Thursday, July 02, 2015

Dear Inthe... Oral Sex.

First, I would like to appreciate your blog articles. Its direct and from your responses to questions I believe you really do have the holy spirit.My question to you is a very uncomfortable one and I do hope you would respond to it. I've been married for some years now and I'm happy to say our family is definitely one of God. 


 There's this question in my mind about oral sex, is it okay for Christians? I know it's a very controversial topic. I've heard a couple of people say it's wrong even though they have no reason to back it up... I've also heard some say as long as it's not medically wrong, couples should pleasure each other in every way ( sorry if graphic  ). It's really a topic most Christians don't like to get into. I'm personally not for or against it, I just don't want to do it if it's a sin. So from a christian and medical point of view. What do you think? *
Seriously seeking
*Edited for brevity and clarity 

Hey Seriously seeking
Thank you so much for writing in and your blessings, it truly warms my heart. You bring up a great question, one I know a lot of Christians struggle with. Oral sex, yay or nay? Forbidden or approved? While I do not have all the answers; I can escort you to someone who does.

Let's see what God says about it. 

 Marriage should be honored among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled...(Heb 13:4)
This scripture is one frequently quoted by Christians when asked about sexual situations within marriage. I have heard people define "defilement" as everything from going beyond certain sexual positions to oral sex.  To figure out defilement, all we have to do is finish the bible verse
"...for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."

You know those days when you wanted to choose to not get out of bed and get lost in your head again.

Why would God judge these people if they did not engage in situations that defiled the marriage bed. To figure out what is allowed vs forbidden in the bible, all you have to do is ask "is it sexually immoral or adulterous"

Plain and simple. 

From biblical stand points, things that defile the bed are homosexuality, bestiality, rape ( Yes, a husband can rape his wife) pornography etc. I've actually seen ads for "Christian Porn"; couples who "love" the Lord having sex on film in order to teach you how to do it...nah, the devil is trying to act like an angel of light again. Remember what I've told you, sex isn't rocket science.

What about your question of oral sex? Does it fall into the defilement category? 

Let's go back to God's word and find out...

Prov 5:19...A lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

First of all regardless of what ANYONE says. Sex is a beautiful thing created by our most generous God. Not only is it for procreation, it is also for mere pleasure. God wants us to find total physical ( not spiritual) satisfaction in our spouses. Look at the language he uses; we are to be intoxicated... Drunk... Or as I like to say, "Jacked up and utterly wrecked!" LoL! but for the marriage bed to be pure, there has to be love, joy, peace, goodness and mutual consent. 


If your husband wants oral sex and you want to delight him in such a way, GO FOR IT! He's your husband!!! Delight in him and he in you. It is actually within your right to decline but if you do, let it not be out of fear of sin or displeasing God because those are lies of the devil.  Think about it. How is it "biblical"  for certain parts of the body to be acceptable but others shunned? Is God saying " Yes, touch this and that but absolutely don't go there?"

God says... 
Prob 3:27. Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.

So have peace in your heart...

Love and intimacy

If you have more questions, you know where to find me. 

Sidenote to my readers...

Now I also have it heavy on my heart to mention this. A lot of us have gone through traumatic childhoods. For some, sex was treated as a sin and for others there is an element of rape or sexual abuse in their past. 
Some women would like to please their husbands sexually but find it difficult  due to unresolved issues. They might even believe they are sinning. That is another lie of the enemy. Struggling with sexual issues is never a sin before God.  Share your heart with your husband, tell him your fears and insecurities. A struggle shared is half solved. Empowered by God you can start anew and life a life richly fulfilled in all aspects. 


Naa Oyoe Quartey said...

In the midst of her....Hmmm thanks a lot for clarifying..I'm actually not married but the topic came up while in a conversation with a married friend. According to her husband (who she says is a prophet), oral sex is a sin and he said that we shouldn't use the mouth we use in praising God to perform such a 'dirty' act. I didn't say anything about it but you have made a point (with quotations backing it) :). She needs to read
Stay Blessed and I pray for more wisdom and fresh anointing on your life and that of your household everyday. Amen

Anonymous said...

Beautiful.. More grace

Anonymous said...

loool.the first comment is so funny!
love this post

Tamie said...

Very interesting. As always, I love how you always go back to the word to answer your letters. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

My sister u really dissected it. Def referring ppl to read it.
As for me, if u do for me i do for u....clears throat. God no go vex. Lol
The guy who says we use d same mouth to praise God doesnt he use his mouth on other less offensive parts of his wife's body????. Hian!
Dr. N

1 + The One said...

*sigh* I loveeee you InThe.. I am the no 1 fan of your blog (I don't care who thinks they are lol).. I'm a groupie :-D
I couldn't wait to settle and read your post and it was certainly worth it! Like Tamie said, thank you for always referring to the scripture as the foundation of your posts.

Like the first person who commented said, I am not married but this topic has come up in discussions a number of times. Thank you for throwing more light and answering in such a simple way to be easily understandable.

I love the line - the devil trying to be like the angel of light again... nice one!

God bless you InThe.. Always a pleasure to read your posts! xxxxxx

Naija Girl Abroad said...

There's so much wisdom in this post! *taking notes*

In the midst of her said...

Naa: thank you! Actually science proves that our mouths are pretty dirty too lol. It's not by force to do it but don't call God into a lie because you dont want to.

Anony#1: thank you!!!

Anony#2: thank you. That comment was crazy lol.

Tamie:Hey girlfriend! Thanks for the blog love

My Doc: lol!!!@ God no go vex.

1+.....I love you too girlfriend

Naija girl:Welcome to my blog! Thanks for the blog love!!!!


beautiful know as I was opening the post, in was expecting the usual condemnation. Am glad you made it clear. If my man wants to be satisfied and it pleases me too, why not??It just funny that some of us Christians do not know that the devil does no use the sins we are aware of to destroy our life's but the ones we are ignorant about.

God bless you again.

keep up the good work.

@ImpurfectHer said...

Um... I am speechless tho, thank you so much for this, I am single, but it's good to be informed on the matter, so I can have good points in the case of an argument. :D

Anonymous said...

Hi, inthe... Great post... God bless you.
Please don't stop tagging me on twitter, @dnddyon (:you actually stopped. I merely stumbled on this post), God bless you...

In the midst of her said...

My Mobile doc: Gbam! absolutely! Thanks for stopping by.

Impurfecther: Lol..put it in your back pocket for later.

Dnddyon: Ha! No vex ooh.I havent "seen" you on twitter in a while. God bless you too missy!

Adaezenwa said...

I just want to hug you for this post! Funny thing is I want to hug you because of the point you raised on "Christian porn". Porn no matter how you dress it up is still porn!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you on the whole oral sex issue; I have never really understood why people think it is a sin.

- Abi

Ajifolawe Bello said...

Great piece. AS I was reading with the quotes I expected to see something else. Keep the good work