Thursday, November 06, 2014

Not my source...

I watched the hubster walk out the door. I waited at the window till he drove off and then I sat down and cried my eyes out.

I've mentioned in so many previous posts about how I've always seen the hubster as being more spiritual mature than myself. I would take an issue to him, a problem, a fear or heartache and he would comfort me, giving me a word or a scripture that related so perfectly to my struggle. Lord knows I dont pray for hardships or trials but If I have to go through one, there is NO ONE, I would rather go through it with than my Adeife, the hubster. In a matter of minutes, I could go from heavy laden and sad to buzzing around the house singing.

 Triptychs of Strangers #4: The Couple I, Montmartre - Paris

Well as I've made my own growth through God's grace, I've come to see how big of a problem this dependence can be in certain situations.

Wait, your husband making you happy is a problem?

The problem is that I had systematically turned my husband into a crutch. I was resting my need for a source of joy on his shoulders, man made shoulders and it was stunting my own growth. I was basing my joy on wether the hubster could produce the right words or action to make me feel better. What would happen if at that exact moment, he had nothing to say? Could I not be happy? It was obvious that I using the hubster's gift as substitution of the real source of happiness.

 Let me give you an example...

There is an issue I struggle with... You guys don't need to know about it cause it doesn't really matter. It could be a fear of tomorrow, compulsion of adultery or the temptation of stealing; a struggle is a struggle is a struggle. Period. (Ps, pls don't let anyone try to shame you by telling you you're too "saved" to be struggling with an issue... Anyway, that's a topic for another day). 

 Self Doubt

In the past, when I felt it raising it's ugly head, I would run ( not walk) to the hubster and tell him about it. He would hold me, pray for me, console me and speak the word over me. The only problem was in a day, or month or year when that ugly fear arose again, I wouldn't be able to remember the word my husband has given me and would have to to run back to him again for reassurance. Where was my need of God in this issue? Where did my comforter and healer fit into the equation? Hmm, no where cuz hubby was doing an excellent job. 

Hmmm... Can you say Idol?!
 One day, the Lord in his mercy made this sin of mine apparent to me. He revealed how I was using the hubster as a source of joy and had removed God from my equation whenever I was feeling sad. in my conviction, I repented and sought his forgiveness. Pls let me clarify something. There is nothing wrong asking the hubster to go to battle WITH me but in what I was doing previously, I was asking him to go to battle FOR me.

How would it look if you're fasting and praying for someone who is wiping jollof rice oil from their mouth? Enh-hen, now you're getting my point. Because I ws asking the hubster to deal with this issue for me and never tried to battle it on my own, it ( the issue) was bound to raise its head again and again.  So it wasn't a surprise when my old foe came knocking again. it was time for me to do this own my own. I watched the hubster get ready for work and even though we gisted as he prepared, my heart was so heavy. A couple of times, I wanted to tell the hubster that I was feeling "sad" aka " Hubby come ask me whats going on and solve my issues" but I swallowed the words.  As he kissed me goodbye, I avoided his eyes but got up to watch his car drive off. 

Black Samurai

I took a deep breath and opened my bible, fell to my knees and girlllllllllllllllllllllll ( or boy, depending on who's reading this) I let it all out. I cried, read scripture, prayed and spilled my heart out to God. I kid you not, in less than ten minutes, I was feeling that peace that only God could bring. He had given me scripture to hold on to, a sword to fight with and a shield of faith. I can not describe his love that enveloped me.  Yours truly had gone to war with only her God and had won the battle. I was now a WOMAN!  God proved that he, not man, not the hubster was my source of joy. Nowadays, I might ask the hubster to go to war with me or I might wait till I get back for the battle zone to fill him.

Musings from atop the potter's wheel...

