Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Dear Inthe…Is this my second chance?

Dear Inthe...
One thing I like about you is that you tell the truth. It might not be sweet to the ears but you tell it like it is.  I need your help. I am a divorced mom of twin boys. Once upon a time, I knew a guy who liked me and I liked as well. One night during dinner, he made a comment about my boys and I blew up! After relaxing, coming to my senses and talking it over with my mom, it turns out that I misunderstood him and he was only making a joke. Well, it was too late, we stopped dating, went our seperate ways, only texting once in a while to say "hi" or "happy holidays”.

you have to find your own way out.
Fast forward 2 years and I hear he's married; fast forward another two years and I hear he’s getting divorced for reasons I am not sure of. Co-incidently this coincides with  us becoming closer. We talk a bit more, text during the day and getting back to where we use to be. Inthe…, do you think God is giving me a second chance with this guy? Maybe, this divorce is returning to me something I once lost?
Desert Rose.

Dear Desert Rose,

I am truly grateful for the opportunity to encourage you in this matter. I don’t take any “Dear Inthe…” question lightly. By contacting me, you’ve become my sister and I will treat you as such. Ipray God gives me the right words to say to you. Desert Rose, I am sorry but this is not a second chance for you; it is nothing but a trap the devil is placing in your path and I will explain why I say this.

- - He is STILL married
Mark 10 vs 9:Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
Wedding Vows
I know you feel this might be an opportunity to reconnect with a former flame but this former flame is now and still someone’s husband. Regardless of their present situation, encouraging and/or Initiating any behavior that makes this guy break the sanctity of his vows is a sin against God.

- - Indirectly, you may be causing the pain of another woman.
Luke 6 vs 31: Do unto others as you would want done to you.
the other woman
We know this couple is heading for a divorce but do you know the wife’s thoughts on this? Do you know if she is fighting for her man and her marriage? Most women know when their men are cheating (physically or emotionally) so you may be the cause of great pain to her. It’s one thing if they were already divorced, but they are not. Put yourself in her shoes for a second,  would you appreciate it? I didn’t think so.

- - If he could leave her, he could leave you.
Galatian 6 vs 7: A man reaps what he sows.
what goes around, comes around
So, they’re getting divorced after only two years of marriage. While I won't pretend to know what their reasonings are, I truly believe no situation is beyond the restoration of God; IF the couple is willing to work. He’s already getting “ closer” to you and the ease at which he is able to jump ship from his marriage bothers me. My mom says “Egba ti won fi no iyale n duro de iyawo” (The cane used on the first wife is at home waiting for the new wife)  what makes you think it will be any different when you guys run into conflict; and trust me conflict will come.

- - You are the Other woman
Luke 17 vs 1: There will always be temptations to sin but what sorrows await the person who does the tempting.
Day 132: "Blindfold"
Is this how you would like to see yourself ? A distraction, a dirty little secret hidden from the world, a blindfold preventing him from seeing the reality of his situation? You might even be stealing from him the desire to even try and fight for this marriage. How? Well, whatever he is not getting from her, he’ll be tempted to get from you and since men are all “senses”, he might not feel the void this divorce is creating. If she is a praying woman, you are in trouble because she is STILL his wife, therefore God is on her side. The bible does make room for divorce for  reasons of sexual infidelity but if this marriage is destined to end, let it end on its own accord and not because of you.

- - It could be a trap, how do u know his words are true?
Psalm 120 vs 2: Lord, deliver me  from lying lips and a deceitful tongue.
Forked tongue
* The hubster actually brought this point to my attention, I wasn’t even thinking of it.

Besides this guy’s word, do you have any other proof that he is getting a divorce? It is very common to hear of situations where guys lie to females that they are separated or in the process of getting  divorce just to get into their pants and hearts. These lies are all part of a ploy to make the lady lower her defenses.

Either way you look at it, this is not a situation a child of God should be in. I know there are emotions involved but the sooner you tame your heart, the easier it will be to look at this situation objectively and realize God is not in this. I would advise you to distance yourself from this guy while he is in this situation. If it is marriage you seek, never give up on God, wait your turn and he will fulfill the desires of your heart. More importantly NEVER compromise your standards. May God grant you peace, strength and clarity of mind.

You know where to find me...

…Musings from atop the potter’s wheel.


Anonymous said...

God bless you Inthe... God has blessed you!

Akibo tommie said...

Sigh. This can be hard and i don't really have anything to say about this, but the points made(although painful truths) is really valid.

Only if the writer shed a lil more light into the situation.

1 + The One said...

God bless you Inthe.. Your response as always is very wise, direct and the truth..
Desert Rose, God has a plan for you, please don't let an emotional decision rob you of God's best. It may seem like 'this is it' but anything that is not of God or not in accordance with God's word can never be it.. May God give you the grace to make the right decision. xx

E' said...

Truth is I don't even have anything to add
You said all there is to say nne.
If only our dear friend and sister will listen.
All I pray is that she recieves the Grace to do what is right.
With you in prayers sis
And inthe welcome back....
E' definitely missed you...
Disappear again and I will blow your cover by putting your pix and real name online for all to see...
Don't dare me ooo

In the midst of her said...

Anony: Thank you! You are blessed too in Jesus name!

Tomi: May I be so bold as to say you seem to be holding your true thoughts back? What else would you like to know?

1Plus: Amen and you too. Sometimes…most times its a bit easier to be a hearer than a doer.

E: Thank you for the welcome and the threats ( empty threats no fit shakara me..lol)

Anonymous said...

I agree with you and like your insight.

Sorry, just a question here as I didn't really get something you wrote. If the guy was divorced and then came back to her, would this have been ok?

Just wondering as way too many people (Christians included) are getting divorced and then remarrying again, some sight infidelity on their previous partner as biblical grounds, but is this really acceptable? To remarry again that is?


In the midst of her said...

Anony 2: Thanks for coming by!! and you’ve brought a great question. The bible says: (Matthew 5:32)

"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."

This suggests that the only biblical excuse for divorce is for unfaithfulness but as for me, to people who are so ready to jump on the divorce bandwagon, I ask, where is your God? If both of you are christians, you have an EXCELLENT fighting chance to getting right where you need to be. Marriage is not all about sex, rainbows and glitter, it is also about sweat and fighting dirty ( against the devil ) to keep what you have.

Tessa Doghor said...

Hi dearie
Much as I want this to be the man that God is sending you.

I don't believe that He is.
Here's why
God's character
God is a good God
He is good to you and He will never send you another woman's husband to be your gift.
Pray to God and yield to His word
God always knows what is best for us
because He sees tomorrow

I believe in seed sowing but much more I believe that God checks your heart.
Send the man away not because he's a snake but because you want to please God

God says none will lack their mate so trust that God is sending you the right man. Trust Him