Monday, January 05, 2015

Dear Inthe...Why is God Silent?

 Happy New year people! it is a blessing to be witnessing a new year and I give God all the Glory.  How about we kick off this new year with a "Dear Inthe..." Q? Feel free to leave comments of encouragement and advice to my  "questioner".
Lets go!
 


Dear Inthe...
So I have been dating this guy. Prior to dating, I let him know that there would be no pre marital sex. He agreed. I happily went along, thinking I had found a good man and  we were best friends, gosh. We tell each other everything, like the relationship actually started out from us being really great friends, so that was definitely a good foundation. Anyway fast forward down the line, about two years into the relationship, he said he couldn't go ahead with the no sex thing. He wasn't sure he could wait till marriage and doesn't even know when marriage will come, and do I expect him to hold off till marriage. Therefore, we should end things. I thought my world came crashing down. Again he said since none of us was willing to compromise, there was nothing we could do. I prayed to God so much just for something, for a leading of the spirit on what exactly to do. It's been about three months now that these thing has been happening.  
 Do my crying underwater
Inthe, I decided to let go but I just can not get my mind off him. I am always thinking about him. When I wake up, when I go to bed, when I am studying, every single time. If I decide to ignore him for a whole day, saying to myself that I wasn't going to message him, it always became impossible. I always want to share my day and life with him. Whenever a message comes from him, I become really happy. I always want to hear from him. I think what is really really sad is God's silence on this issue. I have prayed my heart out, asked for direct instructions, asked for a leading of the spirit. I just want to be careful. Nothing, I remember the year I started dating/met this guy, I had prayed to God on new year's day that I was finally ready to meet and date  a good guy that I would eventually marry. Imagine my surprise when towards the end of the year this guy came. It was like God sent him to me. He's very great but for the sex thing, which I CAN and WILL NOT COMPROMISE on. God willing. So inthe, I am afraid I will chase my own husband away when I cut off all ties. Anyway, what exactly can I do? or how can I get something from God. I feel so sad, to the point of tears when I just wouldn't hear anything from God on the issue.
Thanks Inthe... I look forward to your response.*
Heartbroken
 Edited for privacy and brevity.


Dear Heart broken
Thank you so much for writing in to me. My heart goes out to you and I pray to find the right words to say to you. I invite God into this conversation and may he bring what you want need at this moment in time. I  always tell my writers with Q's that I will talk to you like family and if my words seem harsh at anytime please know it is not intentional; I speak from a heart of Love and so desire you to know the truth. Not my truth but biblical truth.
 You said: Prior to dating, I let him know that there would be no pre marital sex. He agreed but about two years into the relationship, he said he couldn't go ahead with the no sex thing. He wasn't sure he could wait till marriage and doesn't even know when marriage will come...
the silence of your presence
Initially you shared the same standards on premarital sex but two years into the relationship; he's changed his mind. He has changed his mind to a pt he even questions marriage. Have you asked yourself why? What has changed in those two years that would make him go back on his word? Could it be the struggle of sexual purity, peer pressure, the desire to be intimate with you or him just giving up on his christian walk? Maybe he just said what he needed to say with the intentions of changing your mind later? I don't know but let me ask you; which one of these reasons is good enough and justifiable before the eyes of our Lord? Absolutely NONE! He has taken his stand,its time for you to take yours.

 You said: I thought my world came crashing down.I prayed to God so much just for something, for a leading of the spirit on what exactly to do.I think what is really really sad is God's silence on this issue. I have prayed my heart out, asked for direct instructions, asked for a leading of the spirit. I just want to be careful. Nothing.He's very great but for the sex thing, which I CAN and WILL NOT COMPROMISE on. 
 184/365 Blindfolded
The truth is the truth whether we blindfold ourselves to it or not. My dear, what exactly are you awaiting on God for? What word are you expecting that he hasn't already said in his word, the bible? Is it 1 Cor 6:18 asking you to flee from sexual impurity or 1Thes 4:3-5 asking you to abstain from sexual immorality. What about Hebrews 13:4 and Col 3: 5? I could go on and on with scripture. This word you seek, this direction, has been provided over 2000 years ago for such a season as this. Sometimes we wait on God for answers he has already spoken. God does not mince or waste words! Every word he speaks is for a reason and there is no point to repeating it. What do you want him to say? "Yes my daughter, it is ok...sleep with him to keep him; he is worth that much" or "My daughter although sexual immorality is wrong, just because you are this in love, you are exempt from my will". It's not going to happen sis.