******A big thank you to everyone who stalked, pestered, bullied, eagerly sought me during this time of absence. I truly appreciate the blog love. It was not my intentions to be gone this long, but as I said in my last post... Life was happening. I have a ton of things I want to share with you and I am excited about what God's going to do. As always, if you have a "Dear Inthe..." Question (confidential ones always welcome), comments, a blog topic or you just want to say hi, please feel free to email me at


Ifeoluwa Olawole said...

In the!!!!!!!!!! Welcome. Lol.

The Fashion Engineer said...

Finally! !!

Some of us think we need others to complete/save us and we leave God out of the equation
Lesson learnt! Thank you! !

1 + The One said...

Welcome back Inthe!!!!!! Glad to have you back.. So so glad!

Hmmm.. What you wrote ehn, word! I used to be in that danger too.. Infact I was looking forward to meeting someone who could take the place of God (I wasn't doing this deliberately but I got to discover that).. I over-loved, I over-hoped, over-depended and it was just not right..

Infact the way I desired to be married was enough cause for concern.. I almost could feel God saying - am I not enough for you? And I had to pray to God to be my no 1.. Before and after marriage. My first go-to person, my rock, and like you said, the source of my joy.

It's difficult! Because it's a lot easier relying on someone you love and can see but nothing can ever take the place of God... Only God can be GOD...
Thanks for sharing this sis.. I am not married yet, but when I do, I won't forget this.

{{Big hugs}}.. I pray for God's grace for you in this season of your life.. I am excited for you because I know that God has GREAT things for you.. Love ya! xxxxx

Okeoghene said...

Spot on. God first.

Frances Okoro said...

In the, welcome, welcome back!

And this topic is so apt. I have lost myself before by anchoring my source of joy and strength in someone else and it took God to right my error...

Nowadays too, I am mostly careful of this even though i'm not married. It so easy to prefer a "go to " person more than God. But "go to person" can only last for so long. After all, God created that person God alone is the source.

When I also learned this year that God is my first husband, this made more sense to me. God is first, always first, the others must come after Him.
God first, always...
And when it seems like I'm being drawn into the hole of "go to person", posts like this and a reminder always helps.
Thanks ma'am

Gbemisoke said...

Timely. Apt. Thank you.

Myne Whitman said...

I always appreciate your posts and it's been a while. Welcome back.

Akibo tommie said...

I absolutely learnt alot from this and in the past weekend experienced it.

Thanks for sharing!!

Welcome back.

Anonymous said...

First of all welcome back InThe!!! I missed you!
Yeah God is our only source...every other thong/person etc is a resource he uses to reach us.
i learnt that recently when there was a little cut in my salary, i was scared would i manage, but i caught the revelation that God is my source not my job!
Funny its amazing how i have had addition income from other sources in the last two months.
I haave learnt and i am learning to trust God daily for EVERYTHING!!!!


Anonymous said...

Wow!!! This is me o, really appreciate dis write up, 4 sometime now av been relying on my fiance as my source of joy and hapiness, each time I have an issue I just go him without bothering to pray abt it. A few days ago we had a serious quarel that almost lead to our break up, dat was wen I realised dat 1 shld nevah make a being a source cos No 1 can ever take d place of God. Tanks 4 word in the.. Am so sorry FATHER and I promise to make u my NO 1 from 2day.

Abi Tobi said...

aww... I love this one! God should be the source

Anonymous said...

It's interesting how the light we step into can be the very reason a shadow is cast in our blind spot

The issue of idolatry seems to me like a constant wrestling match. Seemingly harmless ideas or beliefs can suddenly (although not really suddenly) become idols

Thank you for the reminder to lay down my Isaac, to face the daunting obstacle of relinquishing my will, to remember that "he is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose"

Welcome back eyan mi

Eniola Prentice said...

Its eye opening it can happen in marriages too. I can say I definitely do this when I am in relationships. Using a man to feel a void that only God can feel. I know I will be thinking of this post when I eventually get married because sometimes I feel Im looking for a 'captainsaveadamsel" and need to make sure I don't allow him to take the place of God in my life.