Saturday, November 23, 2013

Letting My Man…Be a Man.


It snowed today. Hard. The hubster volunteered to shovel and clear my car while I sat in the warmth of it sipping hot tea.  When I thanked him before driving off to work, he smiled and  said “ A man’s gotta do what a man’s gottta do!” To top it off, he wouldn’t go back inside till he watched me drive off, making sure I could maneuver through the snow. What a peaceful morning.  Now, a couple of years ago, it would have ended quite differently. At the mention of helping me clear my car, I would have rolled my eyes and said “ Help me? Or I should even help you clear your car? You think i can’t do it on my own or wasn’t it snowing before I met you and do you….” On and on I would have gone till the hubster apologized for even having the audacity to offer his help.


:)

1 Pet 3 vs 7: …in the same way be considerate as you live [and] treat them with respect…

Now the story I just told might seem extreme but it happens in various shades everyday. Women systematically taking over  and quelling the innate desire men have to help and lead women. Hindsight is always 20/20. Looking back, I realized that I’ve spent most of our early relationship stifling the Hubster’s manhood. Eish!  I believe real men do hard things but somehow, they’ve lost their direction and motivation to do this. I think we women have to take our fair share of blame for this because in part, men no longer do hard things because we don't need or allow them too.   Ask a guy “ Is chivalry dead?” He’ll respond “Chivalry isn’t dead, it just followed wherever being ladylike went.” That’s to say, the more  “unladylike" we’ve become, our guys have reciprocated by also being less manly.

Chivalry...is dead.

Ephesians 5: vs 25-28 ( The Message): Husbands go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church- a love marked by giving not getting…Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her…

As a helpmeet,  my job is to cultivate and encourage the seed of manhood God has placed in the hubster. I am supposed to step back and allow him to do hard things like take leadership steps and assume the responsibility he has over me. The hubster is responsible for me!!! The day I realized  this simple truth, it blew my mind.  He is actually supposed to consider me before himself. He is the guardian, protector and provider for our family but the more I wrestle with him for this position, the more I kill his motivation to live out his calling.
Love is a revolution.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not oblivious; a lot of us women have had our femininity abused and had to “step up” in order to protect our hearts.  I was so “masculine” in my actions because I did not want to be taken advantage of or feel dependent on ANY MAN! I did not need ANYBODY! Sisters, we live in a fallen world but this does not change the word of God. I now know my role as a woman and relish it!  Now, I take his jacket or  the last slice of pizza when offered. I will gladly let him drive on our long road trips. I now let him sacrifice for me because it reminds him who he is and what he has been called to do as the head of this home and believe me when I say it pleases him.  So if it snows tomorrow and the day after, I’ll let him shovel  and reward him with a hot kiss for his efforts! Lol…. Love is a revolution and I am letting it transform me.

…musings from atop the potter’s wheel...



22 comments:

Jennifer Abayowa said...

I love this >>> "I'll reward him with a hot kiss for his efforts." Abi o!!!!! Let him be the man. Lovely post :)

Yvonne Chase said...

I've never understood that mentality. I don't understand a woman getting mad at her man for helping her. He's doing what he was created to do. His help is not saying you can't do it yourself! Men can't lead unless we let them lead. I feel sorry for men today with all this feminist foolishness. I wish the feminist would all pack up their bags and go away. They've made heterosexual relationships impossible!

Great post!

thislagosgirl said...

Ouch ! Gotta check myself

Frances Okoro said...

Truly true!
When we show them they aren't needed,they align with that thought,..and hehehe at hot kiss.
Btw,pls whrz d link at to follow ur blog via email.can't find it or can u pls add me? okorofrances@gmail.com
Biko,pls,thank u

naijawife said...

I think this goes part and parcel with what I was talking about the other day after reading "The Respect Dare" - what I struggle with is trying not to baby my husband or talk to him like a child.

DarLyn said...

Hmm I totally agree with your view though it's hard work for me to remember often time but I keep catching myself and letting the man be the man. Thanks for sharing

naijawife said...

InThe - I thought i left this comment before o.
Let me try again (even though I swore I wouldn't comment on blogs anymore lol). I really liked this post. As you already know I was tweeting about the "respect dare" book that i've been reading. I've also been trying to learn how not to treat my husband like a child by smothering him with my "maternal" inclinations. E.g. "Have you brushed your teeth? Used the loo?" etc etc. Gotta let a man be a man!

1 + The One said...

Like I said on twitter, I like the way hubster looks after you.. And you're right, it takes conscious effort to allow them lead especially if you're a DIY person..
I learn a lot from you hun.. God bless you xx

Daughter of Her King said...

deep.......
thanks for sharing...

'Lara said...

The bf complain about this all the time...recently he told me to embrace my famine side and let him be the man...thanks for sharing

Kelechi Evuleocha said...

