Sunday, April 20, 2014

Pulling a Ruth...Part 3


Hey ladies, thanks for your patience. I really, really wanted to make this the concluding part but mehn, yarns too plenty. bear with me, I will make sure the next part is the last part...lol.


Ruth 3 vs 3-4: “Take a bath. Put on some perfume. Get all dressed up and go to the threshing floor. ..



Ah! I love this scripture because it points out the beauty of femininity.  A lot of people believe that christian women are supposed to look a certain way; you know...Long baggy skirts without form, no make up, no jewelry, hair every which way but done (I am NOT even going to touch this) but if you search, truly search God's word, you will see God celebrates femininity. In this scripture Naomi tells Ruth to tush up and do what? Get out there! Naomi encouraged Ruth to go out to the threshing floor (the hot spot for the night) and have fun.  Ladies, please don't just sit home all day every day counting the tiles in the ceiling. Don't get me wrong, there is anything wrong with being at home per se; I personally am a "home body" who prefers my company to that of a lot of people, but a lot of women do this because they've been taught going to parties is unchristian. In my single days, I went out and was very active in the community. I was the Vice president of my University's Nigerian Student Associations. I planned some school parties and events, I tutored, I volunteered, I made it a point to go to weddings and age appropriate birthday parties (we all know that's where the single guys are right...lol) and single's bible study. The point is, I was up and about and showed my faces in places I could meet Mr Right. Please don't take this as permission to hit raunchy, God-less places all in the name of "wanting to marry" but dont expect Mr Right to come busting in your bedroom either.

Ruth 3 vs 3-4:...let him know that you are available to him for marriage. Then wait and see what he says. He’ll tell you what to do.”

This scripture is the "koko", the "main-the main", the "shine your eye and read" scripture that is the epitome of pulling a Ruth. Ok, I think we should break this scripture up.

Let him know you are available to marriage..

Shy Girl

Ever heard the phrase "Men are visual"? well sister girl its the gospel truth! The hubster can read me like crazy through my eyes. He can tell when I'm on the verge of committing homicide just as well as when I'm in the mood for some rough play. A lot of guys are intimidated about approaching certain women; especially if these women seem to have their stuff together because it makes them ask "How can a woman like her, need/want/desire a man like me?". It is the truth! A man can contemplate toasting you for 10 years and never make a move just cuz he's scared of you saying no. So what's the first rule of pulling a Ruth? Be accessible. Yes, be inviting. Some women don't know how "stand off" their body language is and I use to be part of that group. For example, If I am not smiling, I have a very hard face.  Guess what, I bet half of you people who love my online persona Inthemidstofher wouldn't even imagine approaching me in real life because I don't seem friendly. I've actually have had a lot of people tell me that before they got to know me, I seemed very unapproachable and even aggressive. Then I open my mouth and "Inthe..." comes out and it's like What?!!  Lol... Once I knew my physical trait could be a "flaw"; I purposed to try and smile a bit more especially when meeting people for the first time. Ok, whats my point? Be accessible!  Ok, look at the girl in the pic above. What do you think she is saying? Is there more of a chance she's saying "Abeg comot road and dont waste my time" or is she saying " Hey,  come get to know me more"...lol.



        Accessibility is as much physical as it is verbal. When I was in medical school; I lived in a apt with my 2 best girls; sweetcheeks and 999. Ok, you had 3 single naija girls living together with a group of single naija guys round the corner. You know what we did once; we did a "Come and chop day". We  spent the day cooking our butts off; and invited some of the 9ja guys in our school to eat. Now there weren't that many blacks, talk less of 9ja's in my school so it ended up being us 3 girls and about 6 naija guys. Well, we  spent the evening eating, gisting, playing whot, watching naija movies, dancing and basically  having fun. This allowed us to get to know each other on a more personal, non academic way and it was fun. Now what's the point here? We were able to show our accessibility in a physical and verbal way. We invited them to our place, we cooked and we entertained. By extending an invitation as a group to a group, we still protected our hearts but provided these guys a chance to get to know us more individually. As a matter of fact, my girl sweetcheeks ended up spending most of the evening paired up with the big headed Ibo guy she liked (sweetcheeks, I know you're reading this and you know who I'm talking about..lol) who used this opportunity to invite her over to his place for pancakes. He later told me he was very interested in her and I guess the fact that she provided an opening into her life made it a bit easier for him to voice his feelings.

*Disclaimer: "Come and chop" was my form of accesibility. As I've mentioned, I love to cook, so it was a very easy thing for me to organize. Your accessibility tactic could be planning a bowling event, a singles bible study or inviting people to come watch ManU vs Arsenal at your place. Do what makes you comfortable and I can not stress the importance of letting trustworthy friends on to your plan.

          Providing opportunity for a guy does not mean you should useless yourself for him. Don't go licking your lips or following him around the room or butting into EVERY conversation he has. Providing opportunity is like slyly tapping the ball to him and saying "Ol' boy, its in your corner. Whatcha gonna do with it?"Let's go back to my previous example. The fact that a group of girls invited a group of boys protected everyone involved.  Do not use it as a way to get him alone so you can toast him. That is not the point! Ok, so sweetcheeks was feeling ibo boy right? What if he wasnt' feeling her? No pressure! because he wouldn't have ever known the intentions behind the "Come and Chop!" It would have ended as some sweet girls feeding the hungry bachelors on campus, no one would have known any different and sweetcheeks would have been able to decided if he was feeling her and paying extra attention or not even recognizing she was in the room. Buuuuuuuuuut since sweet cheeks like Ibo boy, it worked out in a good way.



