Friday, November 01, 2019

Dear Inthe...He No Longer Wants Me.



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Dear Inthe,
A little while back, I met a guy while studying abroad. After my course, I decided to not to go back home but to apply for a master's program (that I did not want to do!) in order to be with this guy. I got accepted and we've been living together in Europe for about a year now.  It was difficult and we experienced a lot of fighting, to a point I decided to move back home to America and clear my head. He came to visit me and due to family issues, he agreed that it would be better for me to come back to Europe with him and he would apply for a visa that would allow him to eventually come back to America with me.While he visited me in the US, He told me that he wanted to marry me and have a family with me; I thought that all these things would happen fairly soon so I went back to Europe with him. But when I got back, he seemed shocked to find out that I want to get married and have kids soon and wanted to wait for a while longer.



Due to recent issues, it turns out my visa is not being renewed and he can not leave Europe for at least for a year (which I also didn't know). Now he says he ‘isn't sure if he wants to marry me at all, but knows for sure he wasn't ready at this moment'. He says we aren't ready and I am not stable and he isn't sure he wants to spend his life with someone who is so stressed. I just really feel misled and feel like I am waiting for my life to start with him instead of focusing on myself and what is best for me. I love him and want it to work out with him. But, I can't keep giving up everything for him. And I'm afraid that I am reaching the end.***
What do I do now?
Heart in Limbo
 ***-Edited for privacy and brevity.


Wow! This is a difficult situation to be in. Guys, leave some advice for her in the comment section.



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7 comments:

Lape Asekun said...

Please live your life. Make decisions for yourself. Give him space. If he really appreciates you he will fight to get you back
BeautyGeekng.com

Tunrayo said...

"It just happens that you've placed yours in the hands of a person not presently mature enough or even ready for the responsibility of it.  I don't think living with him or being with him is emotionally or spiritually healthy". It's not right to center your life and happiness on someone who has already made it clear he may never marry you. If you remain with him and after some years he doesn't marry you, you will hate yourself for the years you have wasted with him, for seeing the signs and ignoring them, for staying when you could have left. Please leave if he truly loves you he would make definite commitments and sacrifices too. He would be sensitive to your feelings and won't put them on a roller coaster.

naijawife said...

Excellent advice!

Funtó said...

I've seen quite a bit of quotes online about knowing your self worth. Two are:
"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy"
"If they don't chase you when you walk away, keep walking".

Walking away from a relationship - even one that is not bearing fruit and that leaves you confused and strained - isn't easy. But in the future you are more likely to be glad you did.

God will bring you someone who will fully love you and appreciate you. Someone who will treat you like a queen. But for that to happen, you have to let go of anything that isn't that. His best will be so much more!

Tell the World

1 + The One said...

"You come first" - I love this! It's something we need to say over and over again until we believe it. YOU matter.. In life, YOU matter..
This should influence a lot of the decisions we make..
Also, I don't know if the writer is a Christian but, please don't permit anyone to take the place of God in your life. He should be the one at the centre of your plans and decisions, not any one. And if He is, you know you are covered. Somehow, everything else falls into place.

Destiny said...

miss reading your blog, glad to know you are feeling better.

E' said...

Inthe'licious mama...
I'm happy you are back
And you have said it all.
Being in limbo is a bad place to be. I can't imagine what she is going through.
I pray you wisdom to know what to do dear lady and courage/strength to do it, amen