Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Dear inthe...I'm through with this marriage.

Dear Inthe,
I read some messages on hubby's phone and realized he's been trawling about for a relationship with females on his contact list.I have confronted him but he vehemently denies it,the issue here is that i am thinking of leaving him because I cant stand the thought of sharing my husband with a strange woman; the thought of it makes me physically ill.

Breakup emotional counseling

Some time ago i found lots of condoms in his car and I asked him the purpose of them cos we do not use them. After our fight he has moved his things into our spare room with the excuse that he doesnt want it to be empty. I feel so rejected and I have told him that I am not happy in the marriage; only for him to say if i'm tired I can pack my things and leave. Right now, I dont know what to do because I can’t continue like this!I cry myself to sleep everyday. I have thoughts of reporting him to his reverend father because he goes to church everyday without fail.  What am i to do?

Heart Broken

Hey HB,

I can’t even imagine what you are going through; my heart goes out to you. As always, I invite God into this conversation and may his words be spoken. HB, your email brings up so many questions. All that is happening does not sound like it just happened overnight. How long as this been happening and what triggered it? Can you pinpoint a certain situation and is there a possibility he is angry about an unresolved issue? Also besides the condoms, do you have concrete proof that he has been sexually or emotionally unfaithful to you? Has he always been like this or infidelity is just a new occurrence?

No woman no cry ...

Whether to leave or to stay… I think the first thing you need to do is figure out what you want to do. This will steer you in the right direction. Are you willing to fight for your marriage; as in, go into battle for it? If not, nothing I say will make a difference when your mind is already made up. I know your husband is acting like he’s through, but you still have to ask yourself if that’s what you want as well.

If you DON’T want to stay, I know adultery is a biblically accepted reason for divorce but you need to be sure in yourself and with some strong proof that it occurred; I only say this because you want to be 100% in the right with these kinds of sensitive matters.  If you chose to leave, you want to leave with freedom of any spiritual ties and the peace of God in your heart.

while i regret, ever making you a part of my life

IF you DO still want to try and work this out, then you need to prayerfully try and bring things out in the open with your hubby and have a calm but blunt discussion about how you’re feeling. If he is not being responsive, then it might be time to bring someone else, someone he respects, into the conversation. I know you said he sees a Rev father daily; but does he trust and respect him? Would your husband feel comfortable opening his heart up in front of this guy? If not, don’t bring him in, you want someone who will make your hubby talk, not shut him up or make him too shy to speak. Why bring someone else into this issue? You need someone who will make your hubby spill his guts, speak from the truth of his heart and this truth will be the arrow that points the direction you need to go. Besides the Rev, another option might be your mother/Father in law or siblings (dependent on your relationship with them and if they will be able to be objective). The point of that conversation would be trying to find out what exactly Is going on in your husband’s mind, if there is any chance of reconciliation and if so, what changes will need to be made on BOTH sides. I think talking might help because your husband’s words might be a true gauge of where his heart is. He might reveal something that has been bothering him or a “perceived” wrong you’ve done and talking might help work it out OR he might just tell you that he is really done and not willing to work on this marriage again and this might be the last push you need to leave him.

Drink to that...

I know this is hard, but your value comes from God, not what one persona or another says/does to you. Gold is still gold regardless of what the world calls it and you are still the apple of your father’s eye.

In all you do please keep praying and let the Lord lead you.

I wish you more happiness than your heart can hold and more peace that you could ever desire.

Feel free to contact me ANYTIME.




Akibo Tomilola said...

Wow! This is a very hard place to be and my heart goes out to this person. I pray the Lord will give you the strength you need in this time. Like inthe said, I don't think it will be wise to make decisions based on assumptions. Talk to him and also the advice on who to bring into the discussion when it's beyond you. It has to be someone he respects absolutely or else it's going to be a futile effort. Above anything anyone has to say is God's leading. I pray HE continues to guide you and lead you in the right path at this time.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to HB.
I am not married yet,however I've worked with couples going through divorces numerous times. Couples with and without kids. My dear, it's not easy!...The anger, hurt and disappointment they go through is better imagined. Some of them come out happier on the other side, but once kids are involved, it's a different ball game entirely. The emotional impact is not fun too, I've seen it.
What am I trying to say? Please think seriously about a divorce before you start the process. I'm not trying to sway you to stay, but just to get you to think about the impact of a divorce during the pendency of the divorce and possibly the aftermath if you have children.

I'll pray for you HB, the Lord be with you and grant you peace in this season.

phebe said...

Dear Inthe...
I know ure on babes redefined (I hope u haven't left) you're a great counsellor, and u can help by jus posting the link to ur blog where u AV similar advice to an issue. Thanxxxxxx

In the midst of her said...

Tomi: Amen! Great advice sis.

Anonymous: Absolutely! Great advice

Phebe: BabesPhebe! Yes I am on babes redefined. I will try to post my links more often. I also have a facebook page where I post my links.