You said : I remember they year I started dating this guy, I had prayed to God on new year's day that I was finally ready to meet and date  a good guy that I would eventually marry. Imagine my surprise when towards the end of the year this guy came. It was like God sent him to me. 
 Woman reading bible in church - Ethiopia
Forgive me but are you assuming that because he came after you prayed he MUST be from God? No, it does not work that way.  There's God's will, the devil's will and free will. Let me explain. If I prayed the same prayer, then went out and a guy toasted me, does that mean he was the answer to my prayer? No! Unless God tells you that a certain guy is the one, there's no point making assumptions. Even if God tells you a person is your partner, there is still free will. When God speaks, we have to make the commitment to stay within that will. For example,the hubster is God's chosen for me but we both had to agree to even start the relationship. Even now that we are married, we have the free will to walk out of God's will by cheating or divorcing. God is a gentleman, he will never force a person into anything; even if it's for his own good.

You said:  So Inthe, I am afraid I will chase my own husband away when I cut off all ties.
 Don't Leave Me Alone
I'm just going to be blunt with you. How can a guy who wants you to break God's will BE God's will for you? I think you are more afraid of the state of pain you're in and the emptiness this guy has left you with. I feel for you; I've been there. I am also afraid for you! Afraid that you believe the lies the enemy is probably telling you! About how you'll never find better, than no one will love you the way this guy did and that you'll end up lonely and broken. If God is big enough to serve, he should be big enough to trust.

You said: I  feel so sad, to the point of tears when I just wouldn't hear anything from God on the issue.
 Listen to Heart
That's where you're wrong! He IS talking to you, you just have to listen for his voice. First and foremost he is reminding you how much he loves you ( John 3:16) and that he sees you. He wants you to know that even in your grief, he is near (Psalm 46:1) and will never  hide his face from you (Psalm 22:24). He wants you to know even if the world leaves, he will always be right by your side( Psalm 27:10)He wants you to be still and humble yourself underneath his will that he may exalt you in due season(1Pet5:6). His will for you will always be the best, exactly what you need to take you where you need to go (Jer 29:11).

I pray you consider taking this season to step back and remember why you chose sexual abstinence in the first place. Remember the things that made you love God so much you vowed to let  him rule and reign in your heart. No once is worth giving up your first love, the lover of your soul. 

You know where to find me.

Blessings
Inthe...

Got a Question for me? Please email me at Inthemidstofher@gmail.com.  All Questions are edited for privacy.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I recently watched pastor Bimbo Odkoya's sermon on "how to tell I'm in love" and a major part was Amos 3:3

"Can 2 walk together unless they are agreed?"

It seems like you and the guy aren't in agreement anymore. As for sharing your life with him, perhaps step back and share your life with God and your family. The guy is not your god. You can do without him, at least at this moment.

I pray that God guides you and helps you guard your heart .

Anonymous said...

To the one who asked the question, I want to start by saluting your courage and strength. I know you feel bummed and tired but you are strong and I salute that strength

I also salute your search for an answer, and for holding on to God while battling your feelings

Your struggle doesn't invalidate who you are or the fact that God truly loves you i.e. He wants what is good for you

Although I am not in the same situation, I am learning that God is enough in knowing that God gave me desires and He will help me address those

I completely agree with "InThe" on all that was said

Pray against that pull to stay connected and the thoughts with the Word...ask God for help and He will surely help you as you become willing to face him more. Ask him to help you navigate this season and to appropriately cater for these desires

Do not be afraid of the pain. Do not be afraid of cutting off the ties (Isa 41:10). God will help you. Drop the issue of getting a direction on the person, focus more on whatever God might be saying to you

Recall that God does not have love, He is love. You are cast in God's story and He will script out a beautiful story for you out of the pain & brokenness. He isn't deaf to your pain and He records your tears

Be strong and courageous, you will do well if you hold on to God

These scriptures have been a great help to me recently and they might be of help to you

Ps 145:14-20
Heb 10:23,35-39
Gal 6:7-9

Hang on to what you know is God's will. Try not to help him bring to pass what He has promised you

Look to how strong you will be built up after this experience. If you hang on to God, you can only ever come out better. Keep faith Sis

Belema said...

wow! Don't I just love you Inthe! I learnt something from this post about God's will and the importance of us to commit to sticking with it even if its His will for our lives. I am seeing a great guy now and God has taught me the importance of commitment through the relationship. I am always trying to run away with every small misunderstanding or arguments we have(which happens very occasionally)with the naïve mentality that if he is truly mine then God will preserve him for me and find a way to bring us back together later in future. but he on the other hand is stable and doesn't always threaten to leave or give up on the relationship Thank God for using you to bless me this evening! :) e-hugsandkisses

Kizzy Omo said...

Dear InThe, Happy new year.
You are sooo wise!!! I'm grateful to God for bestowing in you such wisdom that you share with us.
You response is so apt!
These lines got me " If God is big enough to serve, then He is big enough to trust"

In the midst of her said...

