Saturday, February 21, 2015

Sweeter than honey...

 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth but only such as is fit for building up...that it may give grace to those who hear it.
                                                                             ---Ephesians 4:29
 I learned to suture by practice; practice and encouragement from my superiors that I was doing a good job.  I remember once I was in the Emergency room on call ( pulling a 24hr shift), a young white girl came in with plastic bags tied to her hand and the bags were dripping blood. 
the suture will be bright
After we took the bags off, I noticed she had cuts the whole length of both arms. It turns out she was a "cutter", someone who periodically cut themselves to relieve stress, pain or other emotions. I volunteered to suture her up and it took me about 2 hours to finish the job. After I was done, I nervously called my attending physician (Oga on top) to come check it out. He came in, glanced at it and said one word "Perfect" and left the room. Even my patient said I had done an excellent job and was one of the sweetest physicians she had ever met. I was over the moon and my confidence went off the charts. One word, one look had made my night.

Proverbs 16:24: Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy to the body.

  It's amazing how the simplest of words can make or break a situation. As a married woman, I've  been taught there is a consequence for every action and when your spouse hurts, you ultimately hurt as well. I have seen and lived with the consequences of my  harsh words to the hubster and after repentance, I have learned to use my words to benefit my home rather than break it down.

10 Simple Truths to Understand About Relationships

My words can strengthen the bonds  between my husband and I just as quickly as they break them down so I've decided to use them as ammunition; cupid arrows of a sort and trust me they hit the target every time. You want to know what's in my arsenal? Big guns like "You're right" "I trust you" "I believe in you" "That's a great idea" "I stand by your decision" "You are so wise" "Thank you" "You're so helpful". Mehn, after the smoke from these bombs clear, you should see the look on my baby daddy's face. Actions also count! For example, If I'm watching a show on TV and he walks into the living room, you know what I do? I give him the remote control. Wait, wait, I hear you ladies saying ...but what about the show you're watching naw...Guess what 9.999 time out of 10, the hubster will say "Thanks love but I'm fine watching this with you."  The 0.001 times he'll change it will be to check the scores of a game he wants to watch and he will only change the channel when my show is on commercials.  To be honest, it's all manipulation. The mere fact that I offered to sacrifice my show for his pleasure endears me to him all the more and prevents him from wanting to change the channel.

Proverbs 14:1: The wise woman builds her home...
I am also not quick to point out faults either.  If the hubster surprises me with roses (fyi: I HATE roses);  I don't point it out immediately and instead gush over them. Wait inthe... you are lying then, you hate the roses. True but I am not gushing over flowers but the act of him getting me the flowers. Obviously he was thinking of me through his busy day and thought enough to surprise me with them.  Then later on, I'll find a sweet way of slipping in how much I hate roses and let him know what my favorite flowers are.
Sarah's Boyfriend Shoot 09
  This is not one sided... He does the same to me! At times when my cooking adventures go horribly wrong, he wont let me know. As a matter of fact, he'll still clear his plate and even ask for more. A week or so later, he'll casually mention how horrible that meal was and we would both laugh over it. When I remember how he still ate the meal, despite hating it, it just makes me love him all the more. I guess its all about being two faced. The point is this; Men are created not born and from the way we raise our sons to the way we treat our husbands; we women play a huge role in the development of manhood. Constant abuse and disrespect breaks them down and might lead to them questioning their own manhood and abilities.   When you give your man the encouragement and confidence to walk the path of leadership within the home you eat the fruits of it big time.

...Musings from atop the potter's wheel.


Cassandra Ikegbune said...

*jots down*

I'll be honest, I'm really working on improving myself and being better to my significant other.
I guess I use bad words that can break him down every now and then especially when I'm angry even if I don't mean it but he never does the same!
I'm making extra efforts now though because I know first hand how terrible even the slightest comment can break someopn's confidence

Thank you inthe!

Anonymous said...

Thru our words we r creating d future we desire. I am so careful to choose my words. If I create a monster I'll have to live with him. To keep calling a man names....when he turns into that identify, who do I blame? A friend kept prophesying on her bf "I know u will cheat on me 1 day" Finally, it happened n she said, I told u.
Me, I tell my husb he will go cold at d sight of any temptress. Hehehe. He is d kindest, most generous, n helpful hubby. So say I. So it is
Dr. N

Akibo Tomilola said...

Wise words! and I saw your tweet after about your hubster reading your blog.. Lool.

I am quiet passive but I should learn to deliberately say/do these things. Thanks for sharing.

dnddyon said...

These are right words!

In the midst of her said...

Cassie: Girl! Me and you both. Harsh words used to be my first line of defense but I have been delivered! God bless you.

My doc: Yes ooh, we have to live with whatever we create.

Tomi:You have to speak. being Passive is the other end of the spectrum and can be detrimental as well.

Dnddyon: Praise God girlfriend!

Anonymous said...

This post is so perfectly timed to me. Thank you Inthe. Just on Friday, I realized that my words to a friend was really harsh. To me, I was just experiencing how I felt about the situation (at the time) but after the situation passed, I felt so bad with myself for been so harsh. I kept apologizing..
Then I realized that it was something that I unconsciously did often in the name of 'experiencing myself'. Well, now I have decided to let only kind words proceed from my mouth. From the post, I have learnt that when i really need to caution I should give it some time and later say it casually instead of saying it at the heat of the moment.
My comment seems longgg (#facepalm). Thank you so much for writing Inthe..God bless you and your family

In the midst of her said...

Funmi:I know exactly what you mean. I have used that same justification to "blow out" but when the smoke clears, the aftermath is destruction.


I definitely liked this very much! I am still working on it though. Woman of great wisdom! Thanks for sharing and PLEASE share more!


Mitchell said...

oh make me wanna get married! Lool. I want to be in love and marry and all that. ok not right now. But let me tell you. you and your blog are the reasons I'm no longer as scared or as averse to marriage as I once was. I have not exactly seen good examples around me. but thank God I found your blog. God bless you and your family. PS: I like that you've started blogging about your personal experiences again. not just the dear inthe letters. though they were of course helpful. ok I'll sign off now Lool. Mitchell

In the midst of her said...

Mitchell....AWWWWWHHHH! Thanks for the blog love. Dont knock the `Dear Inthe...`section oooh lol.

Camba:Absolutely!!!!! by his grace.

Anonymous said...

When I read this scenario, ".....If I'm watching a show on TV and he walks into the living room, you know what I do? I give him the remote control. Wait, wait, I hear you ladies saying ...but what about the show you're watching naw...Guess what 9.999 time out of 10, the hubster will say "Thanks love but I'm fine watching this with you." The 0.001 times he'll change it will be to check the scores of a game he wants..." all that came out of my mouth was AWW and I will tell you Inthe, you are a very wise woman, no more to add to that, God bless you.