Sunday, February 28, 2016

The Battlefield of Attraction....

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid; when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day...daddies never crumble in a day....Families never crumble in a day
                                       - Casting Crowns (Slow Fade) 

A little while back, I was talking to a dear guy friend of mine (Shout outs to Enyan mi!) who is currently pursuing this girl. He's a man of honor and really wants to do the whole "love" thing the right way. As he's seeking this girl's heart, he confided in me that the girl has a friend who is unconsciously piquing his interest as well.  Even though his sights are on the girl, there are one or two things about the girl's friend that grabs his attention as well.  As we were gisting about his situation, I shared what I felt might help. In the process, I also shared my story.....

As a doctor, I can go from " Hi, My name is Dr. Inthe.. to " please take off your clothes" in a matter of minutes. Quite a delicate situation to be in right? A while back, I had a patient, a male, who came in for something routine. We were talking and discussing the treatment plan when I realized something...there was something about him I found extremely attractive. For the sake of transparency, I did not see him naked and I can say in all honesty, it wasn't like I wanted to sleep with him, but I knew if I was single, and he asked me out, I would probably say yes.


As a woman, there are things you found attractive in your mate; so what do you do if you find the same things in a person who isn't your mate? The truth of the matter is that goodness, beauty, loyalty, spirituaity and all the other things that drew you to your mate is not copy written to him; he doesn't own it. If you look far and wide enough, you'll find the same traits in another person.

 So I did what I had to do; I told the hubster. I didn't wait till i was home ooh, as I finished work for the day and jumped into my car, I spoke to him on the phone.

"Babes, I saw this guy today, he had x and y, I thought he was very attractive."

Lets pause for a while....

Now a lot of women are screaming "You told him? You told your husband you found another guy attractive?'

Yup! I did! Why? Because the mind and heart are the jump off points for everything you do. Have you ever woken up in another state without knowing how you got there? Nope! You plan everything you do in your mind and heart before undertaking it. If  I was to step out on the hubster, it would start in my mind and heart and I was NOT giving the devil any leeway. There will always be forbidden fruit, the question is what do you do with it?

taste of forbidden fruit.

Wanna know something else? The hubster tells me stuff too.

A little while back, this single attractive chick co-worker invited him  to work out together. Hubster said she is georgous as in... even the chicks at work comment on how fine she is.  So she wants to go "sweat" with my man abi?  Hubster politely declined  but made it a point to tell me, especially how attractive she was.

The Forbidden 

Did I go crazy? Did I flip out. Nope! I was grateful. Grateful that he had taken that forbidden apple and thrown it far away. Sometimes we think we are indestructible.  We wanna touch the  forbidden apple, smell it,  and even lick it while swearing we will never take a bite.  Like the song "Slow fade" by casting crown; everything is a slow and gradual fade. You dont just drop into sin, sometimes you slip and slide into it.  By bringing attraction to the table, the hubster and I are sticking to a plan we adopted early in our marriage.  If either of us even felt  someone was hot enough for us to like, we would tell the other person kia kia. From there, we would move into the battle zone and protect what we have.

So what did the hubster say about this my guy patient?

Hubster: So you felt his X and Y was attractive?
Me: Yes, you know how i feel about it.
...... (personal yarns)
......(personal yarns)

Two minutes later, we were laughing. He stayed on the phone with me till I got home and we talked it out. Funny enough, the burden I had felt all day was lifted. No stress, no drama! No slow fades!

...Musings from atop the potter's wheel....


TheRustGeek said...

Sounds like a really great policy to borrow/ use..

Gloire said...

Thank you, Dear Inthe.
I especially like this:"There will always be forbidden fruit, the question is what do you do with it?"

SoldtoChrist said...

Very wise approach you two got going.
I think that only the most secure and unselfish married people can try this.
Some people would be unable to mask their jealousy and anxiety therefore making the other party to close up. Others may use it as a point of insult during a disagreement.
So kudos to you and your hubby for being able to understand that it's possible to find others attractive and not act on it.

SoldtoChrist said...

Really wise policy you two got going there.
So many married people will be unable to be that open and transparent, and be secure in the knowledge that they won't be called names by their partner or it be used against them in a disagreement.
Most people fail to realize that it's possible to be attracted to other people, and keeping mute about such attraction is dangerous.

Anonymous said...

I wish I knew this earlier.
made a horrible mistake few weeks ago and I am just getting to build up myself again. Even when we receive forgivness, some scars will not leave.
nothing like been opened to your spouse, it saves you from danger and long stories.

Anonymous said...

What I love the most is the the selflessness that can only be Spirit enabled that you are espousing. I love the vulnerability you both show and grace to the other, knowing that this long life practice/discipline called marriage is more about glorifying God by portraying him in your relationships. And as you both are displaying Christ, it is glorifying to God

As a gbeborun, what did you tell the dude that asked you about his straying

In the midst of her said...

RustGeek: Thanks for reading! If a marriage can handle it, why not?

Gloire: Thanks for reading! Yup, that pesky forbidden fruit will always be in or face; may we have the grace to look away!

SoldtoChrist: I absolutely agree! This plan is not for EVERY marriage! It absolutely depends on if your partner can handle it. Thanks for reading.

Anony1: Thanks for reading. There is ALWAYS grace to get back up again. May you find comfort in your time of need. Amen!

Anony2: Lol.... Thanks for reading. I told this bro of mine to "stay in his own lane" and face the one he's going to be with. Less distractions,more the focus. He's pretty smart, I know he'll do the right thing.

Anonymous said...

Inthe there's a typo in the title of this blog

In the midst of her said...

Anony 3: God bless your eagle Eyes!!!

Anonymous said...

Dear Inthe,

Thanks for this post. Here's my question, you mentioned you both move into "battle zone"..Can you elaborate on that please? Is the battle zone talking about it only or also praying about it?

Anonymous said...

This is so me.It helped me in my relationship and I can testify it was the best feeling ever.
Free from guilt and trying to cover up tracks.

It's my first time here and I'm glad I did come here, nice one In the, surely I will be very much around here.

Vivian Gist said...

“Great” “and” “Amazing” “photos” “i” “love” “that” - “that's why i” “always” “like” “visiting”your“blog”


Love the openness you share with your husband. Sin thrives in secrecy; it takes courage to be vulnerable and open up like you did, it is certainly a principle worth emulating!
Damiloves - masks