Saturday, June 20, 2015

5 tips to surviving...A long distance relationship.

 This week, lets talk about long distance relationships; something the hubster and I had to walk through.  We had seen it work against so many, we had to learn how to make it work for us.

Ready? Let's go!


Long distance relationships are not for everyone but if you find yourself in one and are determined to make it work, these tips are for you.

1)Recognize that you are in a relationship
One of the biggest  mistakes people make is forgetting they are in real relationships regardless of the fact that boo is not physically around. Yes, he cant pick you up for dinner or take you to the mall or even be around for your birthday but he still deserves the respect a "physically present" man does. Him being afar doesn't mean less work on your part but actually more because LDRs (Long distance relationships) require more effort in sustaining. We're talking constant calls, visits and creative ways of " being there" without actually being there.

2)Create, nurture and foster intimacy
  This one really helped the hubster and I survive our own LDR. We tried making intimacy a priority in all we did. (Slow your roll; did you notice I said intimacy and not sensuality? Ok, good. Let's continue.)  I remember early in our relationship, the hubster and I bought these cool wrist bands that we wore 24/7.
 "With freedom, books, flowers and moon, who could not be happy?"

At every visit, we would exchange our bands; he would take mine and I would take his. Lol.. I remember times just feeling that band on my wrist giving me comfort. As we got deeper in our relationship, we found other ways of building intimacy. We took it in layers; with each hurdle we jumped and more settled we became in our decision to spend forever together, we allowed ourselves the joy of getting "closer".

           ...the good, bad but especially the ugly
Yes! Speak up! Bring your man into your life. Share your thoughts, joys but especially frustrations. There were times I was so lonely and just being able to share it with the hubster made it easier. Share your day, the funny incident at work/school, what you had for lunch...share it all.

The hubster and I asked talked about upcoming tests, reminded the other about appointments etc. it just makes you feel you are a concrete part of their everyday. 

4)Be able to stand 
Rule of life 7474848, the day you decide to go into a LDR, about 500 guys will all of a sudden come out the wood work looking for you. Yes, they will come noticing you or at worst, you noticing them. Yes, fine...fine.. brothers that were nowhere to be found when you were single. My dears, It's a rule of life. This is the point where you have to swallow your saliva and keep it moving. Stand for your relationship and remind yourself every reason why you went into it in the first place. Yes, life would be much easier with a man around the corner but does this proximity make the new toaster better than the gem you have long distance?Absolutely not!  In general you have to be able to defend your relationship against all attacks. Can you stand toasters, lonely times, absent boos? People might encourage you to end your relationship when more saturday nights find you at home than with him but remember what you have and what you did to get it. 

5)Squash the distance
    As soon and as frequently as possible. I've mentioned before that the hubs and I were students when we met; let me rephrase that, hustling students and being in a LDR made me wise up kia kia to how expensive things could be. One thing I've learned; distance could either make your heart grow fonder of each other or being out of sight made you out of mind.


We saw each other just enough to miss each other the more and we continually voiced our desires to be permanently in proximity.  While chicks were getting "prada'd out"  my one splurge was seeing my man! I became a professional flight finder. I knew where to find the cheapest tickets and airlines. Even if just for the weekend, I had to see my man.  Just thinking of all the 2am flights and going straight from hospital to airport and airport straight to hospital still cracks me up. But when I came back ooh, I was good and satisfied till the next time I got to see him. All those blokes in tip #4 were invisible to me. 

There you have it! 5 tips I hope will help you survive a Long distance relationship. My in-laws just left and I'm thinking about doing a 5tips2 on the in laws. We'll see sha! 

For which of you...doesn't first sit down and count the cost wether you have enough to complete it.  (Luke 14:28)


Tamie said...

Girl!! No 4! Truth! Haha!
Am currently in one now, and it's really more work than when one is with someone they see daily.

1 + The One said...

Nice one.. I wish I had these tips when I was in a long distance relationship. It's not easy at all but like you said, it can definitely work! :-)

I hope I get to meet you and hubster one day, your story sounds too cute!! (picturing you in my head running through airports lol) xxx

@ImpurfectHer said...

Now that cheating and the urge to cheat is on the rise, I don't know if I can do LDRS, but as the Spirit leads sha.
Btw, this post should be sent to every guy, or as many guys as possible so they can learn from it. Thanks Inthe, God bless you.

Anonymous said...

Such a good sense of humour!
But really, sometimes, I wonder (like now that I'm single), "where are all the great single guys... better come now or never" lol

In the midst of her said...

Tamie: It always happens! Thanks for the blog love!

1+: Awwwh I would love that! I might be wearing a hijab though lol #Anonymous As always, thanks for stopping by.

Impurfecther: Who cares what the world does? the question is can you be faithful? If you can, your man is ourt there waiting for you. Thanks for stopping by!

Anony#1: they are out there...looking for you. Lol. Thanks for commenting.

Anonymous said...

All points , very true.I used to be in a LDR and all points worked for me.It was part of my life that can never fade though it didn't work out, I do ask God why then and even now when memories stored in my heart brings out its beautiful head but like my belief then and still now, God knows best!

LDR is no beans at all but to God be the glory.I have been glued to you blog ma'am and I will say you are doing a great job.
I love your bluntness and I agree with myself, this is where to be.
Love you always and God bless.