Friday, March 06, 2020

Dear Inthe, Why Is He Avoiding Me?

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Dear Inthe...
I quit the (Mega)church where I was going  to seek a smaller more intimate church. I remembered of this old schoolmate, “Jay" that is a born again christian, and called him to let him know that I needed to find a new church, and see if it was ok for him to see me join" his" church. The next sunday, I spent my 1st time there and it has been a really blessing. Here’s my dilemma, I think I am growing in love with him! When we were in uni, I never had a second thought about him., but now, I am forced to recognize that my thoughts are changing about him. I see him every sunday, sometimes, we hang out after church  with other youths, other times we go at the restaurant after church (still with other friends). 

The problem is I feel he is not comfortable around me at all. It’s like he is trying his best to avoid me. In a group, he can "stand" my presence, but if it is just the 2 of us talking, he will try to interrupt the conversation as soon as he can. He is not like that with the other young women of the church.  He can talk with them for hours so naturally. I don't believe in "he avoids you because he loves you”,when a man is really in love or let's just say "interested" at this stage, he can't help but make the proper move at some point. I wonder  why he avoids me like that! If he did not wanted me to join "his" church, he should have let me know when  I asked him. Sometimes, he acts like he doesn't see me, and I need to go out of my way to say "Good morning Jay!"  It is THAT weird! 

Please Inthe, can you help me to see things a litlle bit clearly…?


 Puzzled Princess.

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...Godly Love, Godly Marriages and Everything in Between.


@eloxie said...

Thanks Dear 'In The', this was very spot on. I especially like all the angles you addressed. God bless you for this response and give you more wisdom.
If her intention for moving churches was to find God and not cos of him, she should just face God. the seeming rejection could hurt but she will be okay. He may have concerns about that at first and until his doubts resolve, he may be unable to settle down around her, all the other reasons you mentioned considered. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute, she calls and starts to attend his church and now appears to be all around him or appears to want 'more'. It could be a tad overwhelming, like a grandiose plan and especially because He wants to please God, he will prefer to stay aloof. If she steps back and just focuses on Christ, she will find her peace, who knows what could come out of this.

Mee said...

Inthe, God bless you. I especially like the part where you said she should surrender her feelings to God and ask him to remove any of it that's not of him (God). I didn't even know we could ask God to do that :)

And also, how you listed the 3 options and how they all point to focusing on Jesus and trusting me. You don't need to bother about what it really is, no need to become a mind reader, analyst or stress yourself. Just focus on Jesus and trust that he's working it all out for your best :)

Huggsss xx

Anosime said...

Inthe... I think you have spoken well and said it all. One thing I pray for and what my mum prays for is that which is yours should stay, that which isn't yours should go". This philosophy has helped me in life when things don't go the way I plan. Don't force it.
Focus on God in this new church and wait on Him. Good things come to those who wait.

Unknown said...

Can I simply say I love this? I enjoyed reading it. In fact, the first day I discovered you on twitter, I immediately sensed that I would enjoy reading whatever you had to say. You leave a warm feeling inside of me. Bless your heart :-)

Anonymous said...

I loved your responses on this - so apt.

What I sense here is that the guy can sense that she likes him and he is not interested and his attitude shows it.

You know how u automatically know when someone likes u even when they don't say a word. And if you're not feeling the person then you most likely will not be comfortable being alone with the person.

girl pls pull back; men are hunters and if he likes you he will pursue you. Men can sometimes be very put off by women who shower them with attention esp when they are not interested in her like that.

1 + The One said...

Welcome back InThe!

Love this post and your answers as you gave from differentt angles is so on point! I found myself reading intently, nodding and taking notes.. Well done xx

Unknown said...

I was about to ask where you disappeared to. Anyway, I was nodding for most of your advice. To be honest, I think he senses she likes him and is pulling back.
I honestly don't know of many Christian guys that pull back because they are waiting for an okay from God. Its usually the other way around, they find someone that ticks the boxes then they ask God which usually leads to disasters.

I say follow the advice gal, pull back. Hes not God's last born, they are plenty other men in the world and there is one set aside for you for an appointed time.

sykik said...

Wise words, I also picked up some things from your advice. God bless

Trust you are much stronger and better. It is well..God will perfect all that concerns you

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the advice Inthe, i am also dealing with something similar( i didnt move to his church o), we attend same church, he tells a mutual friend he likes me, she introduces us and we start talking as normal friends. He hasnt made his intents known, but i realise i am falling for him( funny cos i never gave him a second thought before we were introduced)cos the checks all the boxes.
He gives mix signals, today he is all over me, next he is aloof, and the cycle continues. Reading this i have decided to step back, and ask the Lord to take away any of the emotion that isnt from him.
Thanks again.