Friday, June 26, 2020

Dear Inthe…I’m In Love With The Wrong Guy.

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Dear Inthe...

To say your blog has been a total blessing to me would be stating it lightly.

I have been in a relationship with a guy which I absolutely love and adore and I bet he does same but we have a fundamental challenge between us; our beliefs; he is Christian Science and I am of the "Pentecostal" faith.

all we do is make up, and break up, when we wake up.

We have been going back and forth on this issue for almost 6 years now.. My "partner" believes that going to our separate Churches would work if we are committed to making it work. I on the other hand am so particular about my relationship with Christ and want to grow more in the knowledge of God. We don't even seem to have a spiritual life together ( we end up fighting most times when we bring Bible stories up) and his views are oh so different from mine!. I know I really shouldn't be in this relationship. I have talked to people, had personal revelations but for some reason I haven't really been able to walk even when I know in my heart that is the best thing to do. I am stuck down with so much fear.. He is the only one I have ever dated.. Shared my life and dreams with.. He is like the centre of my world. A whole lot of questions keep running through my mind- Will I find someone as good as he is? How do I cope with starting anew? I am deeply hurt inside.

What to do?
Lost in Love...

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...Godly Love, Godly Marriages and Everything in Between.


Uche (@UcheAnne) said...

Hi there.

From your message, it's clear that you already know what to do. I'll just add my own to what InThe has said. (She hit it on the head, as usual.)

What I think I have to offer is personal experience; the fact that I can relate. I recently (well, not so recently; almost a year ago) ended a relationship with someone I considered (and still do) a great guy. He was my first boyfriend (we started when I was about 18), and he became my best friend. We were together over six years. He was very supportive, very good to me, radical in all the ways that I like, and a good Christian. In some ways he helped me to be closer to God.

But when it was coming to the time to decide on more permanent things (re spending our lives together), there was just this sense of unease inside me. (It didn't help that my family wasn't supportive of the relationship, for what I know are weak reasons.) But I stuck with it for over two years after this unease started because I knew, regardless of what anyone thought, that he was a great guy. Those were really dark days for me, being torn between wanting to stay and not being able to commit fully because I didn't have the conviction; didn't feel like I had a good reason to leave. And there was the fear. Believe me when I say I know what you are going through. The fear of where will I ever find a guy as good as him. Then when you think of all the horror relationship stories you hear every day, you want to cling even tighter.

I'm typing a whole post here, so let me just round up. I eventually had to end it, because I realized I wasn't giving my best in the relationship. I believed he deserved better, and that two years was a long time to stay uncertain. (The fact that I stayed so long is testament to how badly I wanted it to work and how strong my fear was.) So it ended and I won't lie and say it wasn't hard. The first time I ended it, I called back the next day and said please take me back. When it ended for good I cried and I mourned, and cried some more when he started dating someone else recently. But I think I'm now coming to see why it had to end, and what God wanted (wants) to do in/with me; to (among other things) bring me to a point where my strength and worth comes from Him, and not from any man, regardless of how wonderful he is.

So you know what you have to do. But one thing you should try and remember is how much God loves you. Remember that his plans for you are GOOD. Read and listen to messages about God's unfailing, unconditional love, and as you come to a greater revelation of His love, it will remove this fear from you, and it will free you. May God's peace be with you. *Big hug*

Molara Brown said...

I am not a Christian but then I don't think I would be comfortable in such a relationship is I was the one in your...May God guide you.

E' said...

Well put Inthe...
The more you wait sweerie the harder it is to leave.
I have a leaving you will still leave either ways... Sooner or later. As a single or married. My two kobo is leave sooner and single
God has given Grace already. Amen