Thursday, March 13, 2014

Arts and Sciences.

If I ever invited you to my house, one thing you would notice about my fridge is that is is PACKED with food. Let me give you a small “Taste”… I have Ila asepo ( Okro Soup), fried fish stew, smoked turkey stew, asharo, moimoi, puff puff, jambalaya etc. I have mentioned in many times, I LOVE to cook and the hubster hmmm LOVES to eat. Now to another woman, for this, I could range anything from mugu to slave to “Ruth Abokoku” but one thing I know is that cooking is part of the art of my marriage, but not the science of it.

I believe there is a both a science and art to marriage.
(Inthe…has come again oooh…) Chill, chill, let me explain.

The science is the basics. We must both be saved. We must both strive to walk and work in the way of our Lord Jesus Christ. We must both have the goal of love, fidelity, maturity and selflessness. We must both vow to raise our offspring  in the image of Christ. These are examples of  the Kokos,  the unshakeable must haves in my relationship with the hubster. This is the foundation of my marriage.
On the other hand, there is also an art to a marriage that makes it unique and satisfying for both partners. Going back to my cooking A blissful weekend is me cooking for the hubby while he sits and watches basketball with baby boy. I love to feed him tidbits while I’m cooking and when I am done, serve his meal and watch him eat. He often asks, “ Are you not eating?”  but I honestly just want to watch him eat what I’ve prepared for him. In this, I am pleasured, he is pleasured and our bond couldn’t be any tighter.

Wait, wait, before you run to the kitchen to start a food fest of your own, please know that cooking is an art of MY marriage. It works for me, works for my husband and more importantly works for us BOTH.  I am fully aware that there are men who could care less about food; so the key is finding the art of your own relationship. Things that tightens your bond and gives simultaneous pleasure because there isn’t one concrete formula for a happy marriage. This is reciprocal; there are things the hubster does for me that culture or whoever has been deemed unmanly but  when you see him go at it with vigor, you’ll wonder why. Art in a marriage could be a wife mowing the lawn while the hubster does laundry, yes, her panties included. It could be a husband who is a stay at home husband while the wife goes out to work. The art of my marriage is all about us. They are things done because its what works for OUR marriage. Not yours, not theirs but OURS; the only marriage that actually matters.

Not to long ago, there was drama on Twitter. A lady mentioned she hired a house cleaner to help her manage her house and 9jatwitterville went wild saying what kind of woman can’t clean her own house and basically questioning her “wifeliness”. If thats what works for her marriage, its no one’s business.

Here’s to building the arts of our marriages on the foundation of the sciences!

Musings from atop the potter’s wheel...


Gee said...

I like this post, love the sciences and we seem very alike.

People need to know that it is okay to have your "art" different from others. Not according to society/culture but according to the 2 people involved. You're right, not all men adore the idea of a lady in the kitchen. So find his love language (not the society's love language) and speak to him that way.

1 + The One said...

Oh! How I love this post.. There's the tendency to want to compare what works in another marriage to what yours should be like.. Lord knows I was already thinking in my mind when I started reading this post that "InThe has put someone in trouble oh.. I don't like cooking!" lol, until I read further, then my prayer point changed to Lord bless me with a husband that understands and suits me and my personality and vice versa.
RE: Woman on twitter, from your previous post, that is why it is wise to keep quiet on some things that you do in your home and for your husband! People putting sand sand in your apple pie!

In the midst of her said...

Gee: Exactly!!!! Its what works for you. Ain’t nobody's business but yours.

Ayo: No ooh, don’t let my cooking prowess intimidate you. You’re man might require something different and I know it will be something you will do with such ease.

E' said...

For cooking as an art, you and I share that.
I hated cooking in my parent's house. Momsie always feared il starve Aku'm to some kinda food death looool
If I visit your house, I will still HATE to cook. But in my marital home, cooking is my art. I cook soooooo much and all manner but I won't even eat till he is done. Or he insists I get mine and join him. Oh the joy of seeing his eyes light up his tummy bulge and have him experience a FOODgasm is all the joy I need and a fuel for this art.
I always say that generalizations in marriage esp of the ART don't work. Women need to learn it. And fast too. Whether sex , chores, food, babysitting, etc. Find your own. And remove ya eye from another woman's.
In marriage ehn u need a trailer loada wisdom and a huge big padlock to keep away the 'okachamaras'
The I too know's
Lovely one nne
The first post I see without a bible verse. Yet so loaded...

JytE said...

Science: Compulsory courses.

Art: Electives (you get to choose what works for you).

In marriage it's to each his own, not minding whether it's traditional or modern. If it works, great!

Ps: You just described me. I looooovee to cook.

In the midst of her said...

E’licious: ha!! You go girl. You better work that wifey magic on that man!! Keep him intoxicated!

Mrs. D said...

I recall a senior colleague of mine when I was doing my internship who used to have someone bring all kinds of soups and stews for her like twice a month.
Omo, dey gossip am die for office...
And she had her reason which till tomorrow I loved and respected!!!
She and hubby work real hard all week. Weekends are the only time they have to reallllly bond and sundays are pretty much half day cos of church commitments. And they had two kids. And dude doesn't care so much about who's cooking so long as there is food. And he'll rather have the bonding time.
It totally worked for them. She didn't start her marriage that way but that Art became as a result of change.
I never did understand why people tot she was not being 'domesticated'
Like in my home, there's housework I aint cut out for!!! Hubby does it easy. Doesn't make him sissy!!! Its our ART!!!
Great Post Inthe...
Mrs. D

In the midst of her said...

Jyte: Brilliantly said!

In the midst of her said...

Mrs D: I love your example!! Art is making your marriage work for you. Let the world say what they like…it is YOUR marriage!!!

Anosi said...

Furst of hor, is the woman in the second photo, Michelle Obama? the resemblance is uncanny. if yes, she too can do the arts too oh. LOL
Oluwainthe... first paragraph you finished us with orisirisi. which one is Jambalaya again? Redeem breadren, sorry brethren are fasting na.
I don't like cooking everyone complains that about me. I am the baby of the house. I liked to be served good food. BUT, if I see responsibility I will finish their life with good food.
Some men who look so macho outside are very feminine at home. they'd prefer to do some things for the wife that our African ancestors will explode from their graves if they hear. I heard a guy say if his wife says she wants to hire a help make her your second wife. Tueh! Slave mentality in this day and age. Some know the sciences and not the arts, how will there be a balance? Abeg your marraige has its own signature, it is the he(art)that matters joor.

Abi Tobi said...

Amen, amen and amen! Since I am not married I have no input but I like where u pulled d strings from .. Love it!

Abi Tobi said...

Amen! Amen to that ! Since I am not married I can not even add to it .. I love how u pulled the strings together. I always enjoy reading ur articles!

Eniola Prentice said...

Yes you are so right, as every individual is different so is every marriage. When I read cooking I realized that can never be the "art" of my marriage because even to cook for myself I have to coax myself. Great post about staying in your lane and finding what works for your marriage.

Tolu O said...

Arts and Sciences indeed...they reinforce each other, a dynamic balance of sorts that breathes life into their lives as they learn to dance through the minefields, painting a beautiful mosaic from the broken pieces of life

May we all learn to play our part in such a beautiful dance