Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Dear Inthe... Will God make me settle for less?


Dear Inthe,

How are you doing? I've been following your blog and I'm learning a lot about marriage and the waiting period. So, I'm 27 years old, female, single and not in any relationship now. 

You usually say we should be open to what God wants and not have fixed ideas about physical characteristics. I want, above all, a godly 1 Tim 3 kinda man. But there are some things that really get to me, like a guy who can't speak good english or who can't be bothered about his appearance and looks scruffy. I try to look past this though but somehow it never works out with these men. The trouble is I'm meeting too many such guys. 
 Waiting for Godot

My question now is, can God give me a man who can't even construct one proper sentence or is this just a problem of me being in the wrong place? am i being too picky if i say i want a 1 Tim 3 man who dresses neat & smart, and is well-spoken? The guys who ask me out that fit the physical characteristics are married men, so obviously lacking in the spiritual. I really want a godly man, and do not mind the waiting.  

looking forward to your reply.
Thanks
 Anonymous


Hey Anonymous
Do you want the truth or the "customer is always right" answer? I figured if you took the trouble to write me,, you must want the honest truth...

Here it goes...

You said:  I want, above all, a godly 1 Tim 3 kinda man. But there are some things that really get to me, like a guy who can't speak good english or who can't be bothered about his appearance and looks scruffy.





Bum(-bastic)
What I think you're really asking is "Can I trust God with my love life? Can I truly relinquish control knowing he'll make me happy? Hmm that's a tough question. One I and many others have asked. It's funny we trust God with our safety, family and future but when it comes to love, we are hesistant. I think our flesh finds it hard to give up control because we are afraid that God's will will not be our will. Does God know how sexy I find bald heads and straight teeth? Will he give me my heart's desire of a chocolate skinned brother? Ultimately, we are wondering if God loves us enough to make us happy.   


I think we are looking at this all wrong. In a potential mate, our main focus shouldn't be on getting what we want but what we need.  God, the lover of our souls, the King who knows the end from the beginning knows what you truly need in a man and is more concerned with fulfilling that than giving you what your flesh thinks you desire. I mentioned how growing up, I wanted to be with "thugs". I was uncontent with my privileged upbringing and wanted a man who walked on the dark side; but as I have metamorphosed into the woman I am now, I praise God that he gave me different. The hubster was never what I wanted but exactly what my soul needed. We can free fall into God's arms knowing he has our best interest at heart. Just like a child trusts a parent, trust God.
Hold me [explored]

Ps, why do you think a scruffy uneducated guy is your portion? Abandoning our pre-set desires does not mean abandoning common sense as well! You have every right to turn down a guy who is dirty or smells.

You also said: am i being too picky if i say i want a 1 Tim 3 man who dresses neat & smart, and is well-spoken? The guys who ask me out that fit the physical characteristics are married men, so obviously lacking in the spiritual.

This statement kinda bothers me. It seems you are in a situation where you are being repeatedly asked out by married men. Have you asked yourself why? Why do these men feel comfortable coming up to you even though they know you know they are married?  Where do you hang out and with whom?  If something is repeatedly happening to you ( married guy.... rough unkempt guy), its time for some self evaluation. If you have a trusted male friend... ask him to tell you what he thinks about you or how guys might see you. It might help you see things about yourself you've never noticed. For example, I have a very "hard" face when not smiling. After being told this repeatedly, I had to make the conscious effort to keep a smile on my face to soften my features and not give off the wrong impression.
Mirror


 With God and love, it doesn't have to be "one or the other"; in the sense that " I choose my own way and end up missing God" or  "I go with God and run the risk of ending up unhappy". When it comes to men, don't be afraid first and foremost to talk to God about a potential guy. Really pray and ask him "Is this guy for me?"You don't have to walk around wondering if every guy who toasts you is the one because in certain situations, common sense might negate the need to even pray i.e  if an unbeliever is toasting you. God speaks to his children and will let you know when you've met the one; only if you listen. In a previous post http://www.inthemidstofher.com/2014/07/dear-inthehow-will-i-know.html I wrote about the process of knowing if a potential is the one. 

God will never MAKE you fall in love with someone, he is not a dictator. If you feel there are vital characteristics missing from a guy, then keep on moving, just as long as you are sure you are not being shallow. A guy who interests you but you dont like their wardrobe can always be toushed up but there are things no toushing up can hide. Where a guy could always buy a new shirt, he can not buy salvation. Make sure the reasons your are over looking a guy are legit and you have peace in your heart.
Blessings
Inthe...

6 comments:

E' said...

Gbam

sometimes these men come in raw materials. Very raw. Dazall they know.

truth is somethings can be taught n learnt.

big question is IS HE WILLING TO BE TAUGHT/LEARN?

Debby Dyk said...

I agree with E' tooo

lovely post Inthe... I enjoyed...

Tomilola Akibo said...

I have a man in my fellowship that told us how his wife toushed him up real good. She spoke better english and taught him very well... and the other way around too. He taught her somethings too.

Like you said T-shirt can be bought but not salvation.

(y)

Tessa Doghor said...

Yes you can.

God is trust worthy

and he won't make you or want you to marry someone you are not attracted to.

That is room for adultery...
a no-no in God's kingdom
Adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Ano said...

Truth! If you keep attracting the same kinda people you don't want to attract check yourself.

Anonymous said...

E' u gorrrrrit! Hehe.
God is not wicked. He will give u your desire. Depending on your walk wt him, he will throw in a curve ball just to "mould" u. However, d entire package will not be repulsive, never fear. DR. N