Saturday, October 12, 2013

Dear Inthe…What do I need to find her?

This week I got a Dear Inthe from a male reader; enjoy!!

Dear Inthe

If I have a certain persona that fits the bill of a godly person and people can identify with it, how do I separate someone that is interested in the 'idea of me' and someone who really is about me? I mean how do I choose aright? I know what I'm looking for and in looking for depth in God that is true and intentional. Am I being arrogant? Inconsiderate? I'm not looking for someone with the same spiritual depth but I am looking for someone who has a complimentary thirst /hunger.  

I'm Still Searching

When [girls] meet me and know me a bit, they are interested cos the big vices are not there and they see some reflection of God in me. When I don't pick up on their cues, it seems I'm mean but we get over it and we talk and resolve it. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm being too picky or am I being too prideful. I would love God to speak to me about the woman he has for me.* 

Watching and Waiting...

*Edited for privacy and Brevity.

Hey WaW,

So basically, you are asking how to know when you are wanted for you or for who they think you are. First of all,shout outs for being a man of God. You are so rare and when I see one, I just have to give them props. Ask a Christian girl, there is nothing more appealing, more stabilizing or more encouraging than a good christian man.

You said: "If I have a certain persona that fits the bill of a godly person and people can identify with it, how do I separate someone that is interested in the 'idea of me' and someone who really is about me?

Provs 31:10: Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.
Beautiful woman wearing a wreath

You are looking for a wife right? Like, you want to be in love with a woman of God, forever in love and forever doing his will right? You want a woman who will be your helpmeet, who will be a mother, friend and lover, who will cater and nourish your soul till you continue part 2 in heaven right? Well, sorry bro, there's absolutely no way you can find her or know it's least, not on your own!!

Psalm 55 vs 22: Cast your burden upon the Lord and he will sustain you

Atlas Man, NYC

Do you know what I saw in your letter? A lot of "I's". "Should I.... How do I... Will I... I'm looking". I am going to be real, really  real with you. You need to Stop. Breathe. Trust. You are not being arrogant or inconsiderate but you are putting way too much trust in yourself. You seem to think if you check the right boxes and take the right precautions, you'll end up finding her but in all this, all you've ended carrying a burden you have no business carrying. You've put too much stock in your strength, not realizing you can do NOTHING  without him. You are wondering should she be my spiritual mate, If I do "X" will it cause "Y". Omo, fiyen le... let that go! Eru eleru l'on gbe yen ( Hope you understand So does this mean you just have to chill and your future wifey will drop into your lap? No!  You do have a role to play in making this happen...

Provs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him,and he will make your paths straight.

Walking into Obscurity (Explored 28th April 2011)

Waw, your role is to trust in God. It might be hard to your flesh but it is what your spirit needs.  You need to trust that he's got your back and will set your path straight, he will let you be where you need to be at the exact time you need to be there. You need to relieve yourself of the high expectations you've set that you will be able to "recognize" her when you find her. I've said this a million time son my blog and I will say it again...When I met the hubster, I was more than hesitant about being with him. I did not want to see him, let alone talk to him, let alone marry him, but did you know what I did? The same thing you will have to do when you find someone who catches your eye...SEEK THE LORD'S FACE.

JOB 5 VS 8: But as for me, I would seek God and to God I would commit my cause.
Trust God
I sought the Lord's face! I asked God what should I do. Here was a strong man of God asking to be in a relationship that I didn't want to be in. Although your situation is different, the answer is still the same. If you see a girl you like, seek the Lord's face, present her before him and ask if she is the one. You need to do this before you go stirring up any emotions in the girl. Have your answer from God before you even toast her and once you get the answer, either step forward, or step backwards.

Provs 8 vs 17: I love those that love me and those that seek me early shall find me.

the future is bright
Trust WaW, trust that if you put your love life in God's hands, he will give you the delight on your heart. Don't let the devil make you feel that you have to do this own your own. 


...Musings from atop the potter’s wheel.


Eniola Prentice said...

your advice is spot on. Trusting God is one of the hardest thing we have to do as believers. and trust me its never easy. if you let go it will happen naturally

In the midst of her said...

Hey Eniola, thanks for commenting. Yes it is the hardest but also the most rewarding decision.

Tamie said...

I always love your responses to mails. Why? You support your replies with scripture. You are tres much. *plenty hugs*

Tamie said...

I always love your responses to mails. Why? You support your replies with scripture. You are tres much. *plenty hugs*

Salt said...

I came here to calm my mind. In a foreign place. NO luggage. No network. No clue what I shall wear tomorrow. Thankfully I have my laptop so I logged on to take the edge off. Hoping my mgm will see my mail...Anyway back to this one of a kind guy.....Please, God is just a whispered prayer away. If you are ready to marry. As in you fully understand what being a husband after God's own heart means, all you need do, I feel, is tell God you are ready and ask him to open your eyes to see and find the good wife he has kept for you.

It's really as simple as that. The things of God are simple and hard like that. God sees your heart. If he sees that truly you are ready....he will not keep any good thing from you......THEN again, you must be sure you are ready for God's answer cos sometimes, many times actually, God's answer for us does not look like the one we had 'pre-arranged' in our heads.......

In the midst of her....I have missed coming here.....

Okeoghene said...

Tamie took the words out of my fingers. I love the way you respond to these your Inthe mails.

Anonymous said...

Hey inthe... how can we send a dear inthe... question or email?

In the midst of her said...

Tamie: Thank you so much and * Hugs* right back girl!

Salt: Wise words from a wise woman. Thanks sis!

Okeoghene: Awwww! Thank you.

Anony: Please send your emails to I answer EVERY one!

1 + The One said...

I just love you too much! (hug, kiss!).. If I were a man mehn, hubster should better watch his back oh hehehe!
I was nodding at different parts of your post and even though it's addressed to a man, it was message for me! (Mehn, I better check my oestrogen levels lol)
I agree with you, Christian girls appreciate Christian guys.. I can testify! xxxx

Anosime said...

Dear Inthe, this is my own mail and err...all I want to ask is how long do you take to search for your photos. Always so on point. LOL
Dear WAW, forget the I's in this case the I's dont have it, its the Him(God) that has it. He is the master arranger, the official burden carrier since man was formed. All you need to do is Trust, walk and obey Him. e no easy o but e sure die. God bless you.
Dear Inthe, as I was typing this I was perceiving efo riro. Abi did/are you make(ing) some?

Abi Tobi said...

hmm.. I don't even know what to say.. it is not so easy, but I pray God helps us to be patient and to listen and not to dismiss everyone

Marriage bythebook said...

Amazing post dear.
Love it.
Dear WaW, may I also add that you focus more on friendship. It is the 'I qant to marry' that puts us under pressure. Can we just be friends without the pressure and then we know if we wanna take friendship into courtship and then marriage.

Feyi said...

Dear inthe,ur reply to Waw's question was spot on, God bless u cos it obvious it was inspired.
Nd to Waw,like earlier said,u re carryn 2much weight u ve no buiz carryn..Just a single heartfelt prayer of help 2 God ll do(Yep! Its dat simple),den put ur full trust in Him...nd wyl waiting for "Her",get busy with God(U can never ve too much of Him) nd rmemba-"seek ye 1st the kingdom of God and everyoda thing wld be added unto You"..Nd try as much as U re capable 2 brg smiles to people's faces,dats one of d most satisfying things in life.....dazzal(LOL)...cheers!!!

Anonymous said...

Dear inthemidst... great reply to WaW, but I'd also add that for himto get answers from God, in my own case was inner peace, it wasn't even love, I just resolved peacefully that He was the one for me, after which further knowing about the person began.

Ralph Bamigboye said...

#Hmm,all said well. You got my line "seek the face of the lord even before you toast her". Don't toast her and then now start prayer.

Another thing, don't be carried away by the perfection between you 2 (if you already have a girlfriend). You love the same food, you are from the same tribe and the rest. All that doesn't matter of God as not chosen her or has not led you to her.

And lastly! Don't be so sink in love that will sex happen. This has almost happened to me like 3 in my life but i thank God i didn't give in to my emotions. "Emotions are good if we channel them rightly"

"Inthemidstofher" You've said it all... #SeekGodBeforeSeekingHer