Now, there are a group of women who feel, that making yourself available to marriage means playing wifey without the ring. You feel a guy and next thing you are doing his cooking, cleaning, laundry all because you want him to know you can be a good wife. Ugh, sorry sweety, this only tells him you could be a good maid because your level of cleaning is not directly correlated to your level of womanhood. Some ladies even go as far as having sex, so he knows what he's getting. Ladies, Nooooooooooooooooo!!! I can not emphasize the madness of that. Please, please respect yourself in this process. You have to protect your heart!  Remember, the situation you are in and the goal of it; you're feeling a boy, he seems to be feeling you and you wanna know the truth. You are to NEVER disrespect or sell yourself short. Until he comes out with his intentions, there is the possibility he is not on the same page with you; as in, he's not interested in you like that. So if you dont protect your heart and are going full out wifey mode, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.


To be continued...

Musings from atop the potter's wheel...









22 comments:

E' said...

Am I first?
Nne you killed this accessible thing!!!
As in KILLED!!!
More grace darling.
Muah
E'

Mwajim Al said...

I was telling my friend the other day about how I was waiting for you to post Part 3. I clicked to check and if it wasn't there, I was going to DM you lol... that is how much I wanted to read this post. Please post part 4... sistehs be waiting lol.
Thanks for the advice :D

femi said...

*singing* she has come again, she has come again, with part 4.....hahaha, well I learnt something o, being accessible bt dat come watch manu nd arsenal no be for my house sha, and d whole dress up idea, still getting myself used to that, but while u r pulling d ruth hw do u say no to the other dudes....u r single sort of pulling d ruth

Debby Dyk said...

*** takes mic, clears throat***

I love inthe...
May God bless inthe...
May inthe... continually be a blessing

You are good!

Anonymous said...

Thanks inthe....
i love love this piece. I have to learn to be accessible and learn to smile because i have been told i have a hard look

Nikkisho said...

Love the series! :)
Thanks for sharing!!

Eniola Prentice said...

Being accessible...in a subtle way is a great one. Its advice I should take myself :) I rarely see that in articles about relationships. Great work. Keep it coming.

naijawife said...

To be continued again?! for reaaaal?

Mitchell Awah said...

Whoop whoop part 3! :D Noooo part 4! :( Lol! Kidding. This is my 1st time commenting. I've been going through your blog this past week and all I can say is where have you been all my life? Thank God I found you lol. Seriously God bless you. Reading your blog has made me a little less apprehensive about marriage because I've not exactly seen good examples around me. I was just thinking to my self recently that I need to become friends with some young, married, christian couple. And here you are lol. I may not know you in person but God is opening my eyes and my heart through your posts. Some of my ideas are being urm readjusted. So anyhoo, before I pour out my life story on here, God bless you once again.

Mitchell Awah said...

And oh did I say I got right to the beginning of your blog? Yes I did :D

Our Stories Inc. said...

I grinned so hard when I saw Part 3 was up lol. Thanks for it, InThe! Very insightful as usual.

And the bit on playing wifey before the ring.. I couldn't agree more. As they say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!"

www.fivecoveredcolonnades.blogspot.com said...

You have done—perhaps i should say you have written—well as usual. However, do you not think that in the process of getting accessible, ladies get very emotionally invested and it all becomes very messed up? Anyway, I am very glad you pointed out that sex was not part of being accessible.

1 + The One said...

I am saying a BIG amen to Debby's prayers! Too too much!
See me taking notes - I think I may guilty of that recluse thing!! I am expecting him to knock on my room door haha! No more!
Also, I used to be told that I had this intimidating look! I was like Who?! Me?! My response used to be - If he's the right one, he will not be intimidated lol.. But what you wrote right there is wisdom!
I am so forwading this post (as usual) to my girlfriends!
*kisses* x 100 Inthe! Love ya muchos xxxx

@eloxie said...

Dear In The, thanks for this...
You share 'truly truthful truths' in bite size nuggets.
To the koko though, after this wait, I can't believe you are extending this to Part 4. Patiently taking my patient cloak and shifting to longsuffering mode.
God bless you and increase your insight and utterance.
You are appreciated.

Oluwatosin said...

As in ehen! You nailed it with this post. First time 'commenter' courtesy Ayo of oneplustheone. I enjoy your approach to explaining the word and how it relates in our day-day living

Uje said...

Wow! Where have I been?

You know I realized that sometimes we ladies try to put up this tough look like am not easily accessible and I love it that way, not until reality dawns...I've come to realize the importance of being cheerful and down to earth, learnt to come down from whatever social ladder I may be on, cos I may be scaring someone good, I mean really good!

This is so much wisdom right here...
Thanks for sharing inthe, without holding back

Highly Favored said...

The smiling and be accessible thing I deffinately need to work on.

It's easy almost natural to smile and be "accessible" when we are attracted to someone in particular. but I'm learning to smile and have an accessible attitude all the time as one may never know who will be attracted to you in the process. Lord help me.

Maggielola said...

Ah, again I didn't get the memo on this one!

But boy have you killed this post. Ruth did not toss a blanket over her head in the name of spirituality or religion. She put effort in her appearance. Then she made a physical effort to go to the threshold. Gbam!

Inthe unnie...you deserve a hug!

Dr. N said...

I like. I really, like

Anonymous said...

Where are you InThe? we wait a million years between your post these days!!!!!!!!!


Lekwe

Anosi said...

I like this post. Very real. No forming.

Kelechi Evuleocha said...

In the... at what point do you show (or not show) wifey duties? What did you do with you hubby before you got married? Did you for him just once, occasionally, etc? Wonderful post!