Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Pulling a Ruth...Finale

 In my last post, I left off talking about making the guy aware that you are accessible to his advances. If you missed the first 3 segments, you can find them here, here and here. I talked about how Ruth made her advances known to Boaz and upon telling Naomi, her MIL, she was told

Ruth 3 vs 3-4:...let him know that you are available to him for marriage. Then wait and see what he says. He’ll tell you what to do.”

 I'll start this broken heart.

So you shown your self approachable, accessible and open to the possibility of a relationship all without toasting him or taking away his chance to take a lead role in making a relationship happen!  Congratulations!

So what now?

Now comes the hardest part (well at least for me and a lot of women); sitting back and letting go. Naomi told Ruth to  "...wait and see" because Boaz would "tell her what to do"

I hear you ladies " Wait and see? I hate waiting, I want what I want when I want it. I have to wait to see what this guy will do? What do I do with the time?

17/365- "Love is Patient.."

What do you do with the time?  The same things you were doing before you noticed the fine boy; you LIVE YOUR LIFE! Remember, the purpose of pulling a Ruth is to show your interest in a guy but it is NOT to literally toast; so now that you've made your intentions known, the ball is literally in his corner.

He'll tell you what to do...
How? With his response to you. He'll do one of 2 things may happen

a) He'll see your signals and meet them head on.

 loves connection

As  I mentioned in my last post, for some guys, there is nothing "worse" than a woman who seems to have it all. Most men want you to need them in a way, have some kind of area they can be of help to you. Once, they can see that gap, they fear you dont have need for them as a whole. For example, as you can assume, before the hubster, I was VERY VERY self fulfilled, if there was something I needed manly hands to do, I had my choice between a father, brothers, and any number of male friends willing to dive in and save the day. Let's just say I wasn't lacking in the testosterone dept.  Well, when the hubster and I became serious, I had to relinquish a lot of control in order to provide an opening into my life, create an area he could fulfill not only  to start sharing my life with him but to also give him the chance to be MY man. Ok, so what's the point of this story?  Once you give a guy that "opening", if he is interested, he will run into it! You wont have to sit there stressing and worrying, he will take that opportunity and those hints and make that relationship happen.

We all know where Ruth's story ended, but unfortunately that is not the conclusion in every situation. Unfortunately, there can be a option B as well...

b)You'll realize he's not interested in you.
So walk away.....

Sorry girlfriend, this is a part of life; unfortunately there is a chance you might encounter a situation where the guy you're feeling may not be feeling you at all. Put don't see this as a waste; it is actually closure that will free you to move on. Look at it this way, would you rather have sat there guessing on his intentions or knowing the truth and being able to close this chapter? I thought so. Take it as it is and move on; the saving grace is that if you played your "Ruth cards" right, he'll have no idea you were crushing on him hard.

So, there you go. I hope you enjoyed my "Pulling a Ruth" series. I also hope you've been encouraged to know that love doesn't just have to "happen" to can be a willing participant in choosing who approaches you.

Musings from atop the potter's wheel...


Fels said...

Very insightful message. The most important lesson for me is learning to wait and learning to let go. God bless you for this, dear Inthe.

Lovelyn Tijesunimi-Israel said...

Lovely conclusion. And yh, waiting can be tiring.

1 + The One said...

Oh how I hate the wait!!!!
I have really enjoyed reading the 'Pulling a Ruth' series ... but mehn I hope I don't have to lol.. *saying a prayer* - Lord please let him be very pro-active in Jesus name, Amen! :-D

Eniola Prentice said...

I also hope you've been encouraged to know that love doesn't just have to "happen" to can be a willing participant in choosing who approaches you.

I especially love the last line because I feel that sometimes get's lost for me. Great conclusion to the post.

Anosi said...

Pulling a Ruth can be hard oh. Waiting whilst seeing the person all the time, can make it worse. said...

When I saw the final part, I muttered "Adupe" Hahahaha. Some of us had been waiting! Anyway, moving on. It was quite an interesting series. Even though, personally just like 1 + The One said, I really prefer proactive men lol. But then again, I didn't just learn about 'pulling the Ruth' in this series, it was much more for me.
However, I wanted to call your attention to something. I'd recently been studying the book of Ruth too. I kinda realized from my studying/reading and findings that Naomi's act was not very appropriate. Even though, God had destined Ruth and Boaz to be together, Naomi sorta wanted to and she in fact was going through a short cut. For instance, when she knew Boaz had had 'lots of wine' and was 'merry' which means he probably wasn't thinking clearly that night, why did she still ask Ruth to 'sneak' into HIS BED at that time? So much that Boaz had to ask her to sneak out because it would have been really shameful for Ruth if she had been seen leaving a man's house. I guess, Boaz's character was a strong one after all and in spite of his mental state, he was able to make very good judgement.
Thank you for the series, it was great! :-)

In the midst of her said...

Fels: Thank you! and God bless you too.

Lovelyn: Waiting no be beans my dear but you also have to be strong enough to know when the waiting period is over and its time to move on.

1+: We ALL love pro-active men but sometimes for a multitude of reasons (i.e. he dey fear, men step back

Eniola:Yes ooh! My God loves his daughters.

Anosi: I hear you sis but sometimes we also have to know when to move on.

Five colored...: Lol at adupe! Life got busy my dear but thanks for your patience. You make a very valid point and I debated on wether to make a whole post about it but i opted out. The thing is, in an ideal world, women wouldnt have to "pull Ruths"; we all love proactive men but due to different reasons, we dont live in an ideal world. Naomi took Ruth under her tutelage to help her get the man she wanted, not much different than girlfriends plotting to get the attention of a guy. Was it ideal? Depends on who you ask. Remember Ruth presented herself at Boaz's feet while he lay, a sign that she was available. She did not climb into his bed or even voice the feelings of her heart. I think Boaz wanted her out unnoticed so that the gbegboruns and gossips wouldnt have a chance to soil her name. My thing is, "Is the guy worthy of having a Ruth pulled on him?" if he is, go for it.

Maggielola said...

"...when the hubster and I became serious, I had to relinquish a lot of control in order to provide an opening into my life, create an area he could fulfill not only to start sharing my life with him but to also give him the chance to be MY man."

Not me, lol! In my head we're struggling for boss and surbudinate. Haha that was a long time ago though. I'm happy with your Ruth series--- helps me to see what toxic behaviors are in relationships and how to overcome them.

P.S. I;s finals week and time has become a luxury o. Looking forward to connecting with you on Twitter again, unnie! Happy mothers' day...saranghae yo! :)

sykik said...

You are gifted with words. I hope you belong to a marriage/ relationship counseling department or organization .

Anonymous said...

InThe e don tey naw!!!! When are you going to have a new post??? I miss u


Anonymous said...

Yes Yes Yes! In enjoyed the series :)
Thanks for sharing.