Wednesday, September 03, 2014

Dear Inthe... Open to love

 *Wow, my people...E don tey! Forgive me but life has been happening. My cup has been running over. As you guys know, last year  I moved to a new state to do a fellowship well to the glory of God, I completed it an graduated! Yay! Well with graduation came packing up to move back home. 

Inthemidstof packing, I was working full time and a colleague decided to share a bad cold with me and to top it off babyboy was off for the summer! so let's recap...Inthe sick with a bad cold, packing up a house to move, while taking care of babyboy and working on top. I had to set priorities and unfortunately, the blog ranked a little lower.  To you guys who complain that I get sick a lot...Ugh, hello. When you guys get sick, where do you go? To the hospital abi? Who do you see and share your illnesses with? Doctors abi? ' Nuff said!! Lol

 Anyway sha.... Let's start with a "Dear Inthe..." Q while I get my act together. 

Hello Inthe,

I am graduating this yr, and I have my life planned in my head. While I have planned out a whole lot,
I have this part hanging,  "When and who will the daughter of man marry?" Truth is, if I were to date or 'go out' or court any of the men in my life right now, I might just be disowned by my tribalistic family and relatives. I am yoruba and all the guys in my life right now are igbo or other tribes...I really don't know why I attract them easily. Infact, there is this one who has been my friend for like 3yrs now he is like the best guy friend I have or have ever had; but lately he has been pulling away and that's because I think am not ready for a relationship.So I think you should advice on tribal would be a great relief not just for me but for several people I believe. 

Hey O2L,
Great question. Easy for the Christian minds but mad difficult for most flesh. Why, because like you and so many others, we were raised believing that in a perfect world, everyone would marry within their ethnic group because it just makes things easier. I had a cousin who ventured out and married a different naija tribe and let's just say she still bears the emotional and physical scars of her decision. She's now become the poster child for reasons to stick to your "own people"and anytime someone else wants to "venture out" her name is brought up. Regardless of what people including myself might believe, I know this is NOT God's stance on love and relationships. I remember asking the hubster if he could marry someone not Yoruba and he said "White, Chinese, Himalayan long as it's God's will, I'll trust him to work out the cultural differences" What can I say? My man's a better person than I am. The truth of the matter is "Love is blind".

Before I get carried away, let me remind myself that you are not asking my personal thoughts. As in all issues, let's see what the bible says....
Have you ever heard of "Rose tinted glasses" well our father has his own version I like to call "Blood tinged glasses" and he wears them 24/7. When it comes to marriage, the bible says "Red + Red =Perfection".

( Huh??!! Let me explain)

Galatians 3:28: There is neither Jew nor gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female; for you are all one in Christ.

 Bottom line, when God sees you, he sees a human being. He doesn't care if you're white black, Hausa, Efik or Yoruba. He sees a person dipped in the bright red blood of his son Jesus Christ. So if God see's you as a "red"; do you think he cares of the color, ethnicity or creed of the guy he's hooking you up with? Nope, all he looks for is to match you with another "red" person; as I mentioned earlier Red + Red = Perfection. One thing I've learned is that you are as capable of getting hurt with ANY man regardless of race, ethnicity or culture; we ALL carry our fair share of drama and baggage and that's why we have to hold on to the Christ and not the race of each other. For example, with all the drama of packing and being sick and blah blah blah, the hubster and I had some "intense fellowship" (aka a fight) this past week; he's yoruba, I'm yoruba...I said some hurtful things and he did the same. The fact that we share a culture did absolutely zilch to protect us from each other, it was the love we have, rooted in Christ that saved the day. This love, you can find with any Christian from ANY race or culture.

So you're family is tribalistic?


Girl, whose family isn't. I sincerely believe that most cultural stereotypes (i.e Nigbati nigbati /juju= yoruba; 419/a jokuta ma m'omi = igbo; aboki/uneducated/pedophile=Hausa) were created by our ancestors to make everyone marry within their tribes. Either way know that as a married woman, you'll be laying in the bed you prepare yourself; for this reason amongst others it is of the utmost importance you do this thing God's way and not man's.


1 + The One said...

Inthe!! I have missed you and your posts too much! Let me share a testimony.. So, I was surfing my favourite blogs and thought to myself.. "Let me even go to Inthe's blog.. I know she hasn't posted in a while but I can just go and look around and hope right?" Lo and behold, the topic was one I hadn't seen before! I checked the date and it was 3rd September.. I did that double-take that they do in cartoons because I thought I had just conjured the date hahaha! Praiseeee the Lord! (Testimony over).. lol
Bottom line is that I lovee you and your blog, I have missed you so very much and I am really really glad that you're back! (Plus I thought about you this morning - yayy! I was in the spirit!)
Ok this is sounding freakish, but yahh my love for you is almost stalker-ish - and I am not ashamed! lool.
Thank you Dr Inthe for taking the hit from your patients often.... Congratulations on your graduation!! Thank God for giving you success! Well done.
Ok, to the topic at hand.. You have nailed it and given another wonderful equation - Red + Red = Perfection..
Tribalism is quite real and I do admit that I have wanted to marry from my tribe but like Hubster says, as long as God says this is He, I trust Him to give the grace to manage our tolerance and acceptance of each other's cultural differences..
Family is however another ball-game.. If they don't see things as you do, it could become a real issue! It's not always easy (E shared her experience and I know friends who have had to go through it) but if it's God's plan, no matter how long it takes, it will happen by His grace.. Don't miss a great blessing because of man-made/imposed prejudice.

Anonymous said...

Congrats on d fellowship! Yay!
Get well soon dear
I married from a tribe my dad claimed "slaughtered" his uncle during d biafran war. The threats got out of hand. I had to obey God who told me I could listen to them n regret later. Rem when problems arise u r on your own.
One of my cousins married an unbeliever in d 90s. She was in SU. My mom didn't know better n encouraged her as he was from our village. She died just when he repented after years of heartache, due to smoking n womanizing.
This is not a post. Just to say, u r responsible for d consequences of your choice, so choose wisely.
Dr. N

Abi Tobi said...

Galatians 3: 28 is my to go verse, I believe if God has giving us a go ahead then we are covered. Girl, don't be discouraged by the tribal stereotypes, as long as you are working in God's will for your life, you are covered and family, family usually come around .. All the best :)

Anonymous said...

I missed you InThe!!! Welcome back and get well soon!
You are always on point! I have always been liberal about whom i marry, by parents are from different tribes so it kinda may us opened minded. I can marry any race as long as he is saved and he checks the other non-negotiables on the list eg sense of family and seed sowing etc.


Frances Okoro said...

in the!!!!!! welcome back!!!!!
and ofcourse you nailed this for us. on all counts, God bless you again, you do know how I feel about your ministry.

and congratulations on fellowship!!why wont I crush on you? godly + go getter? yay!

Feyi's dairy said...

Yaaaaay welcome back and congrats on the fellowship!
I love this :red + red = perfection
Beautiful post that spoke directly to me.
Get well soon xx

Anonymous said...

I miss you... 😞

Anonymous said...