person and the holy spirit.
Respect darling. Maximum respect...
The same tin with testimonies... Ppl share d good. And I don't blame em...not enuff time. But I wish we cld let em tell us what led to it and the work they had to put in too b4 we start 'claiming it'
No wonder the bible says 'wisdom is profitable to Direct...'
For me, that phrase just about answers any questions we may still have in life that we tink r not in the bible...
Now that my comment is longer than ur blogpost, I will now say
Toodles hun
E'

Akibo tommie said...

I agree with this, and people also have to understand that there are good and bad sides.

Thanks for doing this.

1 + The One said...

Thanks a lot for sharing these nuggets (mountains) of wisdom... It's good for me to start to prepare my mind so my view of marriage isn't jaded and I don''t have unrealistic expectations of marriage and my husband xxxx

Ginger said...

True words In the Midst. There's nothing like a perfect marriage. Even the best matched partners have to work at rooting out those itty bitty selfishness, pride, habit, envy and it isnt easy biko.

Still, it is great to have live examples like you to encourage others that it is possible.

Priscy said...

always refreshing to read from you. thanks for this post. Blessings...

Wemmie said...

Great.