Sunday, September 27, 2015

Dear Inthe...Is he gone?

Thank you guys for all the well wishes, they are much appreciated. Let's kick of things with a "Dear Inthe..." Q.

Dear Inthe,
Let me summarize as much as I can, I have this sec sch mate I became friends with last yr(we never spoke in sch) so I found out we had so much in common and all that, so he told me he liked me n me for lack of a single drop of patience said I liked him too . See me thinking this guy would make a move but he didn't and that was that, I became so uncomfortable and avoided him though he tried 'pinging' me sha...pings ruin everything, no calls these days. So this year we reconnected again after several months and that was how we ended up attending a wedding together like 2 weeks ago. This guy's eyes were on me throughout and he kept on making remarks like 'see my Boo, give this gift to your dad as part of bride price payment, we are next in line e.t.c' to people, even went as far as begging me to spend the night so we could talk, went as bold as touching my stomach sef, held my hands, looking into my eyes and all mushy stuff o, so me I was now feeling him again!

He's my man

I should have gone home to pray or ignore him or so but I needed to know what his deal was, so I wanted to send our mutual friend to him to ask him in coded terms o but before I could finish saying a word dis my friend pinged him asked if he was single,asked if he would woo me n concluded with 'don't let a good girl go' ahhhh I wanted to faint. She told him I am unaware of what she said to him but mehn if dat guy is as smart as I think he is he would smell my finger print all over. The issue is he told her dat he liked me 'but not like that' hmmmm, I have tried to cry but tears no gree come .I feel so shattered especially since I hardly feel people and this 1 I felt. I was sure this was ridiculous of me. So I guess there is no hope or is there, I really felt this was it, I could have patiently pulled a Ruth and now I am just empty handed, I logged off social media for a few days to just think and re-strategize and forget him, so I have been praying, reading books, focusing on work and reading your blog. Inthe is there still hope with this guy or should I just go cold turkey and completely cut him off??!


Broken hearted Girl

Dear Brokenhearted

Wow! Thank you so much for greater than you know that I love hearing from you. This is a judgment free zone and every word I say is infused with love. As always I asked God for the wisdom to speak to you in his words and not mine; as always more of him and less of me.

Girlfriend you know I’m going to speak to you like a sister. I am going to be so blunt with you because I feel if you took the time out to sit down and write to me you must want to truth straight and no sugar coating. This guy has absolutely no plans or desires to be related to you in the way you want. Now one of either 2 things just happened; you have completely misconstrued this situation and successfully turned a friendship into something more than it is or you have fallen prey to a guy who just likes to play around.

Lets look at each situation separately

Part 1: After reconnecting, he mentioned he liked you and you told him you felt the same and then…Nothing!

Rainy Day Couple

I am assuming you meant he did nothing to advance your relationship beyond friendship? Now I know a lot of people will have beef with this but a CHRISTIAN man would not tell you he likes you just for saying sake. He won’t “…awaken love until the time is right.( SoS 8:4) Come on! That’s 1Tim3 lesson 101. What was his point in telling you? Just to inform you? And when you walked away, he was just pinging away, no calls/text etc? I would have walked away too. Men do hard things! That was his opportunity to step up again IF he wanted to. Obviously he didn’t.

Part 2: You meet up again at a wedding and he’s flirting like Crazy. You send Sis Amebo (kidding) to sniff around and she just blows the whole thing up for you.

Am I right to assume, he didn’t bring up the past or why you went silent or anything like that?

Permanent Heartbreak [explored!]

So his answer was that he likes you but not like that. After the whole wifey, bride price, touching you etc? It could be he was kidding and just flirting his head off but even with that said, I don’t like flirts, especially a man who takes no caution with the fact that you previously told him you liked him. He probably wanted to see if you were still “feeling him” and you my dear completely fell into that trap. Why did you need to send a friend to go feel him out? That just made him extra confident in the fact that he got you all tripping over him. You failed to “watch over your heart with all diligence (Pro 4:23) and now you’re dealing with feelings that aren’t being reciprocated and you have to find a way to deal with ALONE. Pulling a Ruth wouldn’t have helped. It’s to find out if a man of God is feeling you. This guy (don’t know if he’s saved, you never mentioned) has already told you that he “likes you” but then “not like that”. He sounds pretty doubleminded.

So you are asking what to do? Go home, eat a tub of ice cream, cry, watch some movies, pray, cry some more and eat more food. Do WHATEVER you need to do to get this guy out of your mind because it seems he is more into games than anything else.

too sad to cry

You do not need a man who just wants to play with your emotions. You don’t have the time or emotional strength to put your heart on the line like that. You deserve so much more. You deserve a man who knows he wants you and has a plan to get you; not just say the words and then back out. I wrote of a similar situation here, please check it out.

I am always here for you Missy




Abi Tobi said...

amen to your reply!

Tobilola said...

Dear other, your answer is everything. He is basically playing games
Ladies guard your heart with all diligence. Ruth sef definitely didn't focus on anything but God and helping her mother in law. And God blessed her with a good man.

D said...

Don't eat a tub of ice cream for anyone, just be happy you won't be dating someone who sends mixed signals. It's better you know now right? Abeg don't get fat for anyone lol