Friday, May 01, 2020

Dear Inthe...My Boyfried Won't Propose

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Dear Inthe...

My boyfriend and I have been together for near three years now, and have lived together for 2  years and a half. We have a very solid and fulfilling relationship. he supports me, loves me just as I am and is ALWAYS there for me. Im 37 and he's 27. Everything is great except for one issue: marriage. I feel as if I have given everything I can into our relationship, mentally, physically and emotionally; and now I feel as though I need a commitment to go further. He says he is not ready to marry me and he doesn't know when it will be. He said he wants me forever but he doesn't like to get marry.

We live as if we are married so I don’t know how he can’t be ready. He says he doesn’t feel an urgency to get married, but I do.  We’re at a stand-still with this issue and I’m not really sure where to go from here. Im worried about our difference age as well and i think he will might leave me because he has cheated on me before. Please help in this tough decision. Should  I wait until he's ready and get on my knees to pray that God makes him want to get married sooner? Or do I leave this emotional and supporting man???

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...Godly Love, Godly Marriages and Everything in Between.


Anosime said...

First of all, I don't get the 'I want to have you forever and not marry you' part. If a man wants something he goes all out to get it,keep and get committed to it. One thing about marraige is the commitment. Some men/People are careful of the divorcee situation so they want 'no marriage' but' live like couple situation'. If he is threatened by you leaving him for someone who will commit, he will re-consider. Your time (biological/non-biological) is ticking, his literarily isn't.
Lack of committment is the reason why people just walk away when issues arise.
Pray and wait on God about it too. But open your eyes. Jesus wants the best for you.
Hmmm. Inthe you talk well.

Simply bellz said...

hmmm but why invest your time and other factors into someone that is TEN years younger than you ? that is risky...that guy has a lot of time to decide and I feel he won't marry you..i don't know if age is major factor but you should move on with life and keep God as your major confidant.

Sisi Blu said...

Helpful Article:

sykik said...

This is a scary situation to be in. This is decision making time because life isn't gonna wait for you or him . It's a tough call but it has to be to your boyfriend and no matter how bad, hard or difficult the decisions will be just have to step out in faith....hanging on to old baggage won't get you any where and if he's ready to be committed all the best.

Uche Okonkwo said...

@Sisi Blue: that article is spot on. Along with what InThe has said, I hope she has a good idea what to do now.

Biba said...

Oh my, I just realized my post had so many thanks to over sabi auto correct... *hides face* :)

1 + The One said...

InThe, your response to the question is so wise..
Dear Mimi, it's a very difficult position to be in especially if you love the man and your heart and mind is committed to the relationship.
However, you must ask yourself the questions that InThe has posed.. Are you willing to wait for 5years or more if that's what it takes? Cause from my understanding, there's no given time so it could be a short or long wait.
I think it's also important to recognise and believe that you deserve more than he is willing to offer now. You deserve stability, you deserve security, you deserve a man who loves you enough to want to give it you because he knows that it matters to you a lot.
I pray that God will give you the grace to make the right decision and give you His best! xx

Abi Tobi said...

hmmmm It's really up to you Mimi if you want to wait till he is ready but he might never be: a mature conversation is necessary like InTheMidst stated

naijawife said...

This one was a doozy. You answered well.

Ife.O said...

I just listened to this and InThe, I love how you approached and responded to the question. It was void of judgement and condescension. Mimi, it really is up to you now. But whatever the case, you need to reevaluate things at this point, knowing, as InThe said that each option has its consequences. I wanted to add that you should not let fear hinder you from making what you think is best for you. And yes YOU. The best part about not being married to him is you don't have to worry about y'all as a unit. Make the best decision for YOU. I pray God gives the wisdom to make the right decision, and courage to see it through.