Anonymous1: Wise words.
Anonymous2: I love your words " Do not be afraid of the pain"
Belema: I love hugs!!
Kizzy:Thanks for the blog love.

@eloxie said...

Wow!!! Such wisdom. Fantastic response. God bless you dear In The. To the lovely sister that wrote in with this question, I speak calm into your Spirit. You know how the Bible says 'when Christ who is our life...', that's heavy. It means that Christ dictates our lives choices, or rather our commitment to Christ inspires our actions. We do not just go to church, we live Christ. Now, let's pass this situation through the word. Today He can no longer wait for marriage before sex irrespective of what God says. Tomorrow it may be something else like giving or tithing...something fundamental to your faith. Then stretch it, it may then also affect the values you both share now. He just doesn't hold them anymore either. Trust me, that's not a road you want take where to be aligned you are constantly negotiating what's right. Having Jesus at the centre solves that problem. It's a beautiful thing to have a man whose heart is sold out to God that He obeys God first. You can trust God to reach and convict him along the way. You can trust what He says as a priest over you because He is a son. Now I hope you can see what God's will for you looks like. This guy prevaricating between right and wrong 'no be am'. If he is having a crisis of faith, no wahala, step aside for God to sort Him out. But not on the altar of your joint disobedience. Trust God with your emotions and because they reside in your soul, like David spoke to his soul, you can tell them to SHUT UP. It will hurt less as the day goes by and because the path of the righteous gets brighter,you will receive the peace of God to confirm your decision. Wouldn't you rather obey God than man? I trust you will. That place of not having him to reach out to...It hurts but only in the short term. You will be fine. Choosing God always brings us peace. Much Love.

sayedero enytan said...

This got me so teary-eyed reading this

I applaud your strength! I love that sleeping with him isn't even an option!I bet the host of heaven is cheering you on!
I think you've heard God,you just haven't heard what you want him to tell you.
I pray God strengthens you,i know youll look back one day and be happy you let it go.God will bless you with someone after his heart

Inthe,do you think we shouldn't date guys that haven't made the decision to wait-before we meet them-I think its safer that way

Anonymous said...

Hi dear,i'm glad God helped you to speak out before taking a major direction.Gal, i think ur miracle is around the corner.when the Devil sees a very glorious thong ,he decides to send in a storm to prevent u from getting it.gal, don't fall for dat crap.if he doesn't want to wait.he can go on with his life.ur destiny is to great for someone who is here today, gone tomorrow to destroy.gal.personally i don't think that person is the right person for you.think about it yourself, will God send something to you that will turn you against him or hinder u from hearing him.the answer is No.can u remember in the bible where somehing close to this ocured.In the garden of eden.how eve was tempted to eat the fruit ,that led to the GREAT FALL,Gal, WAKE UP...!!!!.be in charge and don't sell out.this is a test for the real DEAL!!!.

Anonymous said...

Hi Poster,

I don't know if this will still be useful for you but I hope IntheMidst shares it with you- just in case

My heart felt warm when I read your post and I feel like hugging you because I have walked in your shoes and I know they hurt so bad. For me though, he was fine with not having sex but he wasn't Christian and I wasn't sure he was God's plan for me.

Like you, I had prayed a few months before meeting him and I got a message of who he was. I met the guy and I assumed him to be the person in the message.

Emotions have done very interesting things to me and it took me about 1.5 - 2years years to finally get over it all and to accept that God has other plans for me. I pray it doesn't take you that long to heal.

Some steps that helped me:

- I prayed about it over and over and over again; honestly and completely and told God exactly how I felt. I told him to direct me and help me so that the pain will go away. I was tired of hurting and crying over my ex
- I surrounded myself with people who love me. Don't talk to people who might put you down for it because it will only make you feel worse. Thank God for the blessing of good friends. So, if you have friends or family you can trust, I encourage you to talk to them. Ask them to pray with you and for you. My friends were not judgmental towards me and I was able to tell them exactly how I felt. sometimes, they would reply with a hug or make me leave the house to have a good time. God bless them and honestly, we all need each other.
- I sort counsel, which is what you are doing
- I reminded myself that God has great plans for me and maybe he wasn't part of those plans.
- I got closure
- I have moved on

I came to a place where I had to accept that our relationship was good but it was only for the time being. I have come to embrace all the good things that it came with and move on with them. Also, I had to accept that my ex was a good man, just not the man for me, and I am not the woman for him either, at least not right now. hopefully, you get to that place too. and don't stop praying, look for a support system too :)

May God strengthen you, heal your broken heart and direct you in the way that you should go. Amen

- all the best **HUGS**