Looking back I have been SO guilty of this and then I would turn around and say they never did anything! I think we have definitely built up this wall in order to protect ourselves. The problem is that we do so much that we don't even enjoy the benefits of being a woman! ( so to speak). Wonderful, eye-opening post!

Kelechi Evuleocha said...

Looking back I have been SO guilty of this and then I would turn around and say they never did anything! I think we have definitely built up this wall in order to protect ourselves. The problem is that we do so much that we don't even enjoy the benefits of being a woman! ( so to speak). Wonderful, eye-opening post!

Anonymous said...

Yay for a personal post from you! :) As always very insightful. We wives should let our husbands lead, they do take delight in leading and looking after us. It is part of their calling as husbands :)

Eniola Prentice said...

girl you is good. i would not have occurred to me to fight. I would have allowed him as soon as he asked. I think I am an extreme even.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Inthe...as alwayS..very insightful. Just a lil question. For me, my primary love language is Acts of Service.(From the five love languages by Gary Chapman). As a result I hv the big tendency of always 'JuMping in to the rescue' always wanting to help or even takeover your work completely... Just to show my love. How can I marry this with letting my man be a man?

spiceymorsels said...

Lovely post! You nailed it!

In the midst of her said...

Jay!!: We need to encourage them right?

Yvonne: Its rampant and crazy and accepted….

Thislagosgirl: Hmm, join the club! God help us

Frances: Umh, its to the right of the screen. You know I announce my posts on twitter too.

Naijawife: Babying has a time and place but should never be a constant

Darlyn: Thank God!!

1plus: Praise God for it but it took a lot of work and grace for me to let down my guards.

Daughter of her king: Thanks girl!

Lara: it is true!! Most men want to step up but need us to let them!

Kelechi: Keep at it, God will give you the grace.

Anony: I have a sneaky feeling you were the one who posted a request for a personal post. Am I right? lol

Eniola: Good for you!

Anony: Hey!! Thanks for posting. To answer your question, you can have the gift of service and still remain in your realm of femininity. God is not a God of confusion so your gift does not mean you disrupt the natural laws of God. Serve him appropriately in a way that promotes his manhood not kills it. God will give you grace!!

Spicymorsels: Thanks for posting!!

Anonymous said...

Yes you're right! It was I who requested a personal post. Thanks a lot for acknowledging my request :) Absolutely LOOOVE your blog (Hugs)

Anonymous said...

There are two sides to "Letting a man be a man". The reason is that in my part of the world, the woman basically does all the work not because she wants to but because society has placed a burden on women to be responsible for lots of household tasks.

A friend and her husband came to visit one day and whilst they were leaving I gave her a tuber of yam since I had lots of it in the house, she was carrying something and asked her husband to assist but he did not. He asked her to carry it herself. I thought he was joking but apparently he wasn't

I have had the opportunity to talk with men who believe that the responsibility of a man is to provide for the family while the woman is to take care of the home yet the woman works and provides for the family as well.

I feel blessed to have a husband who helps in doing things around the house even though I believe he can still do more. Most of the times I chat with girlfriends who are married. The question they all ask is "How do you cope with a full time job, taking care of your baby, husband and the house?". I believe that Men need to be taking responsibilities for a lot of things regarding the house and their family.

In conclusion, there are lots of women who wants their men to be men but they find out that they have babies who like to be waited on. I would like if you write on the other part of this as well.

Thanks.
Tee

E' said...

One of the things I learnt from your blog before I got married. I bless God I learnt it on time cos bebe, I run tinz by myself ooooo. Aint got no time for no knight in shining nothing. I know a lot of people think I am sanguine only but I am more choleric sef. I can help myself and you while at it thank you very much. But in marriage, I mellow abeg. I let him be man oooo. I don't recall the post you mentioned it in but it had the picture of an open jam jar but that post is probably the biggest lesson I learnt from your blog.
I am still on the moon (with an OD of honey might I add) and I see the joy it gives Aku m to be let to do the things I would EASILY do.
So again nne thanks for teaching me that one HUGE lesson and early enough.
Your blog and by extension, your marriage ranks right up there as model Christian marriages with my Rev Albert Femi Oduwole's and Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo's. That my dear is saying something HUGE. Even Aku m likes you.
I will still do you a tear jerking email saying my thank you properly. Lemme not embarrass you in public....
Hugsssss. ...
Ehen @NaijaWife nne you can stop commenting on blogs oooo but not mine and not this too. No try yasef ooo. I will EXPOSE you if you dare.... :p
Muah
E'
www.eziaha.com

E' said...

And oh yes.... the inthe we know and love is baaaaaaacccccccckkkkkkkk.
You did not mention me on Twitter for this new post oooo. Don't let me EXPOSE you too ooo ha ahn. Since blogspot won't let us subscribe. Maybe you can add my email too cos I get notifications from 1plusTheOne

Anonymous said...

Biko I love d hooottt reward