It's a slow fade when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid; when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day...daddies never crumble in a day....Families never crumble in a day
- Casting Crowns (Slow Fade)
A little while back, I was talking to a dear guy friend of mine (Shout outs to Enyan mi!) who is currently pursuing this girl. He's a man of honor and really wants to do the whole "love" thing the right way. As he's seeking this girl's heart, he confided in me that the girl has a friend who is unconsciously piquing his interest as well. Even though his sights are on the girl, there are one or two things about the girl's friend that grabs his attention as well. As we were gisting about his situation, I shared what I felt might help. In the process, I also shared my story.....
As a doctor, I can go from " Hi, My name is Dr. Inthe.. to " please take off your clothes" in a matter of minutes. Quite a delicate situation to be in right? A while back, I had a patient, a male, who came in for something routine. We were talking and discussing the treatment plan when I realized something...there was something about him I found extremely attractive. For the sake of transparency, I did not see him naked and I can say in all honesty, it wasn't like I wanted to sleep with him, but I knew if I was single, and he asked me out, I would probably say yes.
As a woman, there are things you found attractive in your mate; so what do you do if you find the same things in a person who isn't your mate? The truth of the matter is that goodness, beauty, loyalty, spirituaity and all the other things that drew you to your mate is not copy written to him; he doesn't own it. If you look far and wide enough, you'll find the same traits in another person.
So I did what I had to do; I told the hubster. I didn't wait till i was home ooh, as I finished work for the day and jumped into my car, I spoke to him on the phone.
"Babes, I saw this guy today, he had x and y, I thought he was very attractive."
Lets pause for a while....
Now a lot of women are screaming "You told him? You told your husband you found another guy attractive?'
Yup! I did! Why? Because the mind and heart are the jump off points for everything you do. Have you ever woken up in another state without knowing how you got there? Nope! You plan everything you do in your mind and heart before undertaking it. If I was to step out on the hubster, it would start in my mind and heart and I was NOT giving the devil any leeway. There will always be forbidden fruit, the question is what do you do with it?
Wanna know something else? The hubster tells me stuff too.
A little while back, this single attractive chick co-worker invited him to work out together. Hubster said she is georgous as in... even the chicks at work comment on how fine she is. So she wants to go "sweat" with my man abi? Hubster politely declined but made it a point to tell me, especially how attractive she was.
Did I go crazy? Did I flip out. Nope! I was grateful. Grateful that he had taken that forbidden apple and thrown it far away. Sometimes we think we are indestructible. We wanna touch the forbidden apple, smell it, and even lick it while swearing we will never take a bite. Like the song "Slow fade" by casting crown; everything is a slow and gradual fade. You dont just drop into sin, sometimes you slip and slide into it. By bringing attraction to the table, the hubster and I are sticking to a plan we adopted early in our marriage. If either of us even felt someone was hot enough for us to like, we would tell the other person kia kia. From there, we would move into the battle zone and protect what we have.
So what did the hubster say about this my guy patient?
Hubster: So you felt his X and Y was attractive?
Me: Yes, you know how i feel about it.
...... (personal yarns)
Two minutes later, we were laughing. He stayed on the phone with me till I got home and we talked it out. Funny enough, the burden I had felt all day was lifted. No stress, no drama! No slow fades!
...Musings from atop the potter's wheel....