Friday, February 07, 2020

Dear Inthe…Is Sexual Abstinence Even Realistic?

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Dear Inthe,

Lets say a guy wants sex in a relationship and maybe the woman doesn't and she loves him, is that enough reason to break up with him? I mean should you just break up just because he wants sex and you the woman doesn't? 

True Love Waits

  What if that's the destined husband or stuff like that? And will she keep on breaking up with all men because frankly, how many men will abstain before marriage? That's a tough one though.


Great Question! It’s been asked a million times in the past and it will be asked a million plus one more in the future. Why? because sex is that popular! In the christian circle, they are those having it, those who wish they were having it, those who've had it once upon a time and and those waiting for it. Either way, in one form or another, it is on everyone’s mind.So what do you think? IS it even realistic to think couples can wait until marriage to have sex?

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...Godly Love, Godly Marriages and Everything in Between.


Debby Dyk said...

This is good and an encouragement that I appreciate
But for those masturbating/having phone sex? What what do you have for them?

1 + The One said...

Thank you! Once again you hit the nail on the head.. I love your interpretation of that verse.. I went back to it and started replacing every 'water' with 'sex' lol..

Sex before marriage can be very sensitive to some people as 'everyone is doing it' but like you said, everyone is NOT doing it! And I am one of those people in my late twenties not 'doing it'! It can be difficult sometimes but it is possible and just like InThe has written on many occassions, it is worth it!

That guy who just 'has to have you' will secretly respect you for that decision (of course he will never admit it to you now!)

May God give you the grace to trust Him enough to know that you don't have to compromise His word to get His blessing of a good MAN! xxxx

Abi Tobi said...


Tomi O said...

Some of us are proud virgins oh... I don't mind the "SU" tag, it even keeps the wrong ones off!!

My best friend (a guy) is a virgin, he told me recently that a girl asked him if he was gay because he had never had sex before :( Its so saaad!!

Thank you for the encouragement as usual and keep doing what you do. We Love it!!

Unknown said...

true. I believe even before getting into a relationship with someone , you set these boundaries. Some guys will run ( you know he is definitively not the one for you) an some may stay ( possibly Gods choice). :)

Hephzibah Frances said...

I am not going to say much,I'll just say thank u for this! God bless u ma! U av no idea how much dis was needed by me.
Greater grace on u IJN,amen! Thank u!

Unyime-Ivy King said...

Thanks for daring to talk about this sensitive topic. So many have compromised and rationalized it away wit, 'after all, we are going to get married.' It is amazing the number of believers who have bought into the lies of the world, and trivialized sex. However, many too are still standing as well. It is possible not to indulge in premarital sexual misadventures. Contrary to what the world is touting, not everyone is sexually active before marriage.

IntheMidstofher said...

Debby: Great Q! The most important thing is not limiting or breaking sex down to just the act of penetration. it is about keeping your sexuality under wraps. If I am engaging in phone sex, I am using my words to do the same exact thing my body would have been doing if he were with me. With masturbation, let me ask you something, what are you thinking about while you’re at it? Yeah, I thought so…lol.

Plus1 : Amen!!! Thanks for the love…and you are right, not EVERYONE is doing it!!!!


Tomi: You go girl! Fly that V flag hiiiiiigh!! Men have it much harder :(

ENIOLA: You are absolutely right. Boundaries are the key!

Frances: You are in a no “Ma” zone!!! Lol. Thanks!

Ivy:Pure Lies!!! God help us!

E' said...

'This might sound controversial but I believe a wo/man does not belong to you until vows have been exchanged.'
Nne, this is NOT controversial even a little. Until vows have been exchanged, NO DEAL.
It is harder to abstain. So those who abstain should be VERY PROUD. I meanm, we should even go to Aso rock to collect money after which we go to CAN too.
It is EASIER to sex around. No elf control. Now shouldnt you be THE ONE who should be hiding under the table?!?!?!?!!?
This is A great MYSTERY/REVERSAL which I can't understand.
I am even angry sef. Lemme simemr before I do my own post.

Hephzibah Frances said...

Ok,"no ma"
Thanks 4dis again.
Btw,how do I contact u?
I av something I need 2ask.

glowingscenes said...

I'm afraid If I add something more to this post I may just ruin it.

Why? Because you have done it justice without coating the truth. You have laid it down the way it should be said and you remind me of Mandy Dobblemann. A lady who is a virgin at 29 and talks about the deep and true meaning of sex. She blogs at and she's awesome.

Do you know I had read this bible verse of proverbs earlier but instead of sex, I used something to substitute it which is similar...,hmmmn, who would have known.

Praise God for His word and wisdom.

God bless u as always

V O said...

Dear Inthe, i must ask an important question.. what if you and your boyfriend have continually had sex? and as an individual you didnt see anything wrong in it before and your faith hadnt reached that level.. how do you let him know now you want to stop having sex?

IntheMidstofher said...

Hey V...Great Question and thank you for commenting.

This is a situation a lot of people find themselves in. I would first make sure that abstinence is a decision you stand by and can live with because without a shadow of a doubt, be it with this guy or the next, temptation will come. Then you need to take your decision to your bf; he will either accept or disagree. if he disagrees, you need to pray for strength to let him go because no man should come before your God. Feel free to email me for further advice! Blessings.....

Stephen said...

Thanks for info