We’ve seen it in movies; the angry woman raising her voice decibels beyond what’s medically sound and the henpecked guy staring into the wall. After taking as much as he possibly can, he grabs a jacket and walks out the door. You may have seen it in movies, but I’ve actually lived it. See, I grew up a man eater and from a young age took pride in castrating any guy stupid enough to cross me. Till date, one of my worst regrets is how I treated the hubster during fights early on in our relationship because when we fought, the louder I got, the quieter his voice ( physically and emotionally) became. Things could get really ugly after an incident and even though I was remorseful in the aftermath, it could take days for him to recover from the damage each fight brought. Well, praise God it’s been years now and things have gotten crazily better (Right babe?..lol) but this “better” started with God's grace and me accepting correction.
Ladies, I hope you’re ready for some correction tonight…Let’s do this!
Truth: The louder you raise your voice, the less we hear you.
For those who don’t know, I actually poll the legit christian men in my life for these "His perspective” polls so when this issue came up, I knew I had to post it.
Provs 21 vs 19: It is better to live in the wilderness than with an angry woman
Ladies, let’s admit it; most of us have an issue with our tongue. We take pride in saying we would never raise our hands to our men but we fall short when it comes to “raising" our tongues.
When we get into a fight with our men, it becomes a “no holds barred” especially if we feel we’ve been wronged. We let our anger or hurt turn our mouths into weapons we wield against the ones we proclaim to love. Men shouldn’t have to deal with a hostile society and then come back home World War three. There is nothing more painful or more emasculating to a man than harsh words coming from the ones they love. Why? because you know their nakedness, their personal flaws, things they hide in the closest and in 9 times out of 10, those are the very things we use against them.
Ok wait, I hear you out there. Right now, someone is saying. “That’s not me! I have great control over my anger and would never use it as an excuse to hurt my man.” Ok, fair enough but let me ask you, do you have as much control of your tears as you do over your tongue? While I was polling men, I learned something new; something I hadn’t thought about because I’ve never had this issue. Ladies, guess what? It's not only our sharp tongues men want us to work with but also our weepy eyes.
You know that girl who cries over everything? Do you remember how you cringe every time her eyes well up with tears? Well imagine being married to her. Every issue is a fresh opportunity to use your tears as a heavy artillery; an ace up your sleeve with which you manipulate him. When things don’t go your way, you open the tear factory, sobbing hard enough to wake up the neighbors. Some women manipulatively choose inappropriate times (like in the middle of the night) for maximum effect.
Ok Inthe…. so men are saying we are not allowed to be angry, nor are we allowed to cry? What’s next? Not being allowed to pee sitting down??
Wait, wait, sis….No! No one is taking the right of emotional expression from you. I guess what the guys are saying is that we should use this right with wisdom.
Proverbs 31 vs 26: She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
I’ve mentioned this a million times, there is no greater jazz than the power a woman has over the heart of the man she loves.
With love comes intimacy and intimacy brings vulnerability. Vulnerability makes a man more susceptible and influenced by the feelings of his woman. Do you know every word you speak to your man you also speak into him? With every angry word, you chip away at him, creating wounds that are not so easily forgotten. Let’s use this jazz for building rather than destroying. We need to figure out constructive ways to express our emotions; constructive ways that won’t break our men down or leave an aftermath of destruction.
The wise woman builds her home but with her own hands but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down....
…Musings from atop the potter’s